From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

FEBRUARY 2000 - LEX (Part 1)

I looked in the mirror for probably the 100th time in an hour. Hair, makeup, dress, shoes, jewelry. Making sure everything was exactly right.

"Okay, I need a picture!" My mom pranced into the room with her camera. 

I breathed out a light chuckle as I struck a silly pose for her and then a real one. "I'm so mad you had to get sick Mom," I pouted.

"I know sweetie, I'm sorry. I'd love to go with you and do our own critique of everyone's red carpet fashion faux pas," she said in her congested voice. "But...if I know you....this won't be your last time at the Grammy's." She smiled and lightly kissed my forehead to avoid smudging my makeup.

"Well order all the room service you want, use the steam room downstairs, and just...feel better," I sighed as I picked up my purse and rolled a little perfume on my wrists and neck. "Hopefully we can see a little bit of L.A. before we leave tomorrow night."

"I'll do my best baby," she replied, sipping her cup of hot chamomile tea. 

My phone rang just then. It was Erykah letting me know to meet them out front. She had offered for me to get ready with her but I opted to go back to my room with my mom after getting my hair and makeup done. I hadn't imagined feeling so out of place amongst all the glitz and glamour of this event but I surely did. I gave my mom a quick hug before looking in the mirror one last time and heading out the door.

There were several limos in front of The Beverly Hilton. Celebrities were everywhere. I did my best not to gawk but nearly fell over when I spotted Mariah Carey a few limos down. 

"Lex!" I heard my name. Erykah waved me over to where she, the rest of The Roots, and Scott Storch stood outside of a shiny black stretch limo. I hugged everyone and exchanged hellos before we all got in and made our way to The Staples Center. 

Champagne flowed on the drive there but I made sure to only have one glass so I wouldn't make a fool of myself on the red carpet. I didn't anticipate having my picture taken since I wasn't personally up for any awards. But You Got Me had been nominated for Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group, alongside Em and Dre's Guilty Conscience, and The Roots' album itself, Things Fall Apart, had been nominated for Best Rap Album, alongside The Slim Shady LP. Which explained my obsession with the mirror.

I was nervous but I also felt ready to see Em again. A lot had changed over the last 7 months since I'd last seen him. I still missed him. And I still loved him. I had come to accept the fact that I would probably always love him. I mean, he was my first love. Who ever forgets that? But I wasn't as sad anymore. Maybe he and I were just meant to be friends after all. Maybe he was meant to be with Kim. Maybe they were meant to raise Hailie together as a family. That's what he had wanted back in the day; now he had it...and I genuinely hoped he was happy. Isn't that what really loving someone means anyway?

The line leading up to the drop-off point on the red carpet stretched for what seemed like miles. Fans filled the palm tree-lined streets with signs and posters and policemen were situated every 15-20 feet to keep everyone in check. Erykah and the rest of the group gave me some pointers on where to go, who to talk to, and how to look at the cameras without being blinded in case I was asked to be in a pic or two. My hands got clammier the closer we got. 

Finally, it was our turn. Scott and I got out first, then The Roots, and Erykah came out last. Screams and applause followed us as we made our way into the main red carpet where TV personalities were interviewing anyone they could get their hands on. I was surprised that they wanted a picture of me, so I quickly struck a pose before hurrying to catch up with the others.