Meghan, My Chaos

Chapter 52

Chapter 52: Right Place

Adrien Rives's POV

"Here's your strawberry smoothie with chia seeds," the waitress said, handing me my order. I gave her a smile and took my order.

It took me a while trying to find the smoothie Meghan wanted, but I feel glad that I'm holding it in my hand right now, feeling the coldness of the drink on my palm.

"Thanks," sabi ko do'n sa waitress at nagsimula nang maglakad paalis.

We still have a lot of time before sunset, I'm planning to invite Meghan to ride the ferris wheel right when the sun sets. I know it's really cliche and she might find it lame, but I really think it's really romantic.

I kept walking, remembering the path I took on my way here from where Meghan is. Ano kayang ginagawa niya ngayon? I should text her na pabalik na 'ko.

I went to reach for my phone in my pocket, only to realize that it's not there.

"Shit," bulong ko sa sarili ko.

She wouldn't check it, right?

I felt my heart beating faster habang binibilisan ko 'yong paglakad ko. Kung hindi niya nabasa, I should get back as fast as I can para makuha agad 'yong phone ko. Kung nabasa niya naman, mas lalong kailangan ko na makabalik do'n para magpaliwanag.

Fuck. I should have told her about the text. I should have told her about Katniss. I should have told her everything.

My feet couldn't help but walk faster and faster, and soon, narealize ko nalang na tumatakbo na pala ako.

The last time we had a misunderstanding, I lost her. And I can't lose her again. I can't handle losing her every single time I'm starting to have her.

I felt my sweat dripping as I stop to look at her. Something about the way she stares blankly at her half-eaten cotton candy makes me know how she's feeling.

It felt as if the air got thick, and in some way, made me feel cold.

Nandito ako ngayon sa likod niya, staring at her, and the way she's sitting so still at the bench, with my phone sitting closely beside her, makes me know she's read it.

As hard as it is to do so, I walked slowly towards her, holding my breath as I sit beside her.

Before I could say anything, she started talking, and I don't know if it was a relief or it made me feel worse.

"Naiintindihan kita, Adrien," bulong niya, still staring at her cotton candy. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, so she continued speaking, "We're different. For someone like you, this whole 'running away' thing is completely stupid."

"Meghan, the message-" I knew I had to cut her off, but I wasn't able to continue what I was trying to say when she gestured for me to shut up. Napalunok ako at nanahimik nalang.

"I know you're that logical type of person na pinaplano lahat ng gagawin niya. You're so stable, so organized, everything about you is in order. Your whole life is so preciously planned, and I'm just a fucking flaw in it!"

"Meghan, it's not like that-"

"I don't want this anymore, Adrien. You're too... different."

"Please, listen to me. I just sent that message para tigilan niya na 'yong pangengealam sa ating dalawa! I didn't mean any single word I told her!" pagpapaliwanag ko habang tumatayo siya.

"No, it doesn't even matter kung totoo 'yong sinabi mo sa kaniya. Katniss is right. You're acting stupid just because of me, na wala namang mga plano sa buhay."

"No, no, Meghan-"

"You have so much ahead of you, Adrien! You're smart, you're attractive, you have a perfect fucking life, and I'm just a fucked up girl who's dragging you into shitty things that aren't meant for you!" sigaw niya habang nakatingin sa akin, making my heart ache. "You're so fucking perfect and you shouldn't be hanging out with me, na walang ibang gusto kung 'di uminom, mag-roadtrip, tapos uminom ulit, mag-car sex, at murahin lahat ng manggagago sa kaniya kapag lasing na siya!"

It felt as if the world stopped when I saw her tears falling. She's so much more than what she's saying. She's wrong. She's so wrong about everything.

"I am just that fucking Troye Sivan song that makes people wanna sneak out at 2 AM and drive around the city with a beer on one hand. Gano'n lang ako, Adrien! I am just that book people read to escape reality for  while! And people like you wouldn't stay with me for long because your realities are good! You don't need to escape it!"

"T-that's not true, Meghan. You're not just my escape, you're-"

"Let's stop fucking around, Adrien. Whatever we both are, we shouldn't be with each other," mariing sabi niya at naramdaman kong tumulo na rin 'yong mga luha ko. It's hard seeing her like this. "We shouldn't have met."

"Don't fucking say that," sagot ko sa kaniya at tumayo na rin.

"Why? Why the fuck am I not supposed to say that? Totoo naman, e. We wouldn't be hurting now if we didn't meet-"

"Don't say that because whatever happens to the two of us, kahit pa sirain mo lahat ng maganda sa buhay ko, I would still be thankful that I met you, and if next lives exist, I'd wish to meet you, again, and again, and over and over again," I said, staring right at her, with tired eyes and a heavy heart who only wants her.

"You're fucking stupid," bulong niya habang umiiling-iling, tears still falling from her eyes.

"I'm smart, but I never promised I would stay the same when I fall in love with you, Meghan."

"What?" naguguluhang tanong niya at huminga ako nang malalim.

"I'm fucking in love with you."

"What?!" tanong niya ulit.

"I said I'm in love-"

"Alam ko 'yong sinabi mo! Hindi ako bingi! What I mean is..." She took a deep breath and continued, "You can't be fucking in love with me."

"But I am."

"But you can't!"

"But I don't fucking care because I already am," I said, making her speechless. Her tears stopped falling and she's now staring at me like I've said the dumbest thing she's ever heard.

"You're... seriously insane. Gago ka, Adrien! After everything I've said, you're just gonna go tell me you don't fucking care about everything because you're in love with-"

I know it's rude to stop her from talking, but I guess I was never really kind.

I placed my hands on her waist, swiftly pulling her close, making her eyes widen. And suddenly, my heart wasn't as heavy as it was about 7 seconds ago. Actually, it felt like it was flying in my chest, dancing and twirling around as I press my lips against Meghan's.

I was always good in essays, and writing papers for school. I'm good with words. I know the word to each and every feeling, I can describe anything clearly and flawlessly, but I can't seem to put into words all these feelings I have for Meghan.

I feel so fucking stupid, but at the same time, I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

And the only right thing I know right at this moment is being with Meghan, through everything, and to the end, wherever the fuck that is.

"You shouldn't be here with me, Adrien, it's so wrong."

"No, Meghan. Don't worry, I'm not choosing the wrong direction. I'm just in the right place," bulong ko sa kaniya, caressing her face as she looked up to meet my eyes.

"This amusement park is the right place?" naguguluhang tanong niya na ikinatawa ko.

"No," I muttered, pulling her close in an embrace. I buried my face in her neck as I hug her. "You're the right place."