True Bonds ~Book 3 of Kakashi LS~

Chapter 17

It was completely silent, so why did I wake up? Well the feeling of warmth I was snuggling into chuckled making me smile in my sleep. I missed him so much, after loosing Itachi it was hard to go out again... to try and act happy when really I felt like I was drowning in the depths of the dark ocean waves. Kakashi being himself, and my husband meaning he was legally obligated to, stayed with me. He calmed down my shaking and crying figure everytime I remembered that he wasn't here, everytime I woke up from a nightmare instead of Sasuke killing him my mind would mix the memory of me kill Rin with this one... making me kill him, him stutter my name before he dies.

"Hey... don't think about that." Kakashi said rubbing my back, it sometimes felt like he could reach into my mind and read it. "I can't help it... I don't know how to find closure." I muttered as I pulled away to sit up, even if I came to terms with Rin's death many moons ago... I will always feel guilty for not stopping, for not expect her to do that and try to stop her, afterall she did beg for us to kill. I shook my head. That's not an excuse, she was scared... we all were. "Love..." his smooth caramel like voice spoke as his arms wrapped around my shoulders. "Why.... just why does this keep happening... why does this world keep taking from what little things I have. Did... did I do something?" Small years streamed down my face... I felt so stupid for drowning in self pity, for letting my emotions get the better of me yet I did nothing about it. "How could you do anything wrong." Kakashi tried to sooth, but it made me feel even worst. "I'm not a perfect little doll Kakashi... I made a few mistakes, I've done extremely wrong things... heck I even killed my best friend." I muttered the last part before shifting the blankets and getting out of bed, what was once a peaceful morning became a gloomy and frustrating one. "That wasn't-" I quuckly cut him of as I spun around and glared at him. "Don't tell me it wasn't my fault! It was my blade... I wa sin perfect condition and mindset so why didn't I stop? Why did do something to stop her? Why didn't I save them... I'm broken, aren't I?" I muttered as I brought my hands into view before hiding them away between my arms as they crossed over my chest. "I didn't stop her from dying and I didn't stop Sasuke from..." I trailed off, it was still a very fresh wound. "Kakashi... it was me, I may not have caused all this, but I didn't try to stop it not... not hard enough for that matter. I... I get that your trying to help... but it isn't. Saying it wasn't my fault won't change the fact that I was indeed in the position to try and prevent it from happening. I.... I need fresh air." I mumbled before walking off and grabbing a cloak before leaving.

So here I was with just a cloak to block people's view from my pj's underneath yet I was still barefoot feeling the dry dirt underneath my feet. I kept walking deep in my thought thus unconsciouslu ignoring people that greeted me. I kept walking letting my feet carry me to where they felt they were needed.

"I'm so tired... of all this...pain." I muttered my hand going to my chest above my heart to grip the materials of it. Its been weeks since I was last here, my eyes glanced over the old training field, but the stone in front of me... it hit my heartstrings with the newly carved name. "Jiriaya-sensei." I mumbled, in between all this chaos, I never got the chance to say goodbye to him. I sat down in front of it before running a finger over the Kanji symbols and bowed my head in prayer. I opened my eyes to look at his name again. "I wish you were here... just so we could laugh one last time... just we could bicker... just one last time." I mumbled wiping some stray tears off my cheeks. Jiriaya-sensei was truly remarkable, I heard about the messenger frog. They asked me to try and decode it, but I couldn't I did later on realise the problem, but Naruto got there first. The was still hurting, I could tell... but I couldn't intrude when I felt the same. Speaking of. "Hey Hira-sensei, glad to see you back." He spoke his voice a bit broken, I stood up and without a word brought him into a tight embrace... he was around a foot taller than me now. "Oh no... I don't need a hug." He said patting my back. "But I do." I mumbled, knowing he was just saying that. He finally hugged me back, it was nice. I felt small drops of water his my back and a sniffle from the blonde. "I know... it hurts." I spoke softly, not making a move to pull back. "Why did he have to ho there... alone?" He sniffled making my sadness go deeper. "I'm not going to tell you that it was his job, because really he was stupid to ho in alone... and I hate that it had to happen like that. But you know Jiriaya-sensei, always have to make a big deal about everything and show how cool he is... was." I muttered trying make us both feel better, how do make someone feel better when you don't even feel optimistic. Naruto's soft breathy laugh made me smile, glad to see he at least had some laughter in him still. He pulled away to look at me. "Thanks Hira-sensei," I looked at him confused. "What did I do?" I muttered, "You made me laugh, it felt so long since I laughed.. even just for a little." Naruto said smiling lightly at me making me smile back. "Anytime kid, now I heard about you training... so you're going to Mount Myoboku to practice sage mode?" I asked a bit proud of this man I had teached once, not much though to which I did. "Yeah, I need to learn sage mode to fight against this Pain guy..." he glanced to the stone. "For Jiriaya-sensei." He mumbled quietly making my heart melt. "Trust me when I say this... Jiriaya-sensei doesn't want his favourite student turning to a frog... so you better come back none froggy." I muttered waving a hand in front of him with a look of fright and disgust. I almost turned into a tiger statue when I was practicing Sage mode." Naruto looked at me confused. "You'll see... now I better go find Kakashi, I kind of left so quickly that I might've made him worry." I smiled lighthearted before giving a hug to the boy again. "Stay safe, and please.. come back to us." I muttered towards him and I heard him hum determined. "Will do sensei, after all I'm not just the Pervy-sage's student but also yours... and you never leave your comrades to fend for themselves." He said with a toothy grin surprising me a bit, but my face softened to a smile. Oh Naruto, I'm glad you're not as gloomy as before we need this bright light of yours.

"Hira!" Kakashi's voice yelled at the treeline making me look towards it in surprise. "I better get going or else the old toad might come looking for me... or worse... Grandma Tsunade." He shivered probably thinking of the Sanin angry making me think about her too. The image of her glaring and cracking her knuckles popped into mind making grimance... let's just say that she wasn't happy that I left the village without permission. "Yeah... go in ahead kid and good luck." I waving as he ran off and soon after Kakashi stood before me taking his place. "He grew up so fast." I spoke not looking at him until the blonde had disappeared. "That he did. I sometimes miss those times we had with them... all of them." He said looking down at me. His eyes felt like they were piercing my soul, "I'm sorry for my out burst earlier... I'm a bit overwhelmed, I guess." I mumbled guiltily as I looked down and wrapped my arms around myself. I know he stepped closer as his warm breath fanned my face and his fingers gently lifted my chin up. "There's no need to be sorry, Hira. I don't blame you for this morning, I should've realised that stupid phrase really has no use in comfort. But... I have a better idea." I spoke softly, so kind with how he held me like I could break any moment. He pulled me closer kissing my fore head as his arms wrapped around my waist, a sigh of content left my lips as my eyes immediately dropped close. "Much better." I sighed feeling a bit relieved at this moment, I haven't realised how much I missed this until now. How he held me like I was the only one left in this world, how he would place small kisses on my forehead to show me how much he cared for me. His strong arms wrapped around me to protect me from what lies in the shadows of this world. He is my everything and my always.

He is my best friend, my husband and my Kakashi Hatake. There is no one I'd rather have with me.

"It's not this, I just thought you needed a hug right now." He mutter pulling back a bit so I could look at him with furrowed brows. "Come with me." He stepped back and offer me his hand, that I stared at a bit before slipping mine into his big one. We walked beneath the trees side by side, feeling comfort in our light laughter as we took our stroll on this warm summer day.

"What do you think?" He asked the moment we came to a stop making my eyebrows furrow and look from his face to our surroundings finding us by the waterfall. Our waterfall, but what confused me more was this cross to the side with flowers. "What's this?" I asked leaving his side to stand in front of the cross. "I know how much Itachi meant to you... so I thought he atleast needed a grave, so... why not here? He will have a beautiful view and soothing sound of the waterfall. Do you like it?" He asked making my lips tremble in their smile as my tears fell from my eyes before spun around and jumped towards him to wrap him in my arms. This precious person... he's always so thoughtful. "I love it." I said sobbing happily in the crook of his neck as he held me close to him. "Thank you..." as I said that it seems the grief started to fade a little. This must be the feeling of closure, closure that my brother was off on a new adventure and one with his family again... Closure that I will meet him again one day, but not right now... right now, I have another brother who needs me and friends that I have to protect with all my strength, because I won't fail again!