From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

JULY 1998 - LEX

I pulled up and parked in front of Em's trailer, which still had Christmas lights on it. I'd made fun of him last time I had been here for still having those up but I guess he'd been too busy to take them down. That had been months ago...

I tucked my hair behind my ears. It was still wet from the shower I had just taken. I had thrown on a pair of black mesh gym shorts and a grey T-shirt with the sleeves cuffed. My black flip flops showed off my recently pedicured toes. I grabbed my purse and keys and headed towards the door.

I was a little worried about what he needed to talk to me about. He'd been extra intense at the dance studio. I hadn't seen him for more than a month and the first time I do, he shows up out of the blue at my class demanding to talk to me? It was weird. He hadn't even been to my dance studio since I started teaching classes back in December. I racked my brain trying to think what this could be about. It had to be about Hailie. That's the only thing I could imagine him getting so worked up about.

I reached my hand out and was startled when the door swung out before I could knock. "Goddamn Em, you almost hit me with the door!" I exclaimed. "You good?" I asked, looking him over as I stepped into the trailer. The tight beat of Gang Starr's Moment of Truth played quietly in the background. I remembered when their album came out a few months ago and how badly I had wished Em and I could listen to it in my room like old times... Em closed the door loudly behind him and spun around.

"You know Scott Storch?" he accused loudly. He walked over to me until he was so close I could smell the beer on his breath. His gorgeous blue eyes looked fiery with a hint of something passionate behind them. I couldn't tell if it was anger, sadness, pain...but it was something that hurt me to see him feeling.

"Yo, back up," I insisted as I placed a hand gently on his chest. "Are you asking me or accusing me cuz by the tone of your voice, I can't really tell," I said, getting an attitude from him being so confrontational. He continued walking up on me so that I had to walk backwards until I was up against the back of an armchair. "Just answer the question," he demanded, his voice getting higher and louder.

"Em, what the fuck?" I asked incredulously, this time slightly pushing him away from me. "Can you give me some room?!" He was starting to piss me off. What the hell was going on? How did he know about Scott?

He blinked a couple of times as if he'd just realized what he'd been doing and stepped back a few steps. "My bad, Lex." He let out a deep breath and shook his head. "But can you just...please answer the question?"

I put my black mini-backpack down on the armchair and started walking towards the couch. "Can we sit?" I asked, motioning for him to join me. He seemed to hesitate for a second but then grabbed two beers out of the fridge and sat next to me. He popped the top off of one of the beers with a lighter and handed it to me.

I took a long swig. "How do you know Scott?" I asked.

"The fuck you mean, how do I know Scott? The question is how do you know Scott? And why did I have to find out you know him through him and not you?" His voice kept cracking, which it often did when he'd get excited or heated about something; especially if he'd just been smoking which, by the smell of the trailer, I could tell he had been.

"Okay, can we just...calm down? I'll tell you everything but you need to relax," I told him, taking another sip of my beer.

"I need to relax?" he asked. "Do you know how stupid I sounded in front of this muhfucka today? A big-time producer? I told him you was my dawg and I'd've known if you were doin' some shit like songwritin', much less workin' with The goddamn Roots! So what?" He threw his hands up. "You not my dawg anymore Lex? You livin' a double life or some shit now? What the fuck is goin' on?"