Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 45

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The two friends arose early, eager to begin the day's activities, but before they had even finished their breakfast, Sir William Lucas arrived to give his greetings.

"Ah, Mr. Bingley, welcome back to Hertfodshire. I hope you have been well?" asked he.

Bingley looked pleased to see Sir William, but also disappointed, as if he had been expecting someone else.

"Very well, sir, and yourself?"

The exchange of pleasantries continued for a few moments. Darcy stood off to one side, unsure of what to do. He knew that everyone in Meryton still viewed him as proud and disagreeable; and now he had to do his best to change all that.

"Sir William, may I inquire after your daughter, Mrs. Collins?" he asked finally, thinking it a safe topic of conversation.

The man looked astonished at being addressed by him. He puffed a little, then said, "She is very well. I believe you saw her when you were visiting your aunt, the illustrious Lady Catherine de Bourgh in Easter. I am sorry that I missed your visit, but may I say sir, that your aunt is all affability and generosity. I believe that Charlotte has done very well. Lady Catherine has treated her and Mr. Collins exceedingly well."

Darcy hid a grimace. His aunt enjoyed domineering over others and interfering in business that had nothing to do with her. He pitied Charlotte, yet was grateful that it was she who bore the name Mrs. Collins instead of Elizabeth.

"Mrs. Collins is a very good woman. She seems very happy with her situation," he said instead.

Darcy watched Sir William's face. The man looked quite astonished, and was nearly openly staring at Darcy as if he had never seen him before. Darcy had never initiated a conversation between them before of his own will, and Sir William was unsure of what to make of him. Darcy shook his head slightly at what everyone must have thought of him last autumn.

"Ah, yes. Thank you sir," said Sir William. He turned back to Bingley. "I wonder, Mr. Bingley, if you and Mr. Darcy would do myself and Lady Lucas the honour of dining at Lucas Lodge this evening?"

Bingley turned to his friend. "I certainly would enjoy it. What say you, Darcy?"

Darcy thought for a moment. Preferably he would remain at home, but he had to do his best to show everyone that he was different from last year. What better way than to dine at Lucas Lodge the home of the most eminent family in the neighborhood?

"I would be happy to join you."

Sir William looked flustered. "Well, then, sirs, I look forward to your company this evening. Perhaps you would tell us of your winter in London. I dearly would have liked to stay there myself and take my family St. James court. Did you go there yourself?"

Bingley politely answered in the negative. Darcy, with the greatest patience, bore up with the man's overbearing manners.

The visit did not last much longer. With many prolonged farewells by Sir William and hopes for the evening, Darcy and Bingley were finally able to go about the day's activities.They left the house, hoping for a few hours, to forget the thoughts that had kept them both awake. But none of their them seemed to be on sport, and though the expedition was not an entire failure, the amount of game killed was less than usual.

Darcy tried to think of the best way to confess to Bingley. It would be painful for both of them. What Bingley would do when he knew of his oldest friend's deceit, Darcy could not help but wonder - and fear.

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Sir William Lucas, Lady Lucas, Maria Lucas and the younger children greeted their guests cordially, but it was painfully obvious they were much more at ease with Bingley than Darcy. Only Sir William spoke to him; after the initial pleasantries, Lady Lucas hardly said a word to him, the younger children had much more interest in talking to each other and Maria was too frightened of him.

He began to realise just how his behaviour had alienated others - not just Elizabeth. Other people, who may not mean much to him, but who were still people.

After the meal, he decided to talk to Maria.

"I hope you enjoyed visiting your sister in April?" he asked her. Bingley was talking to Sir William and Lady Luas on the other side of the room; the younger children had left to prepare for bed.

Maria jumped a little. She looked towards her parents as if searching for help, then replied, "Yes I did. Papa says she has done very well, and I agree. But la, I was quite frightened of Lady Catherine. She is very kind to Charlotte, but very, very grand. Did you know," she continued, her face lighting up. "Charlotte writes that I am to become an aunt in a few months!" It seemed that when given the chance to speak, her apprehension was disappearing.

The girl's delight was evident. To this information, Darcy made no reply. He did not dwell on it but merely nodded.

Maria continued. "I enjoyed meeting Colonel Fitzwilliam. He was very pleasant gentleman. Was he well when you last saw him?"

Darcy answered in the affirmative. His cousin had been of great support to him after their visit in Kent. He had not seen him since Colonel Fitzwilliam left for the North, but knowing his cousin's temperament, he was sure he was well.

"Charlotte and I teased Elizabeth about him," said she smiling. "He was very attentive to her. I had hoped that Elizabeth would receive a marriage proposal while we were at Hunsford, but it all came to nothing. Still, I do hope the Colonel will see her again. Lizzy liked him very much. She was quite out of sorts when you both left."

Darcy froze. Maria recalled to him all-to-vividly how his cousin and Elizabeth enjoyed each other's company. He knew that Richard Fitzwilliam admired Elizabeth very much, and she, him.

Perhaps Elizabeth felt more than he thought for his cousin?

He told himself no. He had observed her behaviour while he visited Hunsford in April, and had come to the conclusion that Elizabeth did not love his cousin.

But what if he had been mistaken? Maria knew Elizabeth better than he did, and at the time, Darcy had been blinded by his pride. What if he had persuaded himself to see only what he wanted to see?

When he was compared to his cousin, he was found badly lacking. Colonel Fitzwilliam's easy manners, humour and amiability were much better qualities than Darcy had.

The longer Maria talked to him, the more Darcy convinced himself that his cousin was better for Elizabeth. Colonel Fitzwilliam, though not as well off as he was, certainly had enough to support himself and a wife. If one was to forget fortune, Darcy could see no reason why Elizabeth would not want his cousin.

Darcy remembered very well what jealousy he had experienced whenever he had observed Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth talking, laughing, both enjoying each other's company.

Fitzwilliam had told him that he had no intention of marrying Elizabeth. But should be become of her feelings, would that change?

"What a pity that the militia have left! Their company was greatly welcome; though would you believe, when Lydia went away, it was said that Mr. Wickham was a very bad man indeed. I can't see why people would say that - I liked him very much. Lydia is so very lucky!"

Darcy closed his eyes. He wondered how Elizabeth had fared when Mr. and Mrs. Wickham had come to visit.

By now, Bingley began to draw the visit to a close. Darcy thankfully joined in the farewells, eager to get away from Maria's conversation that was causing him so much pain and doubt.