Group Therapy

52 - Happy New Year Baby.

"The shortness of breath, you explain the infinite; how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist."

Saturn ~ Sleeping At Last

° ° ° °

I silently freak out inside.

I was ready to hear that something terrible had happened for him to break down like that but this, l wasn't ready for this.

"l never meant to kill him, but l did..." his voice grows lower at the last part

"Hey... He was hurting your sister and you stopped him, the consequences that followed weren't your responsibility. You couldn't stop him on your own so you did the only thing you could think of, you're not to blame for anything that followed." l explain, hoping he'd believe me.

"He was my father, l killed my own father. There's no one else to blame for it, l had the knife and his blood was on my hands." he snarls

"No, no. Hey ryder look at me, look at me" he turns his head and faces me "You saved your sister, Raleigh. You saved her. She might not be here right now if it weren't for you. The person that died that night wasn't your dad. It's a tough pill to swallow but your dad had already died when he started drinking, the person that died that night was a stranger living in your house."

He turns away and leans his head back against the hard concrete wall

"I'm a horrible person laynie, l don't want to hurt you any further."

"No no ryder you're not. You may be cold and hard sometimes but you're only a child at heart, you described your dad hurting your sister with the phrase 'not being nice to her'. That's your proof. You're a good person at heart." l say

He lightly shakes his head "l hate myself for everything, I'm sorry for hurting you and my mom and my father and Raleigh. I'm so fucking sorry."

"You never hurt any of us. Your mom and dad didn't deserve you and Raleigh, don't worry about me. I'm okay."

"No. Raleigh hates me now and my parents are dead and you probably hate me too."

"what are you talking about? You saved Raleigh. Why would you think she hates you?"

He chuckles dryly "l agreed to join The Viceroys under one condition, that my uncle would send Raleigh away from all the chaos to give her a fresh start to a normal life. He sent her to Switzerland in one of the best schools there. I tried to talk to her before he took her away but she was too afraid of me. I never got to say goodbye to her."

"Oh my god ryder... I'm so sorry... Do you know where she lives now?" l ask, an idea popping up in my head.

"With a babysitter in Rolle, Switzerland. Why?" he sniffs

"You have to go there and try to talk to her again. You have her babysitter's number right?"

"yes."

"why didn't you try to contact her earlier then?"

"No. I don't know, she doesn't want to see me, l can't force her to." he shakes his head

"Ryder you're her only family left, of course she wants to see you. Listen l know what's going on here, girls do that sometimes. They tell you they don't want to see you or they ignore you when in reality they want you more than anything else. Go to her, she needs you more than anything ryder you're her older brother."

"No bu-"

"No buts! You're going."

"laynie l don't know if l can... See her again... After what l did."