From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

NOVEMBER 1997 - LEX (Part 1)

"Okay, so... 'stir together parsley, rosemary, sage, thyme, lemon pepper, and salt in a small bowl.' Okay, done. Now, 'rub the herb mixture into the cavity of the turkey, then stuff with the celery, orange, onion, and carrot,'" I recited the recipe instructions for the Thanksgiving turkey Em and I were attempting to make.

My Aunt Jackie (Trey's mom) was having her annual Thanksgiving bash at 3:00, which never had less than 20 people in attendance. It was always a blast. Only problem was, my mom had to work that Thanksgiving day until 3:00, so we decided to just keep it small that year and have dinner at home.

"Hold up, the 'cavity of the turkey'? Don't fuckin' tell me I gotta stick my hand in that motherfucker," Em said in the most serious voice. I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Go 'head Slim! Show that 20 pounder you can fist with the best of 'em!" Proof roared. He slammed his hand on the counter while dying of laughter.

"Come on Em, just do it. You have a glove on!" I pushed.

"Man, you do that shit. I draw the line at fisting turkeys," he said, backing away from the counter.

"No! You have the glove on! And I chopped all this shit. Come on, lemme see what you got," I teased suggestively, which only made Proof laugh louder. "Y'all are fucked up," Em grimaced as he reached tentatively inside the turkey and rubbed the mixture all around its interior, then stuffed the veggies and orange wedges inside.

"Oooh yea, Marshall, that feels good," Proof joked in a high-pitched voice. I bent over, my stomach in pain from laughing so hard. Tears were actually coming out of my eyes. It had been a great day. Proof, Em, and I were in the kitchen making Thanksgiving dinner. Listening to music. Smoking blunts here and there. They drank a little but I abstained so that we could avoid lighting the house on fire. I couldn't remember a more fun Thanksgiving.

"A'ight, now that I've thoroughly violated this goddamn turkey, now what?" Em said, holding his herb mixture-covered hands up like a surgeon trying to maintain a sterile field. I caught my breath so I could read off the next part of the directions.

"Now we gotta get it into the roasting pan," I said, donning a pair of gloves myself. "You might wanna change your gloves. Those are gonna be too slippery," I cautioned.

"Man, I'm good. Let's just get this done so we can get back to the game," Em insisted. I shrugged, knowing he'd regret not listening to me.

Thirty seconds later, Proof was practically on the floor laughing at Em's attempt to lift his side of the turkey with his buttery gloves. I didn't know if it was the weed or if this shit was really that hilarious but I was dying.

After finally getting the turkey in the oven, I worked on the gravy while the guys made themselves comfortable on my couch to watch our Lions play the Chicago Bears. I looked over at the back of Em's head where his Lions cap was on backwards and he sported a black Lions hoodie. He sipped on his Budweiser bottle and a warm, cozy fire roared in the fireplace. I imagined at that moment that one day, years from now, we'd be celebrating Thanksgiving like this together....but as a couple.

My thoughts were jarred by the phone. "Hello?" I answered cheerily.

"Lex?" an unfamiliar voice said on the other line.

"Yea? Who's this?" I asked.

"It's Kim. I called DeShaun's house and Sharonda said the both of them were at your place helping you with dinner," Kim said on the other line.

"Oh, hey Kim," I said a little louder to let Em know who was on the phone. He turned his head and made his way to the phone. "Yea, they're here. Did you wanna talk to Marshall?"

"Yes please," she said flatly.

"Okay, hang on. Oh, you're coming tonight right? I found my old high chair in the attic and cleaned it up for Hailie." I had taken the intiative to invite Kim over for Thanksgiving the previous week. Em had been missing Hailie so much but the tension between him and Kim was so bad since he went to Cali that she'd kind of been keeping him from seeing her lately. I wanted to do everything I could to turn that around.

"Um, yea...we'll be there. I have to stop somewhere first and wanted to talk to Marshall about that..." she responded.

"Okay sure, here he is." I handed the phone to Marshall and mouthed the words "Be nice," to him. He stretched the phone cord into the hallway for some privacy and I went back to cooking.

The mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and mac and cheese had all been cooked the night before and just had to be reheated in the oven. All that was left was the green bean casserole and the stuffing. As suggested by my mom, I had chopped most everything the night before so I didn't have too much to do. I started browning the sausage and chopping up the loaf of French bread I had left out the night before.

Em hung the phone back up. "Everything okay?" I asked him.

"Kinda. Um," he hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. "Would it be cool if Dawn came?" Dawn was Kim's twin sister, and she usually brought drama wherever she went.

"Um..." I started.

"I mean, it's cool if it's not. But, if she can't come then Kim's not coming and if Kim doesn't come, she's gonna want me to go get dinner with them somewhere. And I gotta be with Hai today, y'naw what I mean? No matter what." He looked so sad. I knew that seeing Hailie was the main attraction of that day for him.

"Yea, of course it's cool," I lied with a smile.

I had only met Dawn a couple of times but she definitely rubbed me the wrong way and it was obvious that she didn't care for me either. And unlike Kim, she was the epitome of white trailer trash. She didn't give a fuck who was around or where she was at, she would make a scene if that's what she felt like doing. But I would put up with it for Em's sake.

"Thank you Lex," he said, briefly stroking my chin gently between his thumb and pointer finger. "Apparently their mom decided to up and leave with her newest boyfriend yesterday so Dawn is there by herself with Alaina. Shit, is that cool if she comes too? She's a good kid, she won't make no trouble."

"That's totally fine. We have plenty of food. I even got a shit ton of leftover containers at Walmart the other day, so I'm probably gonna make everyone go home with food cuz there's no way all this shit is fitting in our fridge."

"Oh, don't worry about that girl!" Proof bellowed as he got up from the couch, empty beer bottle in hand. It was half-time which meant bathroom breaks and more beer. "That food's gon' be stashed away....in mah bell-ay!" he laughed, rubbing his stomach and making his way to the bathroom.

Em and I chuckled before locking eyes. He had been staying at my house for the last few weeks, but this was the first time since Cali that he had looked at me like that. He had been so focused on writing for his new album that we hadn't really chilled all that much. Plus, I had been busy with school and stuff. I had planned on spending less time on campus so that I could be home with him, but he was always out anyway. My mom had told me she barely saw him too. He crashed on my bed when I wasn't there and on the couch when I was there, so I had ended up mostly staying on campus just so he'd be more comfortable and able to sleep on the bed instead of the couch.

"You're fuckin' amazing, you know that right?" he asked me in a low voice that almost made me kiss him on the spot. He was leaned against the wall facing me as I faced the stove and I could feel his eyes drilling right into me. It made me feel tingly all over and super self-conscious.

I chuckled, "Amazing, huh? I'll take it." I smiled sassily. I could see how grateful he was but I wished he knew that I didn't do any of the things I did for him for gratitude. I did them because....I loved him.