Meghan, My Chaos

Chapter 44

Chapter 44: Want

Meghan Ferren's POV

"Are you hungry? Do you want me to go buy you something? Or maybe we could order some-"

"I'm not in the mood for anything, Adrien." Mahinang sabi ko sakanya at napatigil siya sa paglalakad-lakad dito sa hotel room ko. We just got in at kakaupo ko lang sa kama.

"You need to eat, Meghan. Kahit wala ka sa mood." Sabi niya sa akin at napabuntong-hininga nalang ako. The room looks squeaky clean and elegant. I wonder what Adrien's room looks like.

"I'm horny." I said, making his face flush a bright red. Pinigilan kong ngumiti habang pinapanood siyang matulala.

I stood up and walked slowly towards him, letting each step seduce him.

"Hearing me say that turns you on, doesn't it?" Bulong ko sakanya nang makalapit ako. I bit my lip as I stare at his lips and back into his eyes. "You make me horny, Adrien." I slowly said, making sure he feels every word I let out of my mouth. Dahan-dahan kong hinawakan iyong balikat niya, watching him shiver at my touch.

I don't really feel horny right now. I just feel like doing these things to him. I just want to divert my thoughts from the memories of my family into fucking him.

Inilapit ko iyong mukha ko sa kaniya, letting his lips brush against mine. I smiled and moved towards his ear.

"Will you do me a favor, Adrien?" I whispered in his ear, making him feel my breath. I let my hands travel from his neck and down to his chest. Making sure my touch isn't something he'll forget by tomorrow. "Will you tell me you want me?" Mahinang sabi ko, na para bang gusto kong walang ibang makakaalam sa mga salita na ibinubulong ko sa kaniya ngayon.

Napaatras ako nang bigla siyang sumagot. I didn't expect for him to answer.

"I-I want you." He said in a shaking voice and I couldn't help but grin.

"I know you do." Sabi ko sa kaniya at hinayaang bumaba iyong kamay ko papunta sa kamay niya. I slowly grabbed his hand and placed it on my neck, closing my eyes as I feel how warm his skin feels against mine. "But I want you to say it slower." I whispered as I made his hands travel from my neck and up into my lips. I opened my eyes and looked straight at him. Mukha siyang nanghihina sa ginagawa ko. I love it. I continued staring at him as I licked his thumb. "I want you to tell m-"

"Stop this, Meghan." Bigla niyang sabi na ikinagulat ko. He pulled his hand away from me at umiwas ng tingin. What's wrong with him? Every guy I've been with wasn't able to resist me. How can he be different?

"Why?" Mariin at naiiritang tanong ko sa kaniya as he stepped away from me.

"You're trying to use me." Sabi niya sa akin nang hindi parin ako tinitingnan. He looks seriously sad, and at the same time, angry.

"Ano bang sinasabi mo, Adrien?"

"I know what you're doing. You're using me as your distraction." Seryosong sabi niya sa akin. His voice sounds so cold to the point that it sends shivers down my spine. "You want to stop thinking about your problems so much that you want to fuck me to distract yourself."

Napatulala ako sa mga sinabi niya. He's right. He always is. It makes me both furious and fascinated that he understands me so well.

"Meghan, I really, really like you." Mahinang sabi niya at umiwas na naman ng tingin.

I felt my heart breaking. Ang bigat, ang sakit, ang hirap. I feel guilty.

Maybe I used people so much that I thought it was okay to do it to everyone. And now I'm doing it to Adrien.

"I really like you, and that's why I don't want to be just like any other guy you sleep with." Klaro at direktang sabi niya sa akin. Napayuko ako, still unable to find strength to say that I'm sorry. Or to say anything at all. "I want to be your man, Meghan. I don't want to just be your distraction. If we're gonna fuck, I wanna do it because we want each other. I don't wanna sleep with you just so that you could stop thinking about the shitty things in your life."

Hindi ako makagalaw. I think I've hurt him. I made him feel like an object for me to play with. I made him feel like he was nothing else than a game I can play when I'm bored.

"I like being with you more than anyone else, Meghan. And I'm always gonna go with you, kahit saan mo pa gusto pumunta. But please take me seriously, because I wouldn't do all this running away shit with anyone else other than you." Mariing sabi niya at naglakad na palayo sa akin, leaving me feeling like shit.

I want to run after him. I wanna apologize and hug him. I want him to stay the night at my room so we can do nothing but cuddle and talk about our favorite little things in life. I want him in ways I've never wanted anyone else.

But for the first time, I couldn't seem to do what I want to.

Dati, kung anong maisip ko, gagawin ko. Kung anong tingin kong ikakasaya ko, kahit nakakahiya, napakatanga o napakahirap, ay gagawin ko. I've always thought that I'm brave. Who knew that an Adrien Rives could prove me otherwise?

I brushed my hair in frustration as I walked back into my bed. Nagpabagsak ako rito at hinayaang lumubog ang katawan ko sa kama. I closed my eyes, trying to convince myself to get up and apologize to Adrien.

Putangina mo, Meghan. Duwag ka. You're a fucking spoiled brat who thinks she-

Muntik na akong mahulog sa kama ko nang marinig kong muling bumukas 'yong pinto ng room ko.

"W-Why did you-" Napatulala ako nang biglang pumasok si Adrien sa k'warto at naglakad papunta sa akin. Hindi ko na alam kung paano ituloy iyong sinasabi ko. It's as if I left my voice somewhere.

"I like you so fucking much, Meghan. And I won't be able to sleep tonight nang hindi natin naaayos 'to." Mabilis na sabi niya sa akin at tinitigan ko lang siya, still shocked that he suddenly came back.

Fuck. I should say something. Siya na itong pumunta rito para magkaayos kami.

"I-I'm s-" Tumigil muna ako sa pagsasalita dahil sa kahihiyan na nauutal ako. Napalunok at umiwas ng tingin. I closed my eyes in embarrassment sa sunod na sasabihin ko. "I'm sorry."

Putangina. I wonder what he's thinking about right now. Nakakahiya-

Parang tumigil ang lahat, kasama na ang kaba at lahat nang tumatakbo sa isip ko nang maramdaman ko siyang hilain ako papunta sa kaniya.

He suddenly, but gently pressed his lips against mine, making me feel butterflies in my stomach and a fucking zoo in my chest.

It felt so fascinating. The way his hands pulled me in, the way our lips collided like they're supposed be with each other, the way my body felt like he's my sanctuary, it all felt like a fucking poem.

The feeling was so fierce, yet gentle, and so much, but so inadequate.

And he's the only reason for all these complicated emotions.

"I want you." I whispered, and although I've said that line countless times before, this is the first time I've said it with my heart beating swiftly and my legs feeling frail.

And tonight became the best night of my life because of what he whispered after sending me kisses down to my neck.

"Trust me, I want you so much more than you want me."