Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 44

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After this confrontation, Darcy was careful that he and Miss Bingley were never alone in each other's company. He avoided her as much as possible, without his behaviour being deemed impolite. Thankfully, Miss Bingley did the same.

Bingley was pleased at the prospect of returning to Netherfield, even more so when Darcy confirmed that he was accompanying him. Unfortunately, Bingley's sisters declined the offer to come also, as did his brother-in-law. They would instead go to Scarborough for three weeks. Georgiana also could not come; she would remain at Pemberley with Mrs. Annesley.

When Georgiana was informed of her brother's going to Hertfodshire, as soon as they were alone she said to him,

"Will you call on Miss Elizabeth Bennet?"

To which Darcy replied,

"I don't know."

Georgiana, although not at all satisfied with such an answer, did not press her brother any further.

Bingley and Darcy were to leave in about two weeks, arriving at Netherfield on Wednesday.

Darcy was more than slightly apprehensive about returning to Hertfodshire and more especially, to the company of a certain inhabitant of the area. He was sure that Bingley felt the same. It was inevitable that they would, sooner or later, come into the Bennet's company. What would happen at such a meeting was impossible to foresee.

A letter was sent to the housekeeper a few days before they left Pemberley, ordering that the house be prepared for the returning master and his friend.

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Darcy, as he and his friend rode slowly along the road in Hertfodshire, watched as the surrounding countryside grew more and more familiar and when at length they turned to head towards Netherfield, he began to ask himself just why he had come.

Neither of them spoke; it was a comfortable silence and they were unwilling to break it. Each was lost in their own thoughts, and very similar thoughts they were too.

Darcy was uncomfortable. What was his business in Hertfodshire? He had no reason at all to return. But he knew that he must see if Bingley could win Jane Bennet for his wife - and this time, Darcy would help him instead of plotting to sabotage their relationship.

He had not yet apologised to Bingley for his deception last winter, of hiding the knowledge of Jane's presence in London from his friend. He had to do it soon. Better for Darcy to tell him personally, before Bingley found out about his friend's deception in a less desirable way. Though the day was fine, he shivered when he thought as to how to confess his actions to Bingley.

Out of the corner of his eye, there was a flash of ochre. Immediately his thoughts turned to Elizabeth.

How changed he was since he had last come here. He was no longer the empty, proud young man that had thought Elizabeth just 'tolerable', but a man he hoped was amiable and kind, a gentleman who now took an interest in the world around him.

Not only that, a gentleman deeply in love.

Would it be better if I had never accepted Bingley's invitation to stay at Netherfield? he wondered. Never set foot in Hertfodshire, the assembly rooms of Meryton? I would never have had to bear such pain as I did during those months in London.

But then I never would have met Elizabeth, never known the truth of myself . . . never known what it was to feel love.

Having experienced love, unrequited though it may be, he was now more human rather than the cold marble statue he had sometimes been whenever he wore his mask of indifference and rejection that had nearly been second nature to him. Love had prevented him from becoming so accustomed to the mask that one day he never would have removed it.

Life had been so meaningless before I knew I was in love, and surely it is better to know what I can never have than to go through life knowing I lacked something but never knowing what it was.

But even though he had come to terms with never having Elizabeth's love, he still could not help but hope.

By this time, they had arrived at the gates of Netherfield.

"Here we are at last," sighed Bingley tiredly.

Darcy nodded. Netherfield; where the beginning of his change had begun.

The two men dismounted and gave the reins to the servants that had magically appeared. Their belongings had already arrived, and they entered the house to rest for the trials that awaited them.

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When Darcy went to bed that night, he had decided that either Netherfield was haunted, or he was going mad. Being of a practical nature, the idea of spirits living in the house was immediately dismissed, and because he thought he was going crazy, it ruled out the fact of him being out of his mind. Having rejected these hypotheses, the only theory that was left was that Elizabeth had become so much a part of his life that even when she was not present, she still affected him

In the garden, he remembered when he had come upon her walking to inquire after Jane, the hem of her dress coated in mud and her face radiant. The ballroom was even worse, if he closed his eyes he could almost hear the music to which he and Elizabeth had danced to together.

When he stood, alone, in the dining room, he recollected how Jane and Elizabeth had been embarrassed at their family's behaviour. Mary's eagerness to be noticed and applauded, and her subsequent humiliation by her own father. Mrs Bennet's loud boasting of Jane and Bingley's supposed marriage, turning a blind eye to the antics of Lydia and Catherine. Darcy shook his head at himself when he thought of his disgust when he witnessed it. Now, he no longer cared. It no longer mattered.

However her family may conduct themselves, whatever her connections and fortune may be, it is of no importance. Elizabeth is Elizabeth, regardless of everything else.

The house was full of memories. He smiled sadly at them, remembering the past for the future..