Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 49

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The next morning, Darcy rose early, and was soon dressed and waiting for Bingley downstairs. His carriage stood outside ready to leave at a moment's notice.

He did not have to wait long. Bingley soon appeared, happy and cheerful.

"Good morning," he said brightly. "So early? I can't imagine what is so urgent that you need to leave at first light."

Taking a deep breath, Darcy said, "May I have a word with you, Charles?"

Bingley stopped short at the use of his name. Only a matter of grave import would cause Darcy to call his friend such.

"On what subject, pray?"

Darcy did not look at his friend. "Do you remember, last November, when I spoke with you about Jane Bennet?"

"Yes, I do," Bingley looked distressed. "Surely you do not mean that you still think Jane indifferent?"

"No, no," reassured Darcy quickly. "As a matter of fact, I believe the opposite."

Bingley blushed slightly. "Ah, I am glad of that."

"And why?" asked Darcy with one raised eyebrow.

Bingley shyly looked at his boots. After some hesitancy, he said, "For I had intended upon giving her a proposal of marriage."

Darcy smiled genuinely. "That is wonderful news. You will do very well."

"So you believe her feelings for me have changed?" asked Bingley hopefully.

Darcy's smile disappeared. "They have not changed. They have remained constant all this while."

Bingley stopped, confused.

"Let me explain myself, Charles," continued Darcy. "I owe you the deepest of my apologies, for my proud behaviour and my consequent actions against both you and Jane Bennet."

"What have you done?"

"Last year, not only did I persuade you not to return to Hertfordshire or propose to Miss Bennet, believing her indifferent to you, I also conspired, with your sisters, to keep you separated from her."

"What?" exclaimed Bingley incredulously. Darcy winced.

"Out my own mistaken pride, I thought that the Bennet family were not good enough for you. My belief of Miss Bennet's indifference only strengthened my argument against your marriage. I now know that I have been mistaken. She was never indifferent to you. She loves you with all her heart, and I am happy for you." He paused, not looking at his friend. "I am truly sorry, for how I have hurt you."

"When did you find out that she loved me?" pressed Bingley.

Darcy stopped. Must he tell Bingley of his failed proposal in April? Bingley was earnestly looking at his friend for a reply. Darcy took a deep breath.

"I was actually informed of my error last April, when I saw Elizabeth Bennet. She was visiting Mrs. Collins the same time I was visiting Lady Catherine."

"You saw Elizabeth Bennet? Why did you not tell me?"

"Because I did not want to be reminded of it." He sighed and closed his eyes. "You will now know why I was so . . . difficult after my return. I had offered Elizabeth Bennet a proposal of marriage, which she refused. During the evening when I had seen her, she told me, in no uncertain terms, that she could never accept a man who had ruined, perhaps forever, the happiness of her beloved sister. It was then that I became aware of my error in judgement, but, caught up in my emotions at the time, the seriousness of my actions, of how I had hurt my oldest friend and the sister of the one I loved, did not hit me until some time after."

Though he had said this as unemotionally as possible, any casual observer could have easily seen how affected Darcy was. Bingley stared, stunned.

"At least this explains your strange behaviour. I never knew you felt that way about her," he said at last. "Then must you know how much I have suffered." He said this in a bitter-sweet tone of voice.

"Yes," replied Darcy.

Is he going to pardon me for my actions? Or does he pity me?

"My love is unrequited, Charles," continued Darcy as calmly as possible. "Yours is not. I know that I was wrong in my deception. Miss Bennet had been in London at the same time that we were. She had corresponded with your sisters and even visited the house once. Though I knew of this, at the time my abominable pride prevented me from telling you, acknowledging that I had been wrong in my assumptions of Miss Bennet's feelings."

Unable to bear it any longer, Darcy exited the house, Bingley following.

"You tell me now, that she was in London, all those months, and you concealed it from me?" demanded Bingley as he trailed behind Darcy down the steps.

"Yes. I can offer no justification. It was an arrogant presumption based on a failure to recognize your true feelings÷ and Miss Bennet's." They stood, facing each other beside the carriage. "I should never have interfered. It was very wrong of me, Bingley, and I apologise."

"You admit that you were in the wrong?" asked Bingley astonished.

"Utterly and completely."

"Then I have your blessing?"

It was Darcy's turn to be astonished. Hat Bingley would still turn to him for advice, after what he had confessed, was amazing.

Charles Bingley was such a good natured, warm-hearted man, and Darcy felt truly lucky to call him friend. That Bingley had forgiven him without reproach touched him deeply.

But still, Darcy felt that Bingley should learn to rely on his own judgement.

"Do you need my blessing?" responded Darcy.

Bingley smiled. "No. But I should like to know I have it all the same."

I give it to you anyway.

"Then go to it!"

With that, Darcy climbed into the carriage.

From inside, he looked at Bingley. His eyes were radiant, hopeful. But between them, was an unspoken, concerned question from Bingley, "What about you?"

Darcy smiled briefly at his friend, letting him know that he would be all right.

The carriage rolled down the driveway, out of Netherfield, and out of Herfordshire, on the way to London with its single, lonely occupant.