Meghan, My Chaos

Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Feelings

Adrien Rives's POV

I feel weird.

I feel really weird.

"I- uh, a-" Nanahimik nalang ako kasi hindi ko rin alam kung ano bang pinaplano kong sabihin.

I felt something weird in my chest. Then down into my stomach. I felt a tingling sensation in my lips. Smack lang 'yon but it made me feel too many things.

Hindi ako makagalaw. I can't do anything else but stare at her. Nakatingin lang rin siya sa akin.

"I wanna kiss you again." Bigla niyang sabi at nakatulala parin ako sakanya.

Meghan. Meghan. Meghan. My brain is screaming her name. Wala akong ibang maisip kundi yung labi niya sa akin.

I used to think that kissing isn't a big deal. That it's just two body parts, touching each other. But now that those two body parts are mine and Meghan's, parang nababaliw na ako.

"W-why?" Nauutal na tanong ko sakanya.

Hindi ko na maramdaman yung mga binti ko. I feel like I'm floating. Sobrang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko, to the point na natatakot akong maramdaman niya.

"Bakit? Ayaw mo ba?" Inis na tanong niya at medyo nagpanic ako. I do. I want her to kiss me again. I want it to last, ayoko ng smack lang. But I don't understand why I want it. "Edi wag." Sabi niya at lumayo sa akin.

Hindi parin ako makapagsalita sa gulat, kaba, at sa fascination sa mga nararamdaman ko ngayon. Meghan makes me feel too many feelings. I might go crazy. And I might enjoy it.

Pinanood ko nalang siya maglakad at umikot papunta sa driver's seat. Napabuntong hininga nalang ako nang sumakay na siya. Sumakay nalang narin ako. Fuck! Hindi ko maintindihan sarili ko!

She started the car nang hindi umiimik. It felt weird. We used to argue about everything. Ngayon na sobrang tahimik namin, parang gusto ko nalang magaway nang magaway ulit.

"I- I, uh-" Napalunok ako. Why can't I speak straight?! Nakita kong inirapan niya ako. Baka iniisip niya na ayoko nung kiss. Fuck. Think, Adrien. Think! "I'm hungry. Could you stop the car, kain muna tayo?" Sabi ko at tiningnan niya ako.

"Fine." Sabi niya at tinabi yung kotse. She started opening the rice meal she got at pinanood ko siya. Kinakabahan parin ako at hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin sakanya.

"S-sorry." Bigla kong sabi habang nakayuko.

"You don't have to apologize. It's fine if you don't wanna kiss me." Sabi niya at napatingin agad ako sakanya.

"No! It's not like what you think. Hindi lang kasi ako sanay sa mga ganyang bagay. I- I didn't know how to react. Nor deal with how it felt." Sabi ko, nakatitig parin sakanya. Napatingin siya sa akin at parang nawala na yung inis niya.

"So... You liked it?" Mahinang tanong niya, almost as if she's nervous. Napangiti ako at tumango. Binitawan niya yung hawak niya at hinila yung damit ko.

And just like that, she started kissing me again. I didn't know what to do. It's overwhelming. It's fascinating, and I feel like I'm in love, kahit na hindi ko alam kung ano nga ba yung love.

"H-hindi ako marunong." Amin ko sakanya when she bit my lower lip. Tumigil siya at tinitigan ako.

"Really?" Tanong niya na nakatingin sa akin. I felt my heart beating so fucking fast, nakakakaba. "It's okay. Just do what you want to do with me. Go with the flow." Sabi niya at tumango nalang ako.