From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

APRIL 2001 - EM (Part 3)

I reached out my right hand with my eyes still closed, feeling for Lex's warm body next to me. But all I felt was cold sheets. I turned my head, shielding my eyes from the bright light streaming in through the sliding glass doors that led onto the balcony. I could make out Lex's hair, blowing lightly from the breeze. I got up and pulled my boxers and sweatpants on. I could see her better now. She sat in a chair with her knees pulled up to her chest. And she was smoking a blunt. That was...a little surprising. In all the time I'd known her, I never knew her to smoke by herself.

I pushed the slider open and shivered at the unexpected chilly-ness. It had been so warm out the day before. Lex looked over her shoulder and gave me a weak smile. "Morning," she mumbled, going back to her J.

"Morning," I replied, sitting on the chair next to her. "What you doin' out here so early?"

She held up the J in response. "And it's not that early. It's, like, 9:15," she added.

"Damn...I ain't sleep that long in a minute," I realized. "I'm bettin' you had a little somethin' to do with that," I smirked, rubbing her arm gently. 

She shifted in her seat. "Or the alcohol," she retorted. I suddenly got a weird vibe from her. Was something wrong?

"Wanna...order some breakfast? They got room service here, right?" I asked, suddenly noticing how hungry I was.

"Um...I'm not sure. I was probably gonna just grab something after I check out. My stomach's kinda fucked up. I think I drank too much yesterday."

She was lying. There was no doubt in my mind. First of all, I'd watched her pretty much all day yesterday and she really didn't drink that much. Not for her anyway. She could outdrink most of the guys I knew. Also, she had barely looked at me once since I'd joined her on the balcony. Normally, she couldn't keep her eyes off mine. Especially after a night like last night...

"You good?" I asked, squinting from the bright sun shining down on us.

"Me? I'm fine. You?" she answered defensively.

"I'm...I'm good. Better than good." I really was. I'd forgotten how amazing sex could be, until she gave it to me the way she did last night. 

"Good." She took another hit and we sat in awkward silence for a minute. "You want a hit?" she offered.

"Can't. Probation, remember?" I reminded her. I'd just had the court date a few weeks ago. I had called Lex right away to let her know I wasn't going to jail. A couple days later, I got a Super Soaker CPS2000 in the mail with a note from Lex that said, "For the next time you wanna wave a gun at someone! :)"  I had gotten a good laugh from that one...

"Oh right," she nodded, bringing me back from my thoughts. "How long?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Two years."

"Damn," she muttered.

"Yea. I start my community service next week."

"Doing what?"

"Community clean-up type shit."

"What, am I gonna see you on the side of the road in an orange jumpsuit carrying around a trash pick?" she chuckled.

"First of all, the jumpsuits are beige, so...get your facts straight," I joked. "Naw, I don't really know what they gonna have us do. Guess I'll find out next week."

"Dewayne or Big Rob goin with you?" she asked, referring to two of my bodyguards and looking slightly worried.

"If Paul gets his way, yea."

She nodded again as she took another hit. She was talking to me like shit was fine, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. She put her blunt out into a can of Dr. Pepper next to her and turned to me.

"I, um...I have a photo shoot at 3. For the album cover. So...I should probably shower and...hit the road." Was she kicking me out? There was only one way to be sure. 

"Want me to join you?" I pushed my lips out, the way I knew drove her crazy. She quickly averted her eyes to her hands and started playing with her rings, one of the tell-tale signs that she was nervous. What the fuck was going on?

"Uh...not this time Em. I have to shave and stuff..."

"Didn't seem like you had much to shave last night..." I grinned suggestively, sliding my hand over her silky smooth thigh. 

She covered it with her robe, lightly pushing my hand away. "Yea, well, you'd be surprised how fast girls grow hair," she replied, still avoiding eye contact. She got up from her seat and made her way back into the room, leaving the slider open for me.

After a minute, I got up and followed her. She was picking clothes out of her drawers. "Yo, did I....fuck shit up somehow last night?"

"What?" she asked, stopping what she was doing and finally looking up at me.

"Like, was the sex whack or...did I say something wrong afterwards? Fart in my sleep? What?"

"What are you talking about?" she answered as she went back to what she was doing, not even cracking a smile at my fart comment.

"Cuz...you're actin' real funny this morning. Like, not yourself at all. You're kinda bein' a bitch for real, for real," I laid out.

She straightened up and let out a sigh. "A bitch Em? Really? Just cuz I don't want you to shower with me?" She closed the drawer a little loud without quite slamming it. "I mean, it's not like we're a couple or anything. Couples shower and eat breakfast together...not, whatever we are." She tucked her hair behind her ear and made her way to the bathroom door.

"Whatever we are?" I repeated with an annoyed tone. "What are we Lex?"

She stopped and sighed as she turned back to face me and leaned against the bathroom door frame. "I don't know Marshall. What are we? You tell me."

I stood there, flabbergasted. Totally caught off guard. What the fuck do I say? I knew what I wanted...but I had no idea what she wanted to hear. Last night, I thought I knew what she wanted; I thought we were on the same page, but today...

"We're...friends," I answered carefully.

"With benefits?" she asked.

"I...uh..." I stuttered. "I...I don't know. Sounds like somethin' we should talk about."

She looked at me hard, like she was searching for something in my soul. I suddenly was uncomfortable as fuck. I'd never felt uncomfortable around her before. Nervous, sure. But this was...different.

"Yea...maybe we should," she said quietly. "But I can't today. Like I said...photo shoot."

"Well...what's your schedule like for the rest of the week? Maybe you can come to the house for dinner or somethin'? The girls would love to see you." She looked down at the floor and smiled slightly at the mention of Hailie and Alaina.

"I, um...I'm goin' to L.A. with Cassie tomorrow. She's house hunting and I told her I'd help her, so..."

"A'ight, well...just hit me up when you get back and we'll set somethin' up then," I settled. I grabbed my T shirt, socks, and shoes and started walking towards the bedroom door.

"Yea...sounds good," she replied indifferently.

"I...guess I'll see you Lex," I murmured, still confused as hell but ready to get out of there so I could stop feeling like I was intruding.

"Bye Marshall," she said firmly, but sadly, before disappearing into the bathroom and locking the door behind her. 

What the fuck had just happened between us? 

A/N: Super awkward chapter but...it had to be done! Hope you all are enjoying the story so far! Please vote, comment, follow me, and/or add this story to your reading list! Thanks so much for all the love you've given. Another update will be up soon :)