Let me love you. ✔

Oh Baby

I think back to Christmas. It was too early to show. By now she should have a small bump and not be able to hide it anymore.

Give me your phone!" Not asking but demanding it. He gives it without a fight. I open his Instagram and search through his photos. Nothing. No sign of Alita, only him, me, Chriss, and a lot of people I think I vaguely remember.

I wish I would know how to find people easy going through all his friends to find Chriss. After scrolling my tumb numb I finally find him. His account shows the real him at least. Party after party, another beautiful woman on his lap after another. I go back around the time they were in New York. Again, a lot of girls. No sign of Alita and thank God, or not? No sign of Matt.

I thought I would find her in his pictures. Matt watches me in silence. Okay, one option left. Her account. I hold the phone in front of him, not sure if they are friends and how to find her if they aren't. "Open her page."

He takes the phone and without questioning it he gives it back to me on her insta. I scroll down and down. Dammit, why does she look so good? Even in a fluffy pajama, she looks like a million bucks. No sign of a baby bump, though. Not even in the picture, she posted two hours ago. So it all could be another attempt to make me leave Matt. He could be telling the truth.

My heart beats wildly against my chest when I see a picture of them together. They are all smiles and his arm is wrapped around her waist. A pang shoots through my heart. I scroll some more and expect more pictures to show up with them together. Matt's face goes into a panic when his phone starts to ring and those damn blue eyes stare right at me.

I don't recognize my voice spitting out the words. "What do you want!"

Her voice is fake sweet as ever. "Ah Nova, Such a pleasure to hear your voice. Since you are the one asking, I would love to speak to the daddy of my child."

The plastic bottle in my hand squeaks under the pressure. "You, are, lying!"

"Am I, sweetheart? Do you want proof? I
I can give you that. I can send it to you."

"Proof of what?" I see Matt slumping on the hardwood floor, his hands slide down to my ankles. "Of you having sex with.." I want to say my man, but if this is true I want nothing to do with him, ever again. "With Matt or that you're pregnant."

She lets out a scary laugh. "I'm not a pervert Nova. So no, I don't have proof of the actual deed. I can send you a copy of the self-test, the doctors, and the midwife, though. Do you want that dear?"

My mind goes too fast. I'm rubbing my fingers against my temple. Matt looks pale again and I need to make a decision. Trust the man I love or trust the woman who deliberately tried to separate us, more than once. I decide to take the middle.

"No!"

"No, you don't need proof?" Her voice gives away that she believes she has won without a big fight.

"Yes, I need proof. But not through the mail. You can send me the result of a friend or even your mother for that matter. I want you to come here."

I can hear her gasp and I look at Matt. Not asking for his permission but looking for his reaction when I say. "You will come to LA and we are going to a doctor I choose. You're gonna take a paternity test and if he is the father I will congratulate you on your win and be happy to never see your or his face again. I will send you the date and information of the flight and hotel."

Without waiting for an answer I disconnect the call, realizing just now what I said in front of Matt.

His chin trembles, showing he is close to breaking down again." Do you mean that? Are you happy if you never have to see my face again? "

I have stayed strong since we left the restaurant. Even on the phone, I talked without showing any emotion. I can't describe how I feel. How torn I am. Seeing Matt begging and broken in front of me breaks me. I let myself slide off the chair and sit on the floor facing Matt. Tears spill over when he reaches out to put a string of hair behind my ear.

"What I'm supposed to believe Matt? How am I supposed to react to this? I want to believe you! I want to. Only if you have told me right away it would be much easier."

Carefully, he pulls me into his chest. I don't have the strength to push him away and I'm not even sure I want to. Should I feel disgusted with him? All I know is that I don't. I shift automatically from my knees to wrapping my legs around his hips and bury my face in the crook of his neck. My arms wrap around him and he does the same, pulling each other against the other. Here we are, sitting on a cold hardwood floor, sobbing.

"What now Nova? Are we taking a break?"

The pain in my chest is unbearable. Can I live with a man that maybe knocked up his ex-fiancé and is lying to my face about it? Should I give him the benefit of the doubt and show him I trust him till the end of the world?

We sit for who knows how long on the hard floor. I have to make a decision and maybe you call me crazy, but I want to believe him. My stupid heart is stubborn enough to risk an even bigger pain than I'm feeling right now.

"I don't want to take a break" Matt creates a small distance between us, unbelief written all over his face. "That said, I do think we should take a step back. I'm moving back to my own home. I'll pick up work again and we will see each other some evenings and at the weekend. I need a little space and time."

"Okay, take your time. Do what you need to..but please go to your therapy. You can talk about this with him if you want."

I nod. What else can I do?

Within an hour I'm packed. Tomorrow he will bring Koda and my suitcase back. I fling a backpack on with the stuff I need and take a look at Matt. Unbelievable how one girl can put our relationship on edge again and again.

If he only told me after she called. The problem is that I don't believe for a second it would change things. She would still claim the same thing. We only would have this conversation twelve weeks ago.

Matt pulls me into his embrace. I let him, knowing I'm gonna miss him terribly. "Drive safe, sweety. I know I have no right to ask things, but can you please let me know when you're home."

I swing my leg over the saddle and smile at Matt before putting my helmet on. He returns it with a sad one. I know this is the best for us. But why does it hurt so much?

A wave him goodbye and I'm afraid this is the beginning of the end.

Hi loves,

Will this be the end of their relationship?

Have a lovely day ♥️

Xoxo Gabriëlla

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