Broken Vows

Chapter 15

Athena

It's a day before the wedding. Everything has been organised and prepared due to Julia claiming herself as the wedding planner. 

Venue. Decorations. Cake. Everything she has organised. 

Saying she wants nothing but the best for her son and her future daughter in law.

These nerves are going to eat me alive. This anxiety that is building up inside. 

I don't know what to expect. 

No one can save me. Mama used to. 

But no one is here anymore. 

No one can see or feel this pain that swallows me whole every single day and night after her death. 

I hide it with fake smiles and blurry eyes full of tears but no one notices not even Papa. 

I've just learnt to hide inside myself. 

I learned how to stop crying.  

I learned how to be somebody else, somebody that I'm not. 

Most importantly...I learned how to be cold and numb... No one will know the difference.

No one knows me well enough to. It will stay like this forever. 

I have no soulmate I have accepted that.

I will be forever numb till the day I am nothing but a gravestone.

Aodhan

I enter Athena's room to find her on the laptop her eyes glazed deep in thought about something.

Tomorrow is the wedding. Tomorrow I will be walking her down the aisle. 

"Hey honey!" I say while looking at her. She looks up at me smiling. 

"Hey Dad!" I know how hard this must be for her without her Mother by her side.

But she is strong and is getting through it and I couldn't be more proud of her. 

She will have a piece of her mother with her though. 

In the form of words on a hand-written letter. 

Rosa even when alive wrote a few important letters for important dates to give to Athena. Her wedding day being an important one among others like becoming a parent etc....

"I know getting married without your Mother is difficult Athena but she didn't leave you completely alone." I tell her. 

Her eyebrows furrow and she questions, "What do you mean by that Papa?" 

Her confusion makes me laugh. 

I say nothing but hand her the letter before leaving the room knowing she is going to need privacy for reading it.

Athena

Papa hands me a letter and leaves without another word. I look at the white envelope in my hands and I recognise my Mama's familiar cursive handwriting. 

I'm scared to open it. I'm scared of reading the same thing I read during her will.

I'm scared of losing myself to the words that she could've spoken. 

I'm scared of wanting to end my life to join her.

The thought too strong and frightening for me to actually do. During showers I see the blades and want to end my life but then I think about Mama.