Bedroom Floor (Harry Styles)

Chapter 85: Howard Stern Show

14th August 2018

"how do you manage to keep your personal life out of the public eye? is it hard to do?" Howard asked so i shook my head "i've always wanted to protect my relationships, so that means you don't tell people your business, i only ever tell my family and friends who i'm extremely close too, i don't even tell them half the time. i just never want my private life to get out in the public eye because then it's not my private life anymore, i then have millions of people's input on how they think i should live my life" i tell Howard truthfully "it's quite hard to do when you're a celeb, like it's so hard to go on a date with someone without your face being plastered over the internet and everyone looking into it and trying to come up with conclusions as to why you're out with a certain someone, it gets annoying, it's why i try and do everything behind the scenes if i can. like movie dates at home with food. i think stuff like that is nicer than fancy restraunts" i tell him and he agrees with me.

"right, that's understandable!" he nodded "going back to your album... did you play it to anyone before it was released??"
i scrunched my face up and replied "umm— not really. the only people who heard some of it was harry and zayn— oh and Rob Stringer, he listened to it and loved it"

"who's that your boss?" Howard asks and i shrug "hmm yeah." i say "you could say that. Rob runs the label i am with"
"what label are you with?" he wondered
"Columbia.. so Sony, he's like the head of Sony, he signed me.. and i know him because he signed one direction so i'm no stranger to him," i say as i play with the wire on the headphones "when i signed with him i called him and basically told him i needed time. i needed time to be able to fully decide on the career i wanted in my heart, he was so desperate to sign me, he really wanted my name under his label, for me to.. potentially not"

"to not make music??" he finished my sentence before i could and i nodded "yeah," i said "i told him i felt like i needed to breathe, because it was crazy to me that such a huge label wanted me! then in 2016 i was signed to RCA and Syco"

"who's your management company?" howard wondered "modest management" i replied softly.
"i've heard some shit about them and the stuff they put their artists through, as well as Simon Cowell, i really don't like Simon"

what do i say to that?? i looked at him and shrugged my shoulders forward furrowing my brows "oh?"
Howard nodded "yeah i don't really like him, i don't agree with the stuff he's done"
i nodded and carried on "well he didn't actually listen to the album, and neither did no one from RCA, Rob loved my album and just informed RCA and Syco that my album would be successful and they listened, so it was released under my three record labels"

"why so many??" he asked making me laugh "i don't know.." i shrugged
"what celebrities apart from your small circle of one direction are you close with??" he wondered.
"mmm, little mix, i toured with them last month, they're amazing." i smiled "i've also done a song with them. i'm friends with the boyband who toured with little mix last month who won the xfactor last year, RakSu, they're amazing boys." i smiled "ariana grande, she's great. i'm friends with kylie jenner, kendall jenner, kim kardashian and the others. i don't really talk to them often though. i'd say little mix and ariana grande are my closest friends out side of my one direction circle as you'd say" i chuckled softly.
"speaking of Ariana Grande.. you was at the show in manchester that got bombed.. wasn't you? you actually was really injured, am i right?"
i nodded and cleared my throat "um yeah i was," i smiled softly.
"i can only imagine how terrifying that was, and i watched the one love manchester and was captivated by your performance.. how strong you was, and your performance in general was amazing, you are a born performer and entertainer.. as well as a vocalist"

"awww" i said, that was really sweet "thank you!" i grinned "i had my boys with me, they surprised me, which was great, i don't think i'd of pulled myself together as good as i did without the boys" i inform Howard.
"how did that come about then?? how did the boys show up? because you said you had no idea it was happening"

"umm yeah. it was crazy, i was like two or three songs in and the screams got louder and louder and i thought to myself 'well they aren't screaming for me, that's for sure' and i kind of turned to see what niall had done thinking he maybe got them to scream like that. then out of the corner of my eye i saw Harry, Liam and Louis coming down the catwalk singing, i was shocked." i tell him laughing softly "and it turns out niall planned it with the boys and they flew down from america to be there with me," i smiled softly "it was very heart warming, i was so thankful, i still am" i not graciously.

"and you was still in pain while performing wasn't you??" Howard asked and i nodded "yeah i was. i was taking my medication and i wasn't in pain as much as i was when the bombing had happened"
"what injuries do you actually hold now?"
i shrug softly "well, they're just scars now, i have scars on the top of my thighs, my arm and shoulder, as well as my stomach. but it's only my stomach, thighs and shoulders that ever sometimes still hurt, my actual arms don't hurt that much" i shook my head
"when is it when they start hurting??" he asked and i inwardly smirk glancing over at harry. he slowly smirks back at me. i look back at Howard and reply "when i'm doing physical stuff" i tell him briefly and he nodded.

"talking about medication and taking the right amounts.. you actually had a overdose didn't you? how did that happen?" he said. fuck me this guy is brutal.

"well it was um— it was—" i stumbled over my words "it was the end of october, Halloween to be exact, and i don't know what had happened previously, a show maybe? but i remember when i woke up Harry had told me i was number one after a previous performance that had made the single jump to number one or two. i grabbed my phone and read the messages of my friends and family congratulating me. i went to social media to read my fans congratulating me.. then i read the horrible messages.. you know like—" i swallowed the thick lump in my throw

"the harsh ones?" he said. i nodded and furrowed my eyebrows "yeah, yeah, it was horrible reading stuff like that. i had people w-wishing i was dead, people telling me to actually die, some people was saying my family are disappointed in me, they was saying i wasn't my mother's child or louis' sibling, they said my mother wouldn't be proud of me... they said i was talentless. they ripped into me—" i breathed shaking my head as my eyes watered "i don't care if people find me talentless, like obviously my music doesn't match everyone's preferences in the world, that's the same with me, i don't like certain singer's music— i'd never tell them to die because they had success though!" i shook my head disappointingly.

"i then um went home because i stayed the night at Harry's.. i went home without telling him— i think he was in the shower or something. so i got home and read the messages again i think— it's all really blurry still" i told Howard and he nodded with a soft smile. "and i took just a selection of random pills, mixed it with a alcohol and waited for it to kick in—"

"what was running through your mind?" Howard asked "when you was initially you know- waiting for the overdose to essentially kick in??"

"i'm not sure really, i was thinking about my family, my friends— how if this worked and i died, how heartbroken t-they'd be" my voice cracked a little "i was talking to my mum too, i was chatting to her about something— can't really remember what, i think i remember saying i'd see her soon, then i passed out" i told Howard.
"who found you? who saved your life?"

"Harry" i smiled softly.
"as in harry styles? your boyfriend, harry?" Howard asked, he looked shocked with relief.
i nodded "yeah, i was obviously already passed out in my home when he arrived. he knew it was weird that i left his without a reason and without saying bye. so he must of popped to mine a hour or so later maybe and found me on the floor and rang the ambulance" i smiled softly.
Howard's eyes softened "he saved you then?"

i laughed softly and dabbed a tear away "yeah he did, and i'll be forever thankful" i nod and glance over at him. he wiped a tear away too. i smiled and look back at Howard.
"thank god for harry styles then!" Howard smiled softly "i'm sorry that happened to you and i'm sorry you've been through some terrible stuff. but i can see you look very happy now which is great!" Howard said making me smile "thank you so much!"

we talked more about the album and about my mum, and who my influences are for this album. we talked about the remainder of my tour and new music. i then performed a handful of songs, answered a few more questions; then we was free to leave as the radio/pre recorded interview was finished.

we said bye to Howard and left.

"he's a little brutal isn't he??" i asked harry as we climbed into the car. Harry laughed and agreed with me.