Yours

January 1st

Dear Sophia,

I love you.

Happy new year.

I slept over midnight. I didn’t want to spend anymore of last year awake so I went to bed really early. It’s a new year now. It’s our year now. This year will be even better than last year. We can’t meet each other again but there are a million other things we can do.

I had this dream last night. I was sitting in the living room with you and my mum. I knew it was her. She kept saying she loved me more than anything. You and her were getting on really well. You kept saying the same thing at the same time and laughing. She said she wouldn’t want anyone but us living here. She said I had to take care of everything.

I’m glad I’ve got this extra bit of time now. I was feeling pretty annoyed with myself for not getting everything ready in time for Christmas. Now I feel quite lucky. I’d rather we lived together now obviously but there’s still some things I should do first. I have to take care of everything by Valentine’s.

I read once that the best way to make sure you do something you want to do is to tell someone else you’re going to do it so you feel guilty if you don’t. Like if you wanted to lose weight you could tell someone you know everything that you eat so you’d be embarrassed if you had to tell them you’d eaten loads of bad stuff. I don’t know why you couldn’t just lie about it but I guess in theory it works.

I’ve decided I’m going to give all my new years resolutions to you. I know I won’t lie to you about them. You’ll keep me on the right track. I’ve never made resolutions before but I’ve realised there’s lots of things I really should work on so I think it’s a good idea.

I was prepared not to see you today. Starbucks was actually open but nobody was in town really apart from a few people still in dresses and suits from last night. I didn’t expect you to be there but still I thought I’d check. It’s ok though. I wanted to start working on the new me anyway.

I spent the time walking home thinking of the things I really need to be able to do for us. This is what I’ve got so far. Get better at cooking. Learn to cook a Christmas dinner. Learn to ride a bike so I can teach the kids. Learn to drive. Try and get in better shape. Learn how a car works in case the car breaks down. Learn about house alarms. Learn about wine. Learn about home insurance. Learn about different kinds of dogs. Learn how to do a nappy. Learn some French. Learn some new words to improve my vocabulary.

There are probably some others too but those are the ones I can remember right now.

I think they’re all things it’s important I’m able to do. I think it’ll be quite easy for us to work out whether I’m doing well at them or not. I know they’re not make or break things for us. I know you don’t think I need to change but I want to be the best I can for you. I don’t want there to ever be a situation where I can’t do what you need me to do. There are so many things we’re going to do together. It means there are loads of things I need to be able to do. Some things are more pressing than others though. I can’t ski either but I think it’s better I learn how to cook before I learn how to ski. I think you’ll agree with that.

I want everything to be perfect.

I love you.

Yours,

Andrew