Loving Alice

2.13: Blair's POV

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Each day had felt like an eternity over the past week. It was like a never ending nightmare I couldn't wake up from. I felt broken, weak, and most notably more depressed than I've been in a long time. I had showed restraint though too and hadn't had a drop of alcohol despite being offered drinks numerous times at different events. Most people I had met in my travels so far seemed fake, like they only wanted to use me. Some of my fans tried to seduce me and some men in fancy suits had tried to exploit me. Taylor had tried to warn me about all of this in our e-mails before the tour but I didn't believe her. I never thought life would actually be like this, well I guess it wouldn't be if I hadnt fucked up.

Alice had always kept me sane and did everything she could to make me feel loved. She was absolute perfection and everything I ever wanted in a partner. She was the light in my life, my hand to hold as I walked through the darkness. She was my everything and somehow I had forgotten that. I dreamed of her every night but as good as the dreams would start, they would always turn to nightmares. One second we'd be sunbathing on a beach in the Bahamas and the next I'd be watching her make out with another girl in our bed. It's fucked up I know but I can't really control what my brain does when I'm asleep. It's not like it's an unreasonable fear for me to have anyway, she could still choose to leave completely.

My flight had seemed to be suspended in space and time for days even though it was only hours. By the time we landed I was running to get a cab and had one of the guards wait for my bags. All I can think about now is Alice and finally being able to see her again. I had sent roses everyday since she asked me to come see her and I would've started sooner if I had thought of it. I had tried brainstorming of ways to win her back before but my mind was in a haze of self hatred that still loomed even now.

Once the cab came to a stop outside our house I quickly gave him two hundred dollars, told him to keep the change and booked it to the front door. I paused for a second, my hand shaking as I reached for the door knob. I slowly turned it and swung the door open to see that she wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest in panic as I closed the door behind myself.

"Alice?" I called out

Suddenly I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and I looked to see the only woman I cared about walking towards me. She looked gorgeous even though she was just wearing sweats and a tee shirt with her hair up in a messy bun. It was a rather out of character look for her but she looked absolutely adorable.

She smiled nervously over at me "Hi Blair."

"H-hi." I stuttered out still looking her up and down on repeat

She put her hands in the pockets of her sweats and looked down "Can you please stop checking me out."

"I'm sorry but honestly I just missed looking at you. I missed everything about you, absolutely everything. You look adorable right now also." I mumbled out awkwardly before scratching the back of my neck and meeting her gaze "I know I'm mumbling like an idiot and I'm sorry but Alice I just missed you so much. I'm literally a fucking disaster dumpster fire of a wreck without you."

She rolled her eyes but a blush spread across her cheeks nonetheless "I missed you too Blair and I don't think I've ever heard you say more compliments at once in my life."

"Well I'm just saying what you deserve to know. You're amazing Alice and honestly I don't deserve you after everything that happened." I stated looking down at my feet "I was behaving like a stuck up bitch and I know that now."

"Well I'm glad we're on the same page." She stated before smiling at me "I can't take this awkward tension, at least hug me."

She held her arms open and I ran over pulling her into my tight grip. The scent of vanilla and lavender surrounded me as well as the warmth of her body against mine. It was overwhelming to be in her arms again when I thought I may never have the chance.

"I missed you." I whispered

She laughed softly "I missed you too."

"I don't want to lose you Alice." I mumbled out, my voice cracking slightly

She nodded into my shoulder "I don't want to lose you either but it's gonna take time to figure this out."

"I know and I'll wait as long as I have to in order to get you back." I said as she pulled back and met my gaze "I'd like to start by asking you out on a date with me this evening."

She gave a conflicted look before nodding head "I'd love to."

"First, we should talk though." I stated taking her hand and leading her over to the couch

She looked over at me and then down at her hands "I need to know that this will never happen again Blair. I need to know that you will never act like that or cheat on me ever again. I need you to not only say it but mean it when you do. I need you to realize exactly how fucked up that was and how much it hurt me. It was supposed to be a fun night for us but you made me feel like you couldn't have fun without behaving as you did. You literally shrugged me off and then even though I trusted you to make good decisions without me you didn't. It's gonna take a long time for you to regain my trust but this is where it's gonna have to start. Do you think you can guarantee me and promise that will never happen again?"

"Yes, without a doubt in my mind you can trust me when I say I would never, ever, hurt you again. I don't know what I was thinking or who I was trying to be that night but it wasn't myself. I was a monster and I hate myself for it. I could never treat you like that again for as long as I live. You are everything to me Alice and I'm sorry that it took all of this to remind me of that. You are absolutely perfect to me and I am going to treat you with respect, kindness and honesty from this point forward." I stated in a hushed tone, feeling tears rolling down my cheeks "I love you so much more than I can ever explain and I missed you so much. You're my world Alice and I'm lost without you."

She looked over at me, seemingly thinking over everything I said as I wiped the tears away. After a couple moments I could feel my palms sweating and my heart beating out of my chest. She had been staring at me blankly for awhile now and it pained me to know that her distance and pain were caused by me and my mistake.

"I love you too Blair." She smiled weakly before reaching over and taking my hand in hers "I'm sorry I just needed a minute to process everything but I think you're telling the truth. I really do think you are and maybe I'm weak or stupid or I don't even know, but I can't stay away from you. You're lucky you're so goddam charming because it's hard to stay mad when you say shit like that."

"I aim to please." I joked, wiping a stray tear from my cheek

She rolled her eyes "You're such an asshole."

Without another word she closed the space between us and pulled me into a sweet passionate kiss that made my mind go blank.