Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 32

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Darcy and Georgiana rose early to see their cousin off for his regiment in the North. The others were still deep in slumber.

"I am sorry that I shall not be present to celebrate your sixteenth birthday, Georgiana," said he as they stood on the steps. "Take care of your brother."

"I will. I still wish that you could stay longer," said she.

"I have stayed too long already," replied he. "Darcy, I do not want to hear from Georgiana that you are going to jump into the Thames or such."

"No fear of that. I am quite over it now."

Colonel Fitzwilliam looked at Darcy with a knowing look.

"You say that, but I don't believe it. No one can get over love in a single night." He took the reins from the grrom and mounted his horse. "Perhaps a change of scenery is called for, Darcy. Maybe you should go to Pemberley - I remember it is quite beautiful in the summer."

"That is an idea. I think we shall take heed of it and go to Pemberley in a few weeks."

"A few weeks? As soon as possible!" Fitzwilliam gave a mock-scowl and laughed. "Au revior until we meet again."

Colonel Fitzwilliam rode at a trot down the road. Darcy and Georgiana watched him leave until his figure was swallowed by the morning crowd.

Darcy missed his cousin keenly. There was no one to help him laugh at himself or counsel him through times of need. Yes, his days were no longer dark, filled with long hours in which Darcy brooded in the library doubting himself, but he knew that he could never go back to being the man he was before Kent.

The memory of that dream still filled him. But that was all it was - a dream. And that dream did nothing to help him in his determination to stop loving Elizabeth Bennet.

His cousin's suggestion of going to Pemberley that summer was a wonderful idea. Maybe he could invite Bingley and his sisters to accompany him. Darcy enjoyed his friend's company, even if he did have a rather determined sister.

He informed them of his plan at lunch.

"Summer is approaching and Pemberley is a wonderful place to spend the warm months," said Darcy. "I intend to go there soon. Would you do me the honour of staying at my estate, Bingley?"

"Go to Pemberley? I would be absolutely delighted to join you, Darcy," said Bingley.

"So it is confirmed that we shall be going?" asked Georgiana. "That is wonderful!"

"A summer at Pemberley. Perfect," mused Miss Bingley, lost in her own thoughts.

Darcy smiled. He couldn't wait to leave London and travel to the refreshing landscapes and wonders of his home.

Not to mention that Pemberley would help him overcome the feelings he stil harbored for Elizabeth.

Plans were made to leave in a week. As Georgiana's birthday would be the day they arrived at Pemberley, Darcy was determined that a birthday present would be awaiting his sister.

The pianoforte he had had his eye on lately was secretly bought and arrangements made for it to be sent up before them. He gave instructions to Mrs Reynolds for it to be placed in the sitting room.

Gerogiana was impatient to be home. She spoke fondly of Pemberley for she loved it as well as he. Darcy noticed that she expressed her liking of one of the sitting rooms that held a wonderful view of the grounds at sunset, but regretted that the interiors were not so pleasing on the eye as other rooms in the mansion. Hearing this, another letter was sent to Mrs Reynolds asking her to renovate the room in Georgiana's favourite colours of pale blue and white. As another gift for Georgiana on her birthday, Darcy hired a painter to paint her portrait, also to be sent early to Pemberley to greet Georgiana.

Darcy was determined to make up for his abominable behaviour and indulged in his sister in every way. He had no wife to buy presents for to show how much he loved her. That was the main reason for Darcy's continous activity during their last week in London. He was trying, unsuccessfully, to forget Elizabeth. This was quite easily done when his mind was occupied, but one cannot work forever. It was at such times when Georgiana forced him to rest, but more especially at night before he fell asleep, that banishing Elizabeth from his thoughts was like trying to pick a lock with a wet herring. He would tell himself, before sleep took him, that he did not love Elizabeth but he would dream of her; how her eyes sparkled when she laughed how beautiful she looked when they met in the garden at Netherfield. Sometimes the dreams were repetitions of the one where they had kissed.

Darcy would wake up, torn between his determination to forget her and the pleasure felt whenever he did dream of her . . .

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Darcy sat in his study, working his way through the pile of letters. He came to the last, and saw that it had the seal of Pemberley on it. Any business from his estate always recieved his immediate attention, no matter how small.

It was from his steward, Mr Cage. It told him that one of the farmers had been lax in his care of the fences that enclosed his land which was right beside the grounds of Pemberley. Unfortunately, that area of land was for the grazing of cows. One of the cows had broken through the fence and had not been caught until it had done soome minor damage. Mr Cage required his master's immediate decision on how much the farmer was to be fined.

'This farmer possesses a rather stubborn nature, and refuses to acknowledge the authority you invested in me. He insists on hearing from the master and no one else. Would you be so kind, sir, as to come to Pemberley earlier than you had originally planned?

Yours, etc.'

Darcy put down the letter. He had a great deal of concern in the welfare of his tenants and servants, and though the change in plans would be a bit of a bother, it would not be too much trouble. He would simply leave a day earlier than the rest of the party.

As the day of his departure grew closer, Darcy found to his alarm that work and activity no longer helped.

He was at the fencing gallery, the day before they were to leave London. Darcy challenged Baines to a match. His expertise with the blade had been growing and he wished to test his ability against the fencing master. The challenge was accepted.

Almost as soon as they had begun, it was clear who the winner would be. Darcy pushed Baines back almost to the wall. Finally, Baines conceeded defeat.

"Aye, acknowledged, very good sir," complimented Baines. Darcy moved away, very pleased with himself. He heard the whip of the blade behind him as the master saluted, and leaned against the pillar.

"Enough, sir?"

"Enough, thank you, Baines."

"Will you be back tomorrow, sir?"

"Not tomorrow, I have buisiness in the North - I will be back tomorrow week."

"Very good sir. Bid you good day sir," said Baines, leaving to attend to another of the young men.

Darcy sighed, tired out. Tommorrow, he was going home. Back to Pemberley - it was the dearest place in the world to him, but it was also where more duties awaited him.

I wish that Elizabeth would also be there to welcome me home . . .

Damn it! There I go again!

"I shall conquer this - I shall!" muttered Darcy to himself before leaving to change and to go back to his townhouse.

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He left the next morning, riding slowly through the London streets. He knew that Georgiana was worried that, alone, he might fling himself into depression again. She was only partially right.

There was no meaning to his life anymore. All he had now was his duties and responsibilities. Friends and family for certain, but he had hoped that love would be part of his life too.

Fate it seems, has deemed otherwise.

He reached the outskirts of the city. He turned the horse's head to the North and dug his heels into the animal's flank, inducing it into a gallop.

It would be good to be home again.

God, it's hot today.