Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 48

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On Tuesday, Darcy and Bingley, to their credit of their punctuality as sportsmen, arrived in very good time. There was a rather large party assembled at Longbourn, including Mrs. Long and the Gouldings. After the usual ceremonious salutation attending the gentlemen's entrance, the entire party repaired to the dining room.

Darcy watched his friend carefully, to see if Bingley would take tha place, which, in all the former parties, had belonged to him, by Jane Bennet. On entering the room, Bingley seemed to hesitate; but then Jane happened to look around, and happened to smile: it was decided. He placed himself by her.

Darcy bore it with a mask of noble indifference that hid his happiness for his friend. When Bingley turned his eyes towards Darcy with an expression of half-laughing alarm, Darcy allowed some of his delight to reveal itself, letting Bingley know that he whole-heartedly approved of his action.

Bingley's behaviour to Jane was such, during the dinner-time, as showed that his admiration of her had indeed not faded, but rather deepened. Though perhaps more guarded than formerly, it persuaded Darcy, that if left to himself, his happiness and Jane's own, would be speedily secured. Darcy had found the ample proof he had sought; that Jane loved his friend and was even now responding to her lover's attentions.

This, however, was all the animation his spirits could boast, for he was in no cheerful humour. Elizabeth was almost as far from him as the table could divide them. He was seated beside Mrs. Bennet.

Darcy had very little desire to speak to the woman, and she quite obviously returned the sentiment. They hardly spoke, and when they did, what little was said was overly formal and cold. He had tried once to break the ice between them, by remarking that the partridges were remarkably well done, but her curt reply discouraged any further attempts at conversation.

Perhaps the only advantage of his seating arrangement, was that he commanded a virtually unobstructed view of Elizabeth. He looked at her often, noticing that she seemed slightly disappointed about something. But as there were thirteen pairs of eyes, not including him, able to watch his activity, he could not look at the object of his love for long.

Seeing her, he could not stop the pang of jealousy and pain that pierced his heart, knowing that he loved her so utterly, but her heart belonged to his cousin of all people. Much as he would have wanted to, he could not hate Richard Fitzwilliam or Elizabeth.

All he could do was bow his head and accept it.

After the dinner had finished, the gentlemen; Mr. Bennet, Mr. Goulding, Bingley and Darcy retired to the library. While Bingley and Mr. oulding talked much about the events in Hertfordshire during Bingely's absence, Mr. Bennet adding his own observations and comments now and then, Darcy remained for the most part, silent. He responded to any questions and such that were directed towards him, but he did not initiate any conversation.

Darcy then realised, that sonce his and Bingley's arrival in Hertfordshire, he had rarely spoken to Elizabeth. Hardly surprising, considering his current emotional state. But just because they could not be man and wife, did that mean tat they could not be friends? It was difficult that they could not be easy in each other's company - perhaps he should try to change that?

Perhaps. He would try talking to her when they rejoined the ladies in the drawing room.

Soon, the gentlemen did leave the library and proceed to the drawing room where the women sat talking. Bingley immediately sought out Jane, while Darcy took a deep breath and headed towards Elizabeth.

Unfortunately, the ladies crowded around the table where Mrs. Bennet was serving tea, and Elizabeth pouring out coffee, in such close confederacy, that there was not a single vacancy near her, which would admit of a chair. His resolution faltering, Darcy hesitated, for on his approaching, one of the girls moved closer to Elizabeth than ever and whispered to her. Quickly, he walked away to another part of the room.

To cover his discomfort, he took a cup of coffee and spoke to a few people in the room, sometimes Bingley, once to Jane and now and then to William Goulding, but the lady whose conversation he longed for most, he could not speak to.

Enraged at himself for being so silly, he said to himself,

A man who has been once refused! How could I ever be so foolish, enough to expect her to love me? Is there not one among the sex who would alter her frame of mind after so determinedly declaring her feelings outright?

But however mush he lectured himself in this manner, he still could not resist bringing back his coffee cup to Elizabeth. He was very surprised when she said to him,

"Is your sister at Pemberley still?"

"Yes, she will remain there till Christmas," replied he.

"And quite alone? Have all her friends left her?" pressed Elizabeth.

"Mrs. Annesley is with her. The others have been gone on to Scarborough, these three weeks."

Elizabeth did not reply. Happy that Elizabeth had asked after Georgiana, unhappy that Elizabeth did not continue the conversation, Darcy stood by her, for some minutes, in silence; and, at last, on the young lady's whispering to her again, he walked away.

When the tea things were removed, and the card tables placed, all the ladies rose. Thinking of joining Elizabeth, Darcy began to make his way towards her but was suddenly stopped my Mrs. Bennet. Her rapacity for whist players soon caused him to be seated with the rest of the party. He now lost every expectation of pleasure, not that he had expected much of it in the first place. Longingly, he kept looking towards the side of the room where Elizabeth sat. His wandering eyes and attention caused him to play most unsuccessfully.

The evening ended soon after. Their carriage being ordered before any of the others, Darcy and Bingley took their leave. Darcy's disappointment of the evening was slightly alleviated by his observations of Bingley's farewell to Jane. Distanced from the rest of the group, they were in earnest conversation, until Bingley finally realised that the time of his departure had arrived.

With many hearty goodbyes and much pressing on Mrs. Bennet's part to come again, the two gentlemen left.

Bingley was characteristically jovial, taking the burden of conversation away from his taciturn friend. Darcy was grateful for this, troubled as he was trying to think of the best way to tell Bingley that his oldest friend had plotted against his happiness. He wondered how Bingley would react.

To give his friend the privacy to court Jane - and to allow both of them time away from each other after his confession, Darcy decided to go to London.

"I shall be leaving tomorrow," he said aloud.

Bingley stopped in his speech and stared at Darcy. "Why for? Where to?"

"It shan't be for long, no more than ten days," Darcy reassured him. "I merely need to go to London, on a matter of business."

"Business?" queried Bingley. "I do not recall a letter arriving for you here. May I inquire as to what business?"

"It is nothing of much consequence, just some things I need to do."

Bingley was hardly satisfied with this, but as Darcy ventured to speak no more, he had to be content.

The reason for Darcy's silence was quite frankly, fear. Fear that Bingley's normal good nature might not be enough to forgive Darcy for his deceit, and fear that this episode might herald that their friendship would no longer be as close as it once was - or even the end.