Chapter 4

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I woke up before anyone in the house did, and took a quick shower before I went on a run. I needed to clear my head of all the bad. The bad is the part that my feelings for Charles and Ben are all messed up. I know for sure that I like Ben, but I just don't know if I'm really in love with him! And when it comes to Charles, I feel like my feelings for him are coming back but I don't know if going back down that road would be the best thing for me.
Running was the one way I could just think and forget about my problems for a little bit. The running made everything good.

I made my way back to Charles's house, and as I was walking up the stairs, I see Charles walking out of his room, shirtless. Damn, why does he have to be so good looking? "Good morning!" I was snapped out of my thoughts as I heard his voice. "Morning.." I say back awkwardly as I go to my room and take a shower.

Why do I feel like this? Why do I get this feeling when I'm around Charles but not when I'm around Ben? I just need to stop thinking about Charles and focus on my relationship, with Ben.

When I get out of the shower, I was surprised to see Noah in my bed, sleeping. When did he get in here? I smiled and walked up to him to kiss his forehead. I pull the covers up some more on him and rub his back. I miss seeing Noah every day, I can't believe that he's already three years old. Geez kids grow up fast.
As I was finishing getting ready, I hear a knock at my door, so I open it and see Charles standing there with his clothes on now. He's wearing blue jeans with a white shirt.
"Hey. What's up?"
"Have you seen Noah? He's not in his bedroom." I nodded and opened the door wider so that he can see Noah in my bed.

"I'm guessing he does this a lot?"
"Yeah he does. When he's scared, or just can't sleep, he'll crawl into someone's bed. Hey, have you thought about what we talked about?" Yeah, I did, but how do I tell him that I'm not sure because I don't know how him and Ben will get along? I can't, so I just shake my head no.

"No, I haven't. I just haven't decided yet......... I mean I want to see Noah every day but you and Ben don't usually get along well. So......" He looks at me like I just said the dumbest thing ever. "So you're saying that you don't want to see Noah, just because I don't get along with your boyfriend?" I sighed and shook my head. I knew he wouldn't understand.
"No Charles, I love Noah, he's my son, and I'll do anything to see him everyday but-"
He cuts me off by raising his hand. "It sure doesn't seem like it." What?
"What does that mean?"
"You tell me."
"You know what Charles, your obviously not listening to me so all I'll say now is that I'll tell you my answer when I'm ready!" I step back into my room, and slam the door. It was time for me to go, now. I didn't want to be here anymore.

I walk over to where Noah is sleeping and run my hand through his hair. He looks so sweet and innocent with his thumb in his mouth. I used to do that as well. I had tears in my eyes now, but I didn't know why for real. "I love you so much, Noah......." I wiped my tears and grabbed my bag.

As I was making my way downstairs I saw Josie.
"Hey. How's Noah?"
"Oh he's fine, still asleep so yea, I'm just finna head out and see if my car is working today..." She nods her head in understanding and hugs me. She whispers something in my ear before she lets go. "He loves you, you know." I instantly knew who she meant by 'he'. "If he does, he has a weird way of showing it, besides, I'm with Ben now." I saying trying to convince myself and her, I failed at it.

"Yeah but no matter what he does, it doesn't change the fact that my brother still wants you."
"Yea well........ it's a little too late for that now. He can go find someone else to want." She smiles and shakes her head before giving me her car keys. "Here, just take my car. I don't want your car breaking down halfway if you do get it started. Plus it's super fast so you'll get home in no time."
"Thanks but how will I bring it back?" She smiles. "Keep it, a pregnant woman can't be driving fast cars anyway."
"Wait What? You're pregnant?" I asked shocked. She nods and I hugged her tightly. "I'm so happy for you, Josie. How far long are you?"
"I don't know yet. I just did the test. Mason is coming here as we speak so we can talk about it, it's too bad you won't be able to meet him." "Yea well, I'll see him some other time. It's just crazy that your having a baby! Noah is getting a baby cousin!" I say excitedly. We laugh and I hug her one last time before grabbing the keys and heading for the door.

"Bye Josie."
"Bye love, say hi to Ben for me will you?"
"Will do."
I say before walking out. I look at my old car for a good minute before finding Josie's and getting in. As I was driving, I felt like turning around just to see Noah again but I knew I couldn't. My time here was done.

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