Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 51

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The foils touched then quickly sprang away again, singing. Baines nodded approvingly at his opponent, who half smiled.

"Very good, sir," said the fencing master. "You have improved much these last few months."

"I thank you for the compliment," replied Darcy. "I have had much to think about."

"It has done you good, there is less anger in you."

"I'm glad to hear it."

Darcy left the fencing masters soon after, but was in no hurry to go home. Home at the moment was empty and cold. So he decided to walk to his house instead. It was not far, and the day was fine.

He wondered how Bingley was going with his courtship of Jane. Had he been successful? He sincerely hoped so - his friend deserved some happiness after all that had happened.

But if, whenBingley became engaged to Jane, then Darcy would see more of Elizabeth. He did not mind that, but it would hurt, to see her. Not that he was going to start avoiding her, of course not, but still . . .

He realised that he was being, quite frankly, a coward. He ran away from those who had, or could cause hurt. First he had left Netherfield immediately after confessing to Bingley, afraid of Bingley's reaction.

And leaving Hertfordshire meant leaving Elizabeth, afraid of what would happen. He loved her, so much it sometimes frightened him, but he couldn't forget that where the heart was, there the most danger lay.

An emotional wound was deeper and more painful than any wound to the flesh.

They were also much harder to heal.

Could he bear it if she broke his heart again?_______________________________________________________________

There were two letters waiting from at home, one forwarded from Netherfield. Darcy sat down at his desk and opened the first. It was from Georgiana, written nearly a week ago.

My dear brother,

I write to you in good spirits, and I hope this letter finds you and Mr. Bingley the same. It is very peaceful here though sometimes I long for something of interest to occur to relieve the monotony. But such thoughts are rare - Mrs. Annesley is a patient and good teacher and companion and I have everything I wish for save your company.

Miss Bingley and Mr. and Mrs. Hurst left some days ago for Scarborough. I was quite surprised during the days between your departure and theirs. Miss Bingley had been unusually quiet and thoughtful. We talked much and I confess I like Miss Bingley very much now. When she was overly attentive to you or spiteful I almost disliked her but at the present, oh, you would not believe she is the same person. I sincerely hope she finds happiness in marriage - I understand she has let go of you.

Cousin Richard has also written to us. He says he is on leave again, this time for several weeks, and is in London at present. I have told him that you have gone to Hertfordshire with Mr. Bingley - I have yet to receive a reply since then, though I believe you also shall be receiving a letter from him in the near future.

I almost fear to ask but I shall, otherwise I will die of curiosity - have you met Miss Bennet again? I confess I shall be, as Aunt Catherine so eloquently says, 'most exceedingly displeased' if you have not. Please convey my regards to her when you see her - I will never tire of saying just how much I like her.

Yours, Georgiana.

Darcy reread the letter several times going through a series of emotions. He was happy that Georgiana was well, though as he read the first paragraph he realised that his sister was restless and would soon need to 'come out' into society.

Miss Bingley's turnabout was somewhat of a surprise and relief. He had not intended to hurt Miss Bingley but neither did he want to have the lady behaving as she did to him. Perhaps this change was for the better, and Miss Bingley would be a more agreeable person.

When he was informed that Colonel Fitzwilliam was in London, he was apprehensive. He was not sure if he wished to see his cousin, knowing what he knew about Elizabeth, but he longed for the Colonel's company. He was someone to talk to, someone to make him see things clearly.

I will cross that hurdle when I come to it.

As for the last paragraph - well. Yes, he had met Elizabeth, but had taken little joy in the occasion. Darcy was at the moment in no hurry to rush back to Hertforshire after two days, however much he wanted to.

He reached for the second letter and stopped as he saw the seal on it - Lord Fitzwilliam the Earl of Matlock.

Darcy took a deep breath and opened it. It had been written that very morning.

Dear cousin,

This letter had better find you well, or I shall be, as Aunt Catherine says, 'most exceedingly displeased.' If this is not true, I shall come right over following this letter and demand that you cheer up. But circumstances being as they are, I demand to know what you are doing in London instead of Hertfordshire in Miss Bennet's company.

At present, I am staying at my parent's townhouse, quite alone. Today I have some business to finish, but I am at liberty tomorrow. Perhaps I shall come and visit you? I am longing to know what happened at Pemberley - Georgiana wrote to me and said that your Miss Bennet had been there the same time as you.

Mr. and Mrs. Wickham have settled in quite comfortable in Newcastle, so the General  tells me. I confess I read every missive from him with a sense of foreboding, wondering if the scoundrel caused any trouble. And that is another thing I wish to know - what caused you to give the man such a sum of money and send him North?

We have much to talk about cousin, and not the least is how you are faring.

Yours, etc.

The opening of the letter brought a smile to Darcy's face. No doubt his cousin was still worried about his emotional state.

Little does he know.

The letter had removed any of his reluctance to see Colonel Fitzwilliam. He quickly wrote a reply, inviting Fitzwilliam to stay at his house for the duration. If they had much to speak of, it was unnecessary that they should stay in separate houses. Darcy asked a servant to take the letter and leaned back in his chair.

It will be good to see Fitzwilliam again, he told himself. There is no need for any kind of confrontation . . . .

However much he told himself this, it did not dispel his jealousy.