Yours

October 20th

Dear Sophia,

I love you. I miss you. I hope you’re ok and somewhere safe.

I didn’t wake up feeling great this morning. The world didn’t seem like a great place to wake up this morning. I actually turned on the news just to see if they’d heard anything about Catherine. They were showing old home footage of her playing and stuff like that. I realised it was about to turn into a big circus where it’s not about finding her but about keeping people watching with new pictures and stuff. I’m not interested in that.

I reckon the papers would rather a kid turns up dead than alive as it probably sells more. I’m going to try and avoid the news so I don’t get sucked into it like everyone else. It’s unfair anyway. Everyone knows little white blonde girls get all the media attention. There are probably loads of other kids out there disappearing but nobody bats an eyelid.

I’d rather we lived in a safe world to raise our kids but I guess it’s up to us to make sure they’re safe instead. I know we can do that. We can do anything together.

I was still feeling a bit uneasy this morning. I really could have done with seeing you. We met at Tesco last week. I decided to head there again just in case that’s when you always do your shop.

You weren’t there. I wasn’t disappointed. I was disappointed not to see you but I didn’t blame you. I should have known really. You did a big shop last week. You didn’t need to go again.

I wandered up and down the aisles just in case you were in there. Then I realised if you’d come in while I was walking up and down I might not have seen you. I went back to the entrance and waited for a bit and then checked the aisles again. After a while I accepted that I wasn’t going to see you today. That’s ok.

At one point I caught a glimpse of a skirt going round the corner and I thought it was you. It had a magic sort of movement to it. I went down the aisle to catch up with you but it wasn’t you. I knew it wasn’t really. The shoes the woman was wearing weren’t the sort of thing you’d wear at all. They weren’t classy or elegant. Up close she didn’t look anything like you. I think she just had a skirt a bit like one you have. She probably saw you wearing it and decided to get it for herself. I guess I just wanted to see you so much that for a minute I convinced myself it might have been you.

I decided while I was there to do the shopping again to get myself in the habit of it. When we’re living together that’s the sort of thing I can take care of when you’re at work.

I made a list of everything I bought. I wanted to check it against the list I made last time we went shopping together. I forgot to bring it with me when I left this morning. I was more excited about seeing you than doing shopping and didn’t really think.

This is everything I bought.

Apples

Oranges

Bananas

Carrots

Onion

Peppers

Cheese

Butter

Bacon

Sausages

Sweetcorn

Milk

Pasta

Bread

Rosemary

Potatoes

Spaghetti

Bolognese sauce

Tinned tomatoes

Chips

Chicken breast

Soy sauce

Chocolate

Crisps

Cod

Red wine

I got home and checked the list. I realised I’d forgotten the baked beans and the corn flakes so I went back and got them. I don’t know what kind of crisps it is you like so I bought a couple more flavours too. It’s good Tesco is open all day so you can always go back if you forget something. Of course soon enough I’ll know everything off by heart and I won’t forget anything. I was quite close today.

I know they say you’re meant to write a list and only get the things written on it. I think it’s to stop impulse buying. It makes sense but I’m sure every now and then I’ll see something I think you might like and I won’t be able to resist picking it up for you.

I love you.

Yours,

Andrew