Yours

January 8th

Dear Sophia,

I love you.

I was there just in case. I don’t tell you that to make you feel bad. I just want you to know if you ever end up changing your plans you can still expect me to be there just in case. I’d rather I was a bit disappointed that I didn’t get to see you than you be really disappointed that I wasn’t there when you needed me.

I watched everyone come in and out. I felt like I wanted to be away somewhere else too. I think you’ve got the right idea.

I sat there for a while. I started hating it. I hated everyone there. They all looked so pointless. They weren’t doing anything useful. They didn’t matter. They just made the place look even more gloomy. It all felt really awful. I knew you weren’t coming. It wasn’t good enough for you.

On the way home the streets looked dark and awful too. I got home and the house felt empty and cold. The kitchen didn’t look real.

My bed’s really uncomfortable. I’ve been lying on it for the last few hours and I just can’t relax at all. I’ve not even put music on or anything. I just lie down facing one way for a few seconds then turn over to try the other way and then flip backwards and forwards not getting comfortable at all. It’s just made me sweat lots which has made the bed even worse to lie on. It’s cold and damp now. It’s just not right us not being together. It’s not right when I don’t know when we’ll be together again.

Even the photo over the bed doesn’t look right. It has this weird gloss on it. It’s kind of shiny in that way photos are that makes your fingerprints show up on them. That’s not real. That’s not what people look like. When I look at you you do give off a kind of warm light but you’re the only thing that does that. In real life the walls aren’t shiny and the other people aren’t shiny.

The photo isn’t right. It’s not enough. I need you. The real you. It reminds me of some of our best days together. That just makes me miss you even more. Nothing comes close to really being with you and having this photo doesn’t change that.

I don’t know what the point in me practicing things and getting better is when we’re not together. I’m not me without you. I don’t feel complete without you and I don’t know when I’ll have you again. Everything else is irrelevant when I don’t have you. All I want is you. All I need is you.

I love you. I miss you.

Yours,

Andrew