Group Therapy

65 - Unpredictable.

"Our hands are gently intertwined, a feeling l
just can't describe."

Imagination ~ Shawn Mendes.

° ° ° °

We're about four hours into the drive back home now, last time l slept through the whole thing so l didn't realize how far away from our houses this place is.

The clock on my phone reads 9:49pm and I'm not even sure how the driver is still driving as it's pitch black outside and the only light that could be seen for miles is our car's headlights, not even a single street light can be seen in the distance.

I would ask when we're going to arrive but l don't want to know, l just want to enjoy the last few hours with my best friends, the people l love the most.

I lay my head on Ryder's shoulder and he rests his head against mine in response.

He intertwines his hand with mine as we just lay on each other's shoulders, not saying a word but both feeling it in the air.

Feeling what? You may ask.

I don't quite know, it's not tension but it's close to it.

Not the uncomfortable kind of tension though, the kind where we both know whatever we had is coming to an end, or coming to a stop for a while until the time is right again.

We both know it.

The silence is quite different though, it's not exactly comfortable but neither is it uncomfortable. It's overwhelmingly calming.

Unlike most love stories I've heard, ryder doesn't make me get butterflies in my stomach or make me nervous everytime he walks into the room.

He makes me feel warm, at home. I don't get nervous around him l get excited. He's unpredictable and that makes me wonder everytime I'm with him what he's going to say or do next.

Normally l would get nervous when someone is unpredictable as you never know what they're going to do and that can be pretty terrifying but with ryder it's like even if l want to be nervous around him l just can't, something about him just gives you sense of warmth and peace.

A few months ago l was terrified to be around him because he's so unpredictable but now l crave being around him for the exact same reason. Funny, isn't it?

I don't know if l can quite call it love, l don't even really know what love is. But one thing I'm sure about is that l like him, l really really like him.

As if reading my mind, he softly whispers "It's okay, don't think about it too much." making sure to keep his voice as low as possible as everyone else except the driver is asleep.

I gently pull his hand up to my mouth and place a small kiss on it and try to gather up enough words in my mind to describe how l feel but eventually fail to do so.

He returns the kiss and gives me a knowing look and a small nod before adjusting himself so l can lay on his shoulder again, as if knowing what l want to say without even having to say it.

Oh god I'm dying to put this feeling into words, it's truly beautiful. I've never felt anything like it before.

It's like the warmth of the fire place on christmas eve and the excitement you felt as a kid when you opened your eyes only to that realize it's christmas morning.

Or maybe the feeling of standing on the shore on an empty beach as the cool breeze hits you gently making you feel slightly chilly but the feeling of the water softly splashing against your feet is too good for you to walk back in and get a jacket.

Or the feeling of laying down in the sand on a starry night at the beach and watching the stars glimmer in the dark sky. Something so simple yet so beautiful.

And then you realize that what you're feeling isn't just liking someone anymore, it's feeling incomplete without them, or feeling like a part of you is missing despite being in a room full of people, mid-laugh with your friends. Then it hits you, you feel that way because you love that person.

But then you proceed to ask yourself why? What's so special about that person that makes you feel this way?

And when you try to think of the reasons you find that they're indescribable.

Why do l love ryder? That's something only a person who's been in love before will understand.

° ° ° °

How's it going everyone?

For those of you who text me via insta or pm on wattpad l just want to apologize for not replying, yesterday something happened and a very close person to me (l won't mention my relation to them for privacy reasons) got admitted into the hospital and as you can imagine it hasn't been easy and l haven't had the time or mindset to talk to anyone at all so I'm truly sorry but l won't be replying to any messages aside from comments regarding the story/writing for the next few days.

Thank you all for all the wonderful comments l get on here, these comments are one of the few things that get me through times like this.

Lots of love to all you beautiful souls, Sera xxx 🖤 🖤 🖤 🖤