Feelings come whenever they feel, no time limit or warning. Sometimes those feelings can become chaotic , stirring up some drama.
BFL (Best Friends's lover)
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"I can't believe I'm doing this" I said aloud to myself, knowing this is a set up for failure. We both needed closure so it has to be done eventually. "There's no way, I'm going by myself" I murmured, knocking on Noah's door. He turned the knob, peeking his head out the door. "How can I help you" he questioned.
"Put on some shoes, we're going to Nat's house" he wasted no time, putting on a random pair of shoes that didn't match his outfit. "I haven't seen my girlfriend in so long, I miss her" he said, walking with me to the car.
"Wait-are y'all cool again" he asks sitting in the passenger seat, putting on his seatbelt.
"Not really but that's why I'm going over there" I answered as he looked at me for a seconds and laughed out loud. "You must think I'm dumb, so I'm suppose to be bait for her to give you the time of day, nigga you crack me up".
Instead of responding, I rolled my eyes, reaching to turn up the radio, drowning out his giggles in the background. The ride to her house was smooth but my adrenaline was raising by the second. Sitting in the driveway for a moment, I started to think if this is a smart move. I'm doing this off a impulse , not a rational decision. What if she doesn't even open the door? Would she really do me like that? What if she doesn't feel the same? Is it possible for us to ever get together again?
"So you gon' keep staring at the house or go inside" Noah pestered , making the urge stronger of me wanting to smack him, I should've left him at home. "I really wish you would be quiet" I said as he shrugged his shoulders, ignoring my statement. Unlocking his door, he opened it and ran to the porch, knocking on Natalie's front door. My eyes widened quickly hopping out the car, on the way to snatch him up by the collar but the door opened, revealing Natalie.
Her curls were in a messy bun, no eyelashes nor makeup, showing her bare skin. She seemed caught off guard but covered it with an awkward smile. Seeing Noah, she bent down giving him a hug and a kiss on the forehead. I chuckled as Noah nearly melted from her touch, clinging on to her for dear life. "Hey Noah, I missed you."
"I missed you to, love. Just because you and Julian broke up, doesn't mean you have to neglect me. I can give you my iCloud and we can chat" he offered and Natalie laughed. "Would y'all like to come inside" she questioned as Noah wasted no time taking up the offer.
I looked around not seeing anyone else, so I'm taking it, I came at the right time. She set him up with a show on Netflix before bringing her attention to me. Moving her index finger in a 'come here' motion, I followed behind her in the kitchen, taking the chance to admire her. I haven't seen her in person in about a month or two, it's been a minute. She leaned against the counter, looking me in the eyes with a hard expression to read. She didn't look mad but she wasn't happy either. "Wanna explain your reasoning for popping up at the house."
I twisted my lips to the side, sighing. "Noah wanted to come see-" she snapped her finger signaling for me to shut up. "Can I hear the real reason".
"I wanna talk to you, I feel like we ended on a bad note." I expressed, watching her expression soften. "I would like to have a civilized conversation, no yelling or non' of that"
She agreed, going on the patio, sitting at the table, I sat across from her. "Can I go first" I asked and she nodded. "First off, I wanna say I'm sorry for my actions this year. It's really no excuse and I'm finally man enough to own up to my wrongs. Honestly, you could've broke up with me, way before the cheating thing but you stuck around, because you saw more than what I was portraying. Your real as fuck for that and I thank you." , I let it all off my chest, feeling a wet substance fall down my cheek. She reached over the table, wiping away the tear.
"Don't cry because I'll start" she chuckled before sighing. "I wanna apologize for my behavior that night, I feel bad for behaving like that in your father's house. You broke me that night, J-J-Ju" she started to stutter, her voice cracking. "You know I cried for a whole week after we broke up. I loved you so much, so fucking much but that wasn't someone I fell in love with." She shook her head, avoiding eye contact with me and kept her focus on her nails. It made me feel like shit, knowing that I'm the reason for her crying herself to sleep at one point.
"It wasn't even the cheating the really fucked me up, it's the fact that you kept so much from me" she voiced, catching my attention. "The popping pills, to keeping a sex tape, and then not being honest with me about your feelings with Laila".
"I didn't wanna hear another lecture. Everyone has already been on my back, I didn't need one from you to and telling you about Laila, I don't wanna risk losing you".
I thought being opening about Laila would ruin things and that's the last thing I wanted. "Just think though, this could've well been avoided. We could've took a break, you could've did whatever you needed to do and come to a conclusion, but it's whatever. What's done is done, it's all in the past now".
The conversation died down and cleared my throat, finally growing the halls to ask the last question. The one that's been on my mind for weeks, it's time. "I love you Natalie, so fucking much." Her eyes gazed into mine, leaning back into her chair. "I know you still have love for me. Do you think we can start over? Make each other happy again".
She stared at me for a second, a sympathetic smile on her face and it turned into a frown. "Can I be honest" she said.
"That's all I want"
"I don't think it's worth giving another try" those words stung. I literally felt my heart split into two. "Let's be honest. I won't be able to trust you again, that's not healthy for a relationship."
"We can rebuild that"
"For crying out loud, you have feelings for Laila" , everything she's saying his true but I wasn't trynna hear that. "I'm not competing for nobody's attention. The last thing you need to be worried about is trying to fix a broken relationship."
I sniffed. "So you mean to tell me that you don't miss us a tiny bit".
"Of course, I'm still getting use to not calling you and ranting about my day or kissing you or even getting on your nerves. I miss our conversations but shit changed so fast. It got to the point where it got draining to hold a conversation knowing deep down I couldn't stand you anymore. I was keeping secrets from my own blood, someone I tell everything so he wouldn't drip about the foul shit you were doing." She vented, wiping a tear. "I shouldn't be feeling like that".
"I hope you can understand where I'm coming from" she says, coming over to my side of the table, holding out her hand. I take it as she helped me up, wrapping her arms around my neck. She laid her head on my chest, as I rubbed her back. "Find someone who makes you happy, learn from your mistakes in this relationship and be better."
Instead of responding, I sobbed like a bitch. I ruined something amazing but maybe for the best. I learned a valuable lesson and it really taught me a lot for future references. It hurt me that she wasn't willing to make things work anymore but it wasn't a surprise. "Are we on good terms now" she asked, pulling back, wiping her eyes once again.
"Yes" I said as she smiled and gladly returned it. "Thanks for the closure , I really needed it".
"We were gonna have to talk at some point" she said. "I applaud you for being mature to take the steps into making that happen."
Going back inside, Noah was focused into some random show. He averted his attention to us, running in our direction. "Y'all good now" he asked, giving us a group hug.
