From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

APRIL 2000 - EM

I leaned back in my swivel chair as I listened to the phone line ring and waited for Lex to pick up. I hoped she was in town. I hadn't talked to her in over a week and I knew she was busy. But I hadn't released an album yet without letting her listen to it first. Never. Infinite, The Slim Shady EP, even The Slim Shady LP. She had given her stamp of approval on all of them before they came out. The LP was gonna be the album I was gonna make her wait for, but I had changed my mind at the last minute and let her hear it, only a week before its release date. Now my next album, The Marshall Mathers LP, was due to come out next month and it didn't feel right, didn't feel finished, without her hearing it.

We'd done surprisingly well at friendship over the last couple of months. It really almost felt like back in the day. We didn't hang out as much as we had back then cuz of our busy as fuck schedules. But we talked on the phone a lot and it felt so good to have her back in my life. I had forgotten what a cool, laidback vibe she brought to my world and I soon found myself craving to be near her again.

"Hello?" she answered breathlessly into the phone.

"Damn girl, who you runnin' from?" I teased.

She laughed. "I'm at the gym. Just finished whoopin' ass on this punching bag."

"Ha! Okay, I need to see that," I replied, picturing her cute little self beatin' the shit out of something.

"Let's go. Jabs on Russell. Eastern Market. I'll school you on a thing or two," she said in a playfully threatening tone. But I could tell she was smiling.

"So you're here? In the D?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"A'ight cool. What you doin' later?"

"Uhh...I was gonna make dinner and relax on the couch; watch TV, maybe go to bed early for once. Why what's up?" I could hear her opening and closing a locker in the background and zipping up what had to have been her gym bag.

"Come eat dinner here," I demanded.

"Where's here?"

"The studio. 54. Come listen to the album. It...it don't feel finished til you listen to it," I admitted. Damn that felt like a confession telling her that...

She was quiet for a minute and I got nervous thinking she was gonna turn me down. "Okay," she finally replied. "Lemme go home and shower and stuff. Is 9 good?"

"9 is perfect. Ay, bring food!" I chuckled.

---

Several hours later, it was just me and Lex chillin in the studio. She had brought homemade Cuban pork sandwiches with rice, beans, and plantains on the side, all perfectly packaged in plastic containers. I hadn't eaten this well in forever.

"Fuck, I almost forgot how good of a cook you are dawg," I said with my mouth full. She smiled as she took another bite.

"Me too," she chuckled. "I haven't eaten like this in a minute. It's been all fast food and takeout. I've gained like 10 fucking pounds."

"Where?" I asked doubtfully, looking her up and down. She still looked amazing to me.

"My ass and hips. Where I always gain weight at," she said, taking another bite. I raised my eyebrows, wanting to say something inappropriate but she continued. "That's why I needed to start working out...hence, the boxing."

"Hence, huh?" I teased.

"Yeah, hence," she said seriously before breaking out in a smile. We both chuckled.

"How long you been doin' that?" I asked, curious as to why she hadn't mentioned it before. Even though we were friends again, I felt like there were still things goin' on in her life that I didn't know about. And I hated that.

"I don't know. Like a month maybe. I'm just glad I found a place that lets you pay for each class rather than doing a membership. I can't sign up for any commitments right now," she stated.

"Yeah, I feel you," I mumbled. She shot me a questioning look but didn't say anything. But I knew what she was thinking. Commitments....Marriage. We had yet to talk about Kim. It had become the ginormous elephant in the room, but we had learned to live with it there. Fuck it, we should've just named the goddamn thing. I didn't know why I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. Maybe cuz I was afraid it would hurt her...

"So...the album is done, right?" she asked, interrupting my thoughts and wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"Yeah, it's basically done. Maybe a little bit of remastering left to do but other than that..." I said, flipping some switches on the soundboard so the album would play over the surround sound speakers. "Get ready for multiple ear-gasms," I smirked. She let out a breathy laugh as she chugged her Dr. Pepper.

I leaned back in my chair, turning slightly so I could see her expressions. She sat on the leather couch with her legs stretched out on a chair in front of her. She wore a pair of Timberlands, slightly baggy track pants with the Tommy Hilfiger waistband of her underwear showing , a cropped T-shirt showing off her flat but still soft-looking abs, and a zip up hoodie with a backwards cap. She could still rock that sexy urban look I loved. We both settled in as the Public Service Announcement skit started up.