Cigarettes [Bennoda] ✔

Chapter 69

"Hey, babe?" I said, coming into the living room one morning. "Yeah?" Mike said back. "I'm gonna go hang out with Ryan for a bit. It's been a while since him and I have really talked about what was going on in our lives." I said. Mike smiled a little. "Okay, love. Have fun, and call if you need me. I'll just be here chillin'." He said with a chuckle. I laughed and walked over to kiss him on the cheek.

"I love you." I said. "I love you too. See you in a bit." He said back. "Okay. See ya."

I left our house, got in my red Mercedes, and went to Ryan and Till's new house that they had bought a few months earlier. It wasn't too far from mine and Mike's house, which was good because their first place that they had gotten in LA was almost an hour away. This one was closer to twenty minutes away. It was a two story brick house with white doors and columns. The front yard was green and the bushes had been kept up with. It was very beautiful and I was so happy for Ryan.

"Chazy! Long time no see!" Ryan said as he walked out the door and I got out of my car. His hair was still a black mess on his head like it had been since we were kids and he was still wearing all black. The only thing that had changed about him since high school was that he had more tattoos, he was more muscular and he was sporting a little stubble now.

I smiled and walked up to the porch. He immediately pulled me in for a tight, warm hug. "It's only been like a month since I've seen you last, but it feels like years. Holy shit, I've missed you." He said, pulling away to look at me. "I missed you too, Ryan." I said.

"Come on in. I'll give you a tour." Ryan said. He put his hand on my back and lead me into his house. He shut the door and showed me every room in the house. After that, we sat on the couch and just chatted.

"So... you're gonna be a dad. Like, you're gonna have a little human. That's fucking crazy. I remember when you used to do coke off of our textbooks when you were like fourteen and now you're having a kid." He said. I laughed. "I'm not fourteen anymore, Ryan. I'm a married man now and... yeah. I'm about to be a dad. That is really fucking crazy. I'm happy though, and I'm so excited." I said. He smiled and teared up a little.

"Dude, I'm so happy for you. Like... you went through hell as a kid, and look at you now. It's amazing to see how far you've come. I can't wait to see you raise this little one and five more after that." He said with a little chuckle. I laughed. "Aw thank you, Ryan. And I don't know if I could handle six kids. Jesus Christ. I want three at the most." I said. He laughed and shook his head.

"Nah. I know you're gonna have a lot of kids. You're gonna be like the fuckin' Duggars except your show will be something like 'Noda & Ben Plus Ten'." He said. We both laughed.

"God, no." I said. "Have you thought of names?" He asked. I shrugged a little. "We have several that we like, but can't decide. I don't think we'll really know until we see her." I said. He nodded.

"Anyway... what's been going on with you and Till lately." I asked. He shrugged a little. "Nothing much I guess. He's out at lunch with somebody. I don't know who. Our relationship has been weird lately. I feel like... I feel like we're stuck. You know what I mean?" He said. I shook my head and he sighed a little.

"I feel like our relationship isn't moving. Literally we do the same thing everyday. Wake up, work out, shower, eat, sit around, eat, sit around even more, eat, fuck and sleep. It's just getting old. I love him, but I'm bored. We need a change, but I don't know what else to do. We just bought a new house, a dog and cat. Our lives have changed so much in the past few months, but it still feels like we're not evolving." He said.

"Tell him you want to start going out more. You two need to go out and do fun things besides sit around the house all day. We live in California. There's always something fun to do here." I said. He nodded. "Yeah you're right." He said.

"I figured he would've proposed by now." I said. Ryan nodded and looked away. He started tearing up again. "Hey... what is it?" I asked, turning his head  back to mine. He sighed and wiped his eyes.

"When you and Mike got married, I said to him that night, 'I can't wait until we get married!' and he completely shut me down. He said that he didn't want to get married. What's the point then? I've never seen having kids in my future, but I've always seen getting married in my future. Since he doesn't want that... I don't know. I love him, but I want to get married. If he doesn't want that then I feel like I shouldn't be with him." Ryan said, tears falling now. I reached forward and hugged him.

"Is it me? Like is there something wrong with me and that's why he doesn't want to marry me and make it truly official?" Ryan cried. I pulled away and looked at him.

"Of course not, Ryan. I know he loves you, but... some people just don't see getting married as a big deal. They see it as kind of pointless, you know? If that's really what you want though, then you need to let him know how much you want it and talk about it with him. If he truly just doesn't wanna tie the knot, then... maybe being together isn't the best thing for either of you if you both want two different things in life." I said.

"He's my best friend, Ches." He choked out. "I'm so in love with him. I don't want to leave him, but... fuck I don't know."

"I know this is hard. Just talk to him about it so you both know exactly how the other feels about the subject. If it doesn't work out... then it doesn't work out, Ryan. And remember, just because he doesn't want to get married doesn't mean he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you, you know?" I said. He nodded. "Yeah... yeah. I know." He said, looking away again.

"You wanna come back to the house? You can hang with me, Mike and Kat for a bit?" I said. He smiled and nodded again. "Yeah. I miss Mike and Kat too. I also miss your dogs." He said, laughing a little. I laughed too and stood up.

We went out to my car and went back to the house. "Ooh nice." Ryan said as he pointed to the new flowers in the front yard. "Mike planted them a few weeks ago. Pretty right?" I said as I unlocked the door. "Yeah they are." We walked in the house and heard Mike and Kat in the kitchen.

"You're so amazing. Carrying this human being in you for nine months. That's so badass." Mike said with a little laugh. Kat chuckled. I peaked around the corner and the sight made me uncomfortable. Mike had his hands on my sister's stomach and they had their eyes locked. They were looking at eachother like a loving couple would.

Mike was looking at her like he looked at me.

"Oh whatever." She said. "No, really. You're fucking amazing. I mean it." He said. She smiled and they kept looking at eachother.

Then, out of nowhere, I saw my sister lean down, and kiss my husband.