Yours

January 19th

Dear Sophia,

I love you.

I’m sorry sometimes the way it comes out is through worrying. I just care so much. Sometimes it’s impossible not to worry. I know that’s not a very useful thing to do though. Worrying doesn’t help anything.

It’s the weekend now and next week we’re back together. I can always get through the weekend. I’ve done it lots of times. I have your picture and I have you at the other end of the weekend waiting for me.

Instead of sitting at home feeling sad and worrying and being useless I decided not to watch the news today. I wanted to forget about all that. I’ve got a picture of you right next to me and that’s all I want to see.

One of the things I need to try and do for you is stay fit and healthy. I can’t have you worrying about my health just because I’m not active. I think it’s stupid when people say they care about their families but don’t care enough to look after themselves to make sure they don’t die and aren’t around anymore.

When I got up I put some shorts on. I couldn’t tell if they didn’t fit me anymore or not. They felt weird. I’ve not worn shorts in so long they might have just felt weird because I’m not used to them. I decided going for a run was a good thing to try and do. It’s meant to be good for your brain too. I put my trainers on and went out.

I got to the end of the street and it started to rain. I told myself not to let that get to me so I tried to keep going. I was getting near to the high street when my chest started to feel really really hot. My breaths hurt going down my throat. It felt really dry.

I decided I needed to sit down for a minute and get something to drink. I went into Starbucks just in case you were there. You weren’t there. I tried to focus but my eyes weren’t really working. I could see drops hanging off my eyelashes which made it hard to look at anything. I got a bottle of water. I really hate buying bottles of water but it was the only thing I could face letting near my throat. I know when they’re sitting out for a while bottles of water are meant to be bad for you because of the chemicals or something. I was so desperate though that I didn’t care. A bottle of water is better than no water at all.

I decided to walk back home. It was raining quite a bit still but I couldn’t face running. My chest would’ve exploded. I’ve read lots of times that if you run in the rain you get wetter than you do if you walk. The thing is when it’s raining it’s the amount of time you’re stuck in it that’s annoying not the number of raindrops that hit you. Walking back definitely didn’t feel any dryer.

When I got in I sat down until I could breathe normally again. I drank some more water and felt like I hadn’t really done enough.

I tried to do some press ups. I don’t really know how you’re meant to do them. I put my knuckles on the floor but that hurt so I put my palms down. I did a couple but the angle of my arms felt funny. I moved them wider and tried a couple more. It felt really uncomfortable. I decided that they weren’t worth the effort. It’s more of a muscle exercise anyway. Muscles aren’t what I’m after. I don’t want to look like one of those guys that’s really muscly. They end up looking really weird.

I know you’re not after muscles anyway. Brains are far more important for you. That’s what I love about you.

I decided to try and learn a few more words instead. I think my vocabulary must be getting better by now. I think intelligence is the nexus of our relationship. I know that impresses you more than muscles ever would.

I love you.

Yours,

Andrew