28/06/21
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the captain has turned off the 'Fasten Seat Belt' sign, and you may now move around the cabin. However, we advise and recommend keeping your seatbelt fastened while seated." I listen to the flight attendant's announcement in English after having gone over the spiel in Korean, while sitting comfortably in my seat.
Melina and I are sitting in first-class. I wasn't planning on sitting so comfortably in this section of the plane, but, last night, Jungkook had taken it upon himself to book and cover the expenses before informing me. I had asked him to search for the most immediate flights and text me links while I was in Melina's room, comforting her. But, instead he texted me all the flight information he had after he made all the arrangements on his own.
I will say that it's incredibly sweet of him to have gone out of his way and it was so thoughtful, but now I owe him. I even told him that and he said there's no way I was paying him back. Well, we'll see about that!
Now, that I'm able to use my phone, using wi-fi, I turn on my phone to several iMessage notifications. A couple of them were from Yoongi, asking me to make sure Melina gets a proper amount to eat and to just look after her. I actually appreciated receiving those texts from Yoongi because it really shows how much he cares for Melina. I really do hope things work out between the two of them.
Some messages were from Gabby asking me to keep her posted and such. I had called and texted her about everything that went down, and she's planning to pick us up when we get to LAX. We also are planning a much needed girls' night to cheer up Melina the best we can.
And, of course I received some messages from Jungkook. We were texting while I was in the airport but it seems he's messaged me a few more times while I was boarding the plane and preparing for take off.
Ugh, must he really send me a selca of him in bed?! I don't want to miss him...but I can't help it, I do. At least he's messaging me and keeping his promise of remaining friends and communicating. We'll see how long he'll keep this up with me, though. He's a busy guy and I feel like our friendship might eventually fade due to his crazy schedule and the distance between us. But, I guess I'll enjoy it for now.
Fuck, he's so handsome. He seriously needs to stop with these selcas! It's kind of making me a little disappointed that we left Seoul earlier than planned. But, again, I had to stay by my best friend's side. I'll just send him a selca of me smiling and giving him a thumbs up and telling him he made a good decision going to the gym.
After I sent him the picture and text, I get an immediate reply.
Is he going to bring up us sleeping together a lot? I'm okay with it... but it's really making me wish I did have him right beside me right now. Fucking in a small airplane bathroom compartment does not sound appealing, but I've always wanted to join the mile-high club.
And, especially with Jungkook...wait. Damnit, I need to stop thinking about him like that moving forward!
My phone buzzing took me out of my thoughts, and sure enough, it's Jungkook texting me again. I see he sent me a selca. Why does he have to have such kissable looking lips in that picture?! I miss those lips. Ugh! Seriously, I need to stop thinking about that!
He replies with a ridiculously adorable finger heart selca and then I read his message. I think I'll mess with him...
His selcas will be the death of me.
I send him a selca of me giving him a peace sign like he did, and I turn off the vibration on my phone and stow it away in my hoodie pocket. I force myself to try and get some sleep.
Instead of drifting off to sleep, I'm left with my thoughts.
Jungkook won't escape my mind. I can't stop thinking about our last few days together and the pleasurable nights. To be honest, he's the best sex I've had so far in my life.
My high school boyfriend, Lance, was great in the sense that he was my first. But, really, we were young and inexperienced. We basically learned from each other. So, he was special in that regard, but definitely not stellar.
I had some college flings, but again, nothing memorable and worth mentioning. The guys did their job of giving me pleasure, but, most are forgettable. Maybe, it was because I didn't have an emotional connection with any of them.
Then, there was Thomas, the man I fell in love with and dated straight after college. He was alright in bed, but I think I just loved that we had so much in common and I enjoyed the attention he gave me. Unlike the college flings, we had an emotional connection. He was sweet and caring and I thought he was total marriage material until I found him in bed with someone else. Well, I was willing to look over the fact that he had a mediocre sized cock because I thought he treated me like how a gentleman should treat a woman, until I found out he was a cheating man. He ended up being scum, so good riddance to that loser.
Before Jungkook, I'd have flings with Josh, on and off. Come to think of it, I forgot he had texted me when I first got to Busan but I totally forgot to even reply. I'll get around to it. Maybe.
Josh might still be someone I'll keep around. I'm not sure. He's great, but he's just nothing like Jungkook. As much as I've considered more with Josh, in the past, I feel like we don't really connect on a deeper level.
Even though I've only known Jungkook for a short time, he's made more of an impression on me than the previously mentioned man. And, I'm not saying it because he's THE Jungkook of BTS. I'm saying it because he's someone I've come to find a lot more in common with than I would have ever imagined. I didn't expect to actually grow such a deep emotional connection with this man. We get each other's humor. I feel comfortable talking to him and vice versa. I like that he's comfortable talking to me about whatever is on his mind. We have similar interests as well as ambitions. He makes me feel a way I can't describe and it's strange. And, whenever I'm in his presence, I feel safe and it just feels right whenever I'm around him.
But, what Jungkook and I had in Korea was agreed upon to be strictly just a friends with benefits kind of a deal, and nothing more. If I do see him again, will we let the benefits part of our friendship keep happening? Who knows.
It was just supposed to be sex, right? Nothing more. I value the friendship I have been building with him and hope that I can at least maintain that with him.
Did I start to develop feelings for him? In all honesty, yes, I admit that I did. Part of me wishes we could have more. But, unfortunately, what he said to me this morning is still fresh in my mind. He said that he's only focusing on himself because he can't give his all into a relationship right now. He said that with his busy and crazy life, he'd probably let down his partner if he chose to be in a relationship. He feels like he'd fail her because he'd always be absent from her life and wouldn't be able to provide her the undivided attention she deserves.
As much as I say that I'm not ready to settle down at the moment, I still want to come across someone who can prove he has staying power. And, at Jungkook's point in his life, he has his career, and there's no room for me there. I'm probably not worth the effort.
So, I can't let myself have deep feelings for Jungkook. I need to push these feelings away and get over it.
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A/N:
I'm so glad these text message images didn't disappear! (June 4, 2022)
I'm so excited for the following chapters! 🥰
Question time!
What are your thoughts on the new Japanese song, 'Film Out'?! And, the MV?!
🎵Song to check out: "Film Out" by BTS
Thank you, all, for reading! Please vote and comment! It's a huge motivator! XOXO✨
-MissD