Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 19

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Darcy awoke, no closer to sorting out his tangled thoughts this morning than he was last night. He decided to go for a morning ride along his favourite walk. Perhaps the fresh air would assist his thinking.

This walk was along the open grove which edged that side of the park, where there was a nice sheltered path, which no one seemed to value but himself, and where he felt beyond the reach of people's scrutiny.

He rode along, deep in thought. Elizabeth's staying so close to Rosings was a shock. Whether it was pleasant or pain it was undecided, though he was inclined to think the former.

But her presence was not likely to help him keep his control - whenever he was near her it took all his self-control not to do anything rash.

Suddenly, as he rode past the trees, he saw her.

Elizabeth was dressed in a white muslin gown, the upper part covered by a curry-coloured coat. Her eyes looked out at him in surprise from under her dark hair and bonnet.

She was so breathtakingly lovely, her form framed by the greenery of the trees. He reined in his horse and looked at her.

The lady paused in her walk and clasped her hands in front of her. She did not speak.

Perhaps that was best, for Darcy was unable to say a word. A dry, sensible part of his mind suggested that he leave before he said something he would regret later on, so he kicked his horse back into action and slowly, regretfully rode away.

The moment he was clear of the trees he went into a gallop, and proceeded quickly back to the house.

Just as he arrived, he observed Colonel Fitzwilliam about to leave.

"Where are you going, cousin?" asked he.

"Oh, I am to go to the Parsonage again. I intended to go earlier, but Miss Bennet said that she often took a walk by herself in Rosings Park, so I informed her that I would come to visit later."

Darcy resisted an impulse to physically hold the Colonel back to prevent him from going. Seeing them so at ease in each other's company was not agreeable with him.

But why? thought his mind. She has no obligation to you, that she speak with no other gentleman apart from yourself.

Seeing no reply from his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam left the house, whistling a jolly tune.

This development meant that Darcy had to spend most of the day with his aunt and cousin.

"And so, my dear Anne told her that it was not proper for a lady to go to the shops by herself. A lady, I always say, must be accompanied at all times by an older woman, or a male acquaintance," said Lady Catherine.

No one answered this tale. They had sat there for nearly two hours after lunch holding a conversation. But as Darcy was not inclined to speak, nor was his cousin, then Lady Catherine took the task upon herself. Colonel Fitzwilliam had not yet returned, and Darcy was telling himself not to go after his cousin and tell him to come home.

Footsteps were heard in the hall and Darcy got up to intercept his cousin before Lady Catherine did.

"Well, Darcy, how do you do? What were you and our aunt speaking of that made you so eager to come and see me?"

"Too many to count. Shall we excuse ourselves and go to the study?"

Fitzwilliam agreed and they breifly returned to the drawing room to excuse themselves. They entered the rarely used study, and the Colonel sat in the chair while Darcy preferred to stand near the mantle.

"So what did you do at the Parsonage?" asked Darcy, hiding his curiosity.

"Much of my time was spent conversing with Miss Bennet. I enjoyed myself profusely."

"And what did you speak of?"

"Many things; her family, music, various books, even politics at times. She is a very interesting young lady."

"Oh? Is that all?" pressed he. Darcy wanted to know if their conversations were at all similar to the ones he and Elizabeth had held together.

"Well, at I must confess, you were a lengthy topic of conversation that she introduced."

Darcy turned to face his cousin.

"She wished to talk about me?" he asked incredulously.

"Why yes. You were very interesting," said the Colonel, laughing. "And I intend to go there again tomorrow and continue 'our conversation'."

What? Again?

"Cousin, I feel that it would be unwise for you to form an attachment to Miss Bennet," said he.

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Her position in society - she will not inherit her father's estate, not does she have any fortune."

"Is that all?" laughed Fitzwilliam. "I already knew all that - and no I have no 'plans' - younger sons cannot marry where they like, remember?"

Darcy nodded.

"So it was only with a practical view that you have cautioned me?" He laughed again, getting up from his seat and opening the door. "If it was not that, I would have thought you were jealous, Darcy."

He left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Darcy standing stiffly at the window. The last comment by Fitzwilliam repeated itself over and over again.

"I would have thought you were jealous, Darcy."

Jealousy! That was what he felt against his cousin. It was frightening - it nearly went deep enough or Darcy to wish harm to his relation.

But if jealousy is what I feel for Fitzwilliam because he has Elizabeth's attentions, then what do I feel for her? ran his thoughts.

His heart knew the answer. It had known the answer for many months now, though his mind had never acknowledged it.

He loved her.

The moment he realised that, a feeling of peace settled over him. After such a long time, he finally admitted it to himself. He sighed, seeing her as she had appeared to him that morning.

Then his mind took precedence again and curtly asked him,

You are in love. So now, what do you plan to do about it?

Darcy did not know.