27/06/21
Sarah's 1st Person POV
This whole weekend has been interesting with Jungkook.
Yesterday, the men were incredibly busy during the day. So, while they were busy working, Melina, Roxy and I spent the first half of the day checking out fun things spread around outside the arena. It was nice to be surrounded by ARMY.
There were fans who brought guitars and other instruments and were performing their own renditions of BTS songs. There were groups of dancers that would break out into doing BTS choreography. It was fun to see all the talent and supportive ARMY cheering them on. There were ARMY passing out free goodies they took the time to put together. The atmosphere was just perfect, all around.
Melina, Roxy and I - a bunch of grown, well-to-do women - were squealing like little girls when we saw the BT21 character mascots roaming around the premises. We honestly couldn't contain ourselves because of how cute they were just shuffling around the premises. We made sure to take a picture with most of them!
Later in the afternoon, the ladies and I had access to head to the backstage and into the guys' dressing room/ lounge area. We all lounged around and kept all the men company, just conversing, laughing and eating. And, although the company is lax about the men being close with significant others around the main staff, I wasn't completely comfortable with Jungkook trying to be affectionate with me around everyone in the dressing room. It was uncomfortable, not because I didn't like the affection, because I do, but I didn't want people to think we're a couple. I was uncomfortable with eyes looking at and observing us. Jungkook and I aren't necessarily together so I just don't want people to assume we are.
There was one point where I had to pull him aside and ask him to be more discreet about being handsy and close with me around his staff. He said he didn't think of it as being much of an issue because the staff are sworn to keep the men's personal relationships secret. But, I had to explain to him that I didn't want people to assume we were an item when we clearly aren't. And, that's when he understood and said he'll keep his hands off me as long as he can be all over me when we have privacy. It was a good compromise and he definitely took advantage of our privacy when we got back to his own private place late after the concert.
It's now Sunday in the late afternoon. We have a couple hours before the concert is set to start and Jungkook has been behaving himself, but he's still been close by me most of the time
I've been in the dressing room. He's still touchy but in a way that appears friendly so I couldn't be upset or annoyed. Plus, I admit, I'm enjoying his attention.
Jungkook's 1st Person POV
I'm trying so hard not to be affectionate with Sarah, but I can't help but be drawn to her like a damn magnet. She asked me, yesterday, to be discreet about looking intimate in front of the staff and I have to respect and understand where she's coming from.
She's leaving in three days. We agreed to the sex being just that- sex. I have to let that part of our arrangement go once she leaves. Will our friendship suffer from it? I'm not sure. The sex is amazing, but so is the bond we've built as friends. Unlike when I left from California, I know that this time I'm going to want to continue communicating with her. This time I have no doubts. She's made such a strong impression on me. I feel so comfortable talking to her. I feel like I can be myself completely with her. She doesn't judge me when I say something silly or struggle with my words once in a while. I just really enjoy her time, whether it be in person or communicating through our phones.
I think my feelings have developed for her more than I really planned it to. I thought I could handle the intimacy and not let the feelings deepen, but they did and I can't turn back time now. Now, I just have to accept these feelings. I don't know how she's feeling but she said that, like me, she doesn't want anything serious in terms of a relationship. But, I'll let her leave Seoul with us as good friends.
I'll never let her know my true feelings. I want her to be free. Plus, being with me would be too complicated for her. I've thought about it a lot, recently. She's the first person I've honestly considered maybe pursuing something with, in a long time, but I realized that there will be a lot of issues if we were ever to venture into the realms of a relationship.
First, there's the distance. She made it blatantly clear that she is the type of person who cannot handle long-distance relationships, so that's a major strike right there. I'm constantly traveling and, most importantly, we live in different countries. I don't know how Yoongi handles the time difference between him and Melina. I even think about how Taehyung seemingly handles it so well with Yoohyeon since they both travel and are in different countries most of the time. It's impressive how dedicated these guys are with their significant others, but at the same time, they are still putting their all into our group.
Second, a major elephant in the room- she's a foreigner. I know Melina* and Roxy are both foreigners and that's a constant worry for both Yoongi and Hoseok in terms of how the public will perceive them. It doesn't bother me personally that Sarah's not Korean, just like it doesn't bother Yoongi and Hoseok with their ladies. But, the unfortunate prejudiced reality is that a good amount of the public will most likely find a problem with it, unfortunately. And, because of that, I don't want Sarah to be scrutinized for it if people find out, if we were to be together. I don't want people to come after her through social media or even in person. I wouldn't want her in any harm.
That brings me to the third issue that's related to the previous one I just mentioned- regardless of what ethnic background she is, even if she were Korean- people will not be accepting of me being in a relationship at this point in my career. Maybe when I'm older, fans will hopefully let me live my life and let me love. But, as an idol, us being seen in relationships is frowned upon. I'm grateful our company doesn't ban relationships completely and allows us to date and pursue relationships, just as long as it's kept private, for the safety of the men and their partners. It's also nice that the company take the proper measures to let us have that privacy. But, in some way, I know that media and fans will catch on. That's another constant worry Yoongi, Hoseok and Taehyung have. They're always making sure they don't say anything that will let slip that they're in relationships during interviews or just in public. If they go out with their partners, they have to take extra precautions. I don't think I can handle all of that.
One last barrier is that I'm constantly busy and I'm never in one place for a long period of time. Terrible excuse since the other guys who are in relationships are handling juggling a relationship with work well enough, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for that added major commitment just yet. I'm terrible at communicating consistently with even my family. I can't guarantee I'd be able to see Sarah often. I just wouldn't want to fail her in that regard.
It's crazy, right? It's crazy how she's really made me consider wanting something more. I've only felt like this a couple times in my life. I was with someone I met when I was 18, and another woman when I was 20 years old. Both couldn't handle my life style of being an idol in this kind of music industry- an issue that many idols like myself have had. I have many idol friends that have had this same issue where they couldn't maintain relationships because their partners didn't see them enough or having to hide takes its toll on them. And, for me, those particular women I was involved with, was the reason I have decided not to settle and commit with anyone. Plus, since them, I haven't met anyone worthwhile. That is, not until Sarah, and she was more than unexpected.
I'm just afraid I couldn't give Sarah what she'd want in a relationship at this point of my life and hers. We are a few years apart. I feel like, even though she claims she currently isn't looking for something serious, I'm sure she's at the point in her life where she does want to find someone who's worthwhile and a keeper. I'm sure there's a man who can provide all that she needs. I'm not sure I'm quite the man she needs right now.
I'm just going to keep my feelings to myself and at least hold onto the friendship we have. Her friendship means something to me and I'll at least hold onto that.
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A/N:
Question time!
If you've watched all the Bon Voyage seasons, which one is your favorite?
🎵Song to check out: "Falling Without Knowing" by Tilly And The Wall
Thank you, lovelies, for reading! Please vote and comment! XOXO✨
-MissD