Park, "Hahaha ofcourse! After all, that friend of mine is a hot shot for both gender, you know that. Besides, you're no different. You're too preoccupied with your job and your ambition to the point that you already forgot that Ai'Forth needs your affection.."
Oh really?
Beam, "So, tell me. is that also the reason why Ai'Lam left you?" Pfft!! Now I dare you to answer me!!!
Park, "Riight, go ahead and laugh as much as you like. Let's see who's gonna cry like Niagra falls once Forth decided to dump you." Bastard!
Beam, "Aish!! If you're not gonna help me to fix all of these, Please!! Leave me alone for awhile, okay?"
Park, "Haha yeah yeah, suit yourself. But if you need help or anything, except for these.. don't be shy to disturb me ok? After all, my place is just three doors away from you."
Beam, "Ok, Thanks Ai'Park."
Park, "Riight.! Bye for now."
Sigh! Enough of this. I need to focus on my topic for tomorrow.
Beam, "I really don't want to call my self stupid cause it felt like the more I'm saying it the more I've becoming stupid which is annoying and i don't need that right now!!" Argh!!! Focus Beam! Focus.. okay! Let's do this." Alriiight.. "what's the last thing that I checked earlier.? Err. . oh there.! Vital organs."
So, what about vital organs?
Humans have five vital organs that are essential for survival. These are the brain, heart, kidneys, liver and lungs.
"Yup! Let's start with the Human Brain. The human brain is the body's control center, receiving and sending signals to other organs through the nervous system and through secreted hormones. It is responsible for our thoughts, feelings, memory storage and general perception of the world." Right! If only I can pull out my brains and erase every unecessary stuffs in there... Sigh*
Next!!
"The human heart, the human heart is responsible..." Shit! "It's.. it's responsible for all the shits that I'm feeling right now! Aaaargh!! I can't do this!! How am I going to focus with all of this if that guy is occupying my thoughts?!! Why do I care so much?! Aish! This is frustrating!!" Shit! Shit!
I knooooow!! I know that I'm acting like a jerk, or lunatic or whatever you think that's happening to me right now. But I just want to focus with my profession. I need to focus with this job.
Arrrrrgh!!!
This turmoil inside my brain started when that stupid Forth proposed to me before he left the country to attend that stupid orientation in Brooklyn.
Beam, "He's not even sure when he's going to come back!! What kind of reasoning is that?! Is he expecting me to stay there at his place like a faithful puppy while he's staying in Brooklyn?!" And as I told him before.. I hate long distance relationship!!
*Sigh! It's not that I don't really trust him. But ... I don't know.. It's like I'm loosing my faith and trust to him little by little. You may say that I'm being too much. But this is me.. This is who I am and this is how I feel.
Can you blame me?
"Sigh* aish! Stupid Jaturapoom!!!"
Not to mention Ai'Lam and Ai'Park are gonna file for divorce, soon.
Sigh! I knew that there's no assurance in this kind of relationship..
I know that since the very start, but still..
I chose to be with him because he's the first one who made me feel how wonderful it is . . To be in love and to be loved by someone who's willing to do anything for you..
They said that I'm a coward..
Am I a coward?
Heh! Gess so. Tsk!
It felt like, I came back to that time when I'm pushing him away and denying my feelings for him. .
But, unlike before..
He's not chasing after me madly, this time.
He's not calling me, sending me text messages, sending message to my Facebook. Asking Phana for help to fix whatever misunderstanding we have.
I guess, Ai'Forth finally get tired of me na.
Maybe..?
I guess..
if..
if ever he decides to find someone else to love ...
I'm sure, whoever that person is, he/she will be luckiest person on Earth. Cause I'm sure, Ai'Forth will going to take care of him. or her.
"Sigh*. I'm so stupid." Same with these tears! They are so stupid. "sniff* I can't do this anymore."
I give up.
" I guess it's about time to let go of you, Ai'Forth.."
Besides..
You deserves better, my Love.
*** tbc *** 07/17/2019
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