Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 43

That's what he told himself anyway. He knew there was another reason - but as of yet, he did not acknowledge it.

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Late that same evening, Darcy had retired to the library to begin reading the book he had borrowed from Mr Gardiner. He had setled down into a large chair by the fire, the first moment of complete peace and relaxation in a long time.

Unfortunately, his solitude was broken by the arrival of Miss Bingley.

"Mr Darcy, may I have a word with you?" asked the lady.

He sighed and put down his book. "Certainly."

She shut the door behind her. Coming closer to him, she began,

"Mr Darcy, you must speak to my brother at once!"

"On what subject, pray?"

"The day you left for London, he expressed his intention of returning to Netherfield!" She paused, waiting to see any reaction from him. When he gave none, she continued.

"He says it is for sport, and true, the hunting season is approaching; but we know that he will be inevitably be drawn to Jane Bennet. When I tried to inform him of the folly of such a venture, he told me in no uncertain terms, that he did not care for my opinion. Mr Darcy, you must speak to him!"

"It is Bingley's decision to make; I cannot presume to make him change his mind if he is determined upon it."

"But when he meets Jane again, his interest for her might, nay, will be rekindled and a marriage will soon follow. All our efforts since last November will be wasted."

"If he does not listen to his sister, then what makes you think that he will listen to me?"

"You are his oldest friend, and he takes your advice. Think of how many difficult decisions you have made for him in the past!"

"Miss Bingley, I should no longer presume to run Bingley's life for him. If he wishes for my advice, I shall give it, but no longer will I tell him what to do, least of all advise him in matters of his own heart. If he loves Miss Bennet, and she returns his affections and accepts a proposal, then I shall be most happy for him."

Aghast at what she was hearing, Miss Bingley exclaimed, "Do you not remember our objections to such a marriage? Jane may be a sweet girl, but her family, connections!"

Darcy sighed. "Miss Bingley, what we did to separate them, was wrong. I was mistaken in my belief of Miss Bennet's indifference, for I now know she returned his affections. Whether her feelings for him have altered since I last saw her, I do not know, but Bingley is entitled to find out. In fact," he continued, smiling, "I myself have never seen such plentiful sport as I did in Hertfodshire. Your brother invited me to join him, and I shall accompany him."

At this, Miss Bingley turned a shade paler.

"But, sir, surely you do not wish to return to Hertfodshire and its inhabitants. If I remember correctly, you did not enjoy our last stay there. In fact, you quite disliked some of the inhabitants, and may I be so bold as to say that some in particular did not approve of you, though I cannot see why. I share your opinion of them; they are a group of country savages and some of them were quite abominably rude to us. If you dislike the populace so much, then may I recommend that you do not return there."

Though she did not mention Elizabeth out loud, Darcy knew that she was uppermost in Miss Bingley's mind. His smile disappeared.

"Miss Bingley," he said coldly, "Is there any particular reason that you do not wish for me to go with your brother to Netherfield?"

The lady did not answer. He continued in a serious tone.

"Is it out of concern for me, that I might not enjoy my stay there, or are you afraid that I will again be thrown into the path of Miss Elizabeth Bennet?" He sighed. "Miss Bingley, after all these years, have you not come to the terms that you will never be anything more to me except for the sister of my closest friend? I never intended for you to believe our relationship any more intimate than that, and if I have led you to a misunderstanding, I apologise. I am now telling you quite bluntly, and I hope you will forgive my honesty, that you should give up your ambition of winning my affections."

Miss Bingley stood very still, frozen to the spot where she stood. Her eyes were fearful, as if only now she acknowledged something that she had known for many months.

"There is someone in the world for all of us," said Darcy gently. "But fate will only bring us so far. It is up to each individual to recognise what path their life has begun after the initial meeting - then we must decide if the risks and chances we must take along the road to final felicity in marriage are worth the hardships along the way."

"And you truly believe Elizabeth Bennet is the other half of your soul?" whispered Miss Bingley, the last traces of denial leaving her.

Darcy sighed. "I am not sure. But I am willing to take that chance."

Miss Bingley did not speak. The expression one her face was one of someone who had had their illusions and dreams shattered. Darcy could sympathise - God knew that he had felt the same pain once, many months ago.

"Your mind believed that we could be happy together," said he, walking towards the door. "Have you asked your heart what you truly want?"

He did not look back to see her reaction. He exited the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

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