Disdain, Agony, Hope, and Love #Wattys2020

Chapter 36

"No, no . . . " replied he in a voice full of emotion. He let go of her hand to grip his chair tightly. She was so close - her eyes glowing with tears maddened him.

Get a grip on yourself!

"I have just had a letter from Jane, with such dreadful news. It cannot be concealed from any one. My youngest sister has left all her friends - has eloped; has thrown herself into the power of . . . of Mr. Wickham."

Darcy was shocked, though he did his best to keep his face stony.

Oh, God, no.

"They are gone off together from Brighton," continued she. "You know him too well to doubt the rest. She has no money, no connections, nothing that can tempt him to she is lost for ever."

Her voice was trembling, he looked into her beautiful eyes that were brimming with tears that he longed to kiss away. He closed his eyes to shut out that dainty vision of her sweet face. Knowing that if he stayed so close to her, he might do something rash, he quickly got out of his chair and moved a safer distance away, turning his back to her.

"When I consider," she added sobbing, in a yet more agitated voice, "that I might have prevented it! I who knew what he was. Had I but explained some part of it only - some part of what I learnt - to my own family! Had his character been known, this could not have happened. But it is all, all too late now."

It is no fault of yours. I should have told you all when I knew he was in Meryton.

He wanted so much to tell her this, for her to confide turn to him for comfort and assistance. But such thoughts were selfish at a time like this, when her distress, not his emotions, needed to be healed.

But had you told the world of Wickham's character, everything he has done since Ramsgate could have been avoided. Elizabeth would never have believed his lies and this whole elopement couldn't have taken place - had you exposed him.

This disaster is my fault - because of my lack of foresight, her family has been disgraced.

There was no way he could expect her to return his love now, not after this. All he could do was try to amend things, even if it meant finding Wickham out personally and hauling Lydia back to Longbourn.

Wickham! Damn the man! Had Wickham been in the room, he would have fled from Darcy's angry glare.

"I am grieved, indeed," cried Darcy; "grieved - shocked. But is it certain, absolutely certain?"

"Oh yes! They left Brighton together on Sunday night, and were traced almost to London, but not beyond; they are certainly not gone to Scotland."

Darcy thought. If Wickham had not yet married Lydia Bennet, there was still a chance that this situation could be mended.

"And what has been done, what has been attempted, to recover her?" He walked to the window, thinking.

"My father is gone to London, and Jane has written to beg my uncle's immediate assistance, and we shall be off, I hope, in half an hour. But nothing can be done; I know very well that nothing can be done. How is such a man to be worked on? How are they even to be discovered? I have not the smallest hope. She is gone forever, and our whole family must partake in her ruin and disgrace. It is every way horrible!"

Darcy turned to face her. So she was leaving - possibly forever. She would certainly never come to Pemberley again, and he shuddered at the thought of going to Hertfodshire, where he would be constantly reminded that he had caused the ruin of the whole Bennet family.

He would never see Elizabeth again - and his life was nothing without her.He silently resolved to dedicate the remainder of his life to securing the happiness of those he loved. Whatever he had to endure in the years to come, perhaps this would give his existence some value, some meaning.

"When my eyes were opened to his real character - Oh! had I known what I ought, what I dared, to do! But I knew not - I was afraid of doing too much. Wretched, wretched, mistake!"

Darcy made no answer. He scarcely heard her, and was walking up and down the room in earnest meditation; his brow contracted, his air gloomy. He had to fix this mess, and he resolved to instantly go to London, hunt out the two fugitives and either bring Lydia home, or, God forbid it, make Wickham and Lydia marry.

Darcy spoke, in a manner, which though it spoke compassion, spoke likewise restraint, said, "I am afraid you have been long desiring my absence, nor have I any thing to plead in excuse of my stay, but real, though unavailing, concern. Would to heaven that any thing could be either said or done on my part, that might offer consolation to such distress! But I will not torment you with vain wishes, which may seem purposely to ask for your thanks. This unfortunate affair will, I fear, prevent my sister's having the pleasure of seeing you at Pemberley to-day."

"Oh, yes. Be so kind as to apologize for us to Miss Darcy. Say that urgent business calls us home immediately. Conceal the unhappy truth as long as it is possible. I know it cannot be long."

"You can be assured of my secrecy," said he. There was no way he was going to make a bad situation worse by telling the whole world of it.

But he had to leave her now - forever.

"I have stayed too long. I shall leave you now."

He picked his belongings up from the table. Elizabeth rose from her seat. There were still tears in her eyes.

"Yes, thank you." She curtsied, he bowed.

"Goodbye."

Darcy opened the door. He looked back at Elizabeth, at the face he so loved, but would never see again.

He left.

_________________________________________________________

Darcy arrived home and as he handed his horse to the head groom, he told the man to ready his carriage and the four fastest horses for a journey to London. He then continued to the house itself.

Georgiana had been waiting for him but Darcy's despairing look stopped her short.

"I need to leave for London, Georgiana," said he.

"But you have only just arrived!"

"This is urgent. I will leave in an hour."

Georgiana, seeing her brother was resolved in going, begged him to wait until the next morning. He relented, and proceeded to make the nessecary arrangements to go to London.

That evening, the whole party listened to Georgiana play. Ever since yesterday, she seemed more confident in performing and had needed little encouragement. When she had finished, they all applauded, except Darcy who was lost in his own black mood.

Again, Wickham had upset his dreams! Whenever things had looked bright, there he was, a sneaking snake, bringing darkness to blot out the light of his hopes.

And now, again, relations between him and Elizabeth had crumbled.

He heard Miss Bingley speak to him, but he only caught the name she mentioned.

" . . . Miss Eliza Bennet."

"What?" he snapped.

If she was insulting her again, I will not be responsible for any harm I amy do to her! I am sick of all her games!

Everyone in the room looked at him.

"Excuse me."

He got up, fixed his black coat and left the room.

Totured again by dark thoughts, he could not sleep. Elizabeth's tear-streaked face haunted him whenever he closed his eyes. She blamed herself for Lydia's disgrace when actually the fault lay with him.

Darcy silently vowed, that though he would never share her life, he would make certain that her life - without him - would be happy.

The next morning found Darcy grimly determined, alone in the magnificent carrige that was hurtling down the road as fast as the four chestnut horses could pull it.