19/11/21
Well, it's been a little over a couple weeks, and the crowd has not died down around my place of work. And, we all honestly don't know when any of this commotion will die down.
Ever since Jungkook agreed with me to take a break from our relationship, BigHit has released a statement that the person he was seen in the images leaked were of a close friend, which at this point, is not a lie.
But, of course, both fans and antis are not convinced. There are still many people, mainly media, showing up at the law firm, hoping to get a glimpse of me and at best, bombard me with questions.
After long discussions with the company, I decided to resign. Besides suggesting a break with Jungkook, leaving my position at the law firm was the most difficult decision I had ever made.
Of course, my boss gave me all sorts of options, but understood my final decision, since I voiced how I didn't feel safe being around the premises anymore. And, because of the abnormal circumstances having caused me to leave abruptly, the CEO offered me severance pay. She did tell me that, given the circumstances of my unexpected resignation, I would still have a good standing with the company and that I'm always welcome to come back in the future. I actually find that comforting.
But, as much as I loved my job, maybe it's time for me to try something new.
When it was announced that I was resigning, an opportunity presented itself. Beth had called me telling me she heard about me leaving the company. She said she was devastated to hear the news but then she thought about me regarding an opening at her husband's advertising company.
In the past, I have shared to Beth how I double majored in business and art. Back when I was freshly out of college and looking for jobs, I came across the position in administration and landed the job. I worked my way up and became a paralegal.
I did dream of a profession in the creative field, but never thought I'd excel.
Now, Beth has presented me with a position as a junior graphic designer at the advertising agency her husband works for as head of the graphic design team.
I've been a paralegal for so long and don't have any work experience in graphic design and I even expressed that to Beth. I told her I might not be what they're looking for.
She encouraged me to at least try and apply. So, I'm doing so, and not only that, but I'm also going to look into other jobs where I can put my creativity into use. Thankfully I've kept a portfolio of work I've done when I was in college as well as some freelance album artwork I've done for local musicians Melina has connected me with.
This might be a good change for me.
As far as Jungkook and I go, we have remained 'friends.' We still communicate with each other like we usually do, me in LA, and him in Seoul. We are so used to our time zones that communication and reaching one another has become easy for us.
I try to keep text and phone conversations platonic but Jungkook makes it so difficult sometimes. Though, I can't blame him. We both really do care for each other. And, although he doesn't know it, I love him so much. He still constantly reminds me that he loves me and there have been times I almost said it back.
Why am I hesitant about saying those words back to him? Is it because I'm not sure?
Oh, I'm sure I love him. But, I'm also scared that all the obstacles that we have to go through might not make me strong enough to keep this going. I don't want to break his heart.
My mental health has declined since the media hit with the pictures of Jungkook and I being leaked. And, as much as I want to put Jungkook and our love on the forefront, I need to focus on myself, first. Which I am, by going to see my therapist. And, also embracing more of the stuff I love, now that I have more free time. I've been going to my usual kick boxing classes, going out for runs, and just doing all I can to stay physically active. I've also allowed myself to paint more and hone in on my digital art.
~
While it's currently 8pm PST, it is noon time in Seoul. I just finished a painting and decided to take a picture of it and sent it to Jungkook.
A couple of minutes of me cleaning my painting area, I hear my phone buzzing, and I see the name 'Kookie' appear on the screen. I can't not answer it.
Sarah:
"Hey, Jungkook"
Jungkook:
"Hey, Sarah! I had some free time and I thought I'd call you. Are you free?!"
Sarah:
"I am! I was just cleaning up after painting."
Jungkook:
"I saw it. Any chance you can send it to me! It's gorgeous."
Sarah:
"You're just saying that, Kook!"
Jungkook:
"Sarah, you're fucking talented. I wouldn't lie to you. The colors are amazing and I'd proudly put that up in my apartment or even my studio!"
Sarah:
"Stop flattering me!"
Jungkook:
"I can't help it when it comes to you."
Ugh, this guy needs to stop making me want to melt at his words. Anyway, time to change the subject.
Sarah:
"Okay, Kook...how's your day going so far?"
Jungkook:
"I just got out of a meeting with the boys at MapleStory headquarters!"
Sarah:
"Aw, that sounds fun! I bet Jin was in heaven!"
Jungkook:
"He was! We all had a blast coming up with ideas of what to contribute to the game."
Sarah:
"I haven't played MapleStory in a while but I might have to get into it now that you're collaborating! And, I have so much more free time now!"
Jungkook:
"Babe...I'm sorry."
I can hear guilt in his voice knowing that when I say I have free time, it is precisely because I currently am not working. He feels like he's mostly to blame for me being jobless, as he's confessed in a previous phone conversation.
Sarah:
"Jungkook, don't start feeling bad, please. We've had this discussion before. We didn't know people were taking pictures. It was beyond our control. "
Jungkook:
"I know, I just wish you didn't have to leave your job. I knew you were happy there."
Sarah:
"I was. But, I'm actually looking into other jobs. A coworker of mine even suggested I try to apply as a graphic designer at her husband's advertising company."
Jungkook:
"Oh, that would be awesome! As much as you loved your old job, I know art is your passion. It'd be cool if you pursued something in that area."
Sarah:
"I know. It's just scary. I've been in the same position for years. I feel like I'm starting back at square one. What if I don't have what it takes?"
Jungkook:
"You just have to try, Sarah. And you know, I'm here to root for you, always."
Sarah:
"And, that means a lot to me that I have your support, Kook. You have no idea ."
Jungkook:
"I love you."
Sarah:
"I love you, too."
Jungkook:
"You what?"
I WHAT?! That just came out. Fuck it, I meant it.
Sarah:
"I love you...fuck, I wish I could've said it in person. I'm sorry. My timing is horrible."
Jungkook:
"Don't apologize unless you don't mean it."
Sarah:
"I mean it, though."
Jungkook:
"How long?"
Sarah:
"I think I knew even before you told me on Halloween night. But, I was scared. And, then of course, all that crazy stuff happened."
Jungkook:
"Yeah, talk about timing!"
Sarah:
"Yeah, well...I love you."
Jungkook:
"What does this mean for us?"
Sarah:
"Kook, I told you I still need time to sort my life out."
Jungkook:
"I get that, but—"
Sarah:
"Please Jungkook."
Jungkook:
"So, we're friends who love each other?"
Sarah:
"I don't know. I know it's complicated. But, I'm still seeing hurtful words about me online and I'm still grappling with that. And, being without a job is weird for me. I really need to focus on myself and if I do that, I don't want to neglect you. But, I'm still here for you as best as I can. I don't know if that makes sense."
Jungkook:
"It does."
Sarah:
"You mean so much to me. Please know that."
Jungkook:
"I do. And, you obviously know how I feel about you."
I blush.
Sarah:
"Obviously."
I can't help but giggle.
Jungkook:
"I miss hearing your laugh, babe. I just miss you."
Sarah:
"I miss you, too, Jungkook. Just focus on work."
Jungkook:
"It's hard when you're always on my mind."
Sarah:
"Okay, you're cheesy."
Jungkook:
"For you."
Sarah:
"Okay, you can stop now."
I playfully roll my eyes and I hear him chuckle.
Jungkook:
"Well, I do have to get going. But, keep me updated on your job search."
Sarah:
"I will!"
Jungkook:
"I love you!"
Sarah:
"I love you, too!"
*********
A/N:
Sarah said it. But, it's complicated...
🎵 Song to check out: "F.U.C.K" by Victoria Monet
Thank you for reading! ✨
-MissD