From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

DECEMBER 1998 - EM (Part 1)

Snow crunched under my Tims as I made my way up Cassie's driveway. My breath created cloudy swirls as it mixed with the sub-freezing winter air. I shoved my hands deeper in my starter jacket pockets, pissed that I'd forgotten to wear the gloves Lex had bought me a few weeks ago.

I really didn't wanna bother her during her girls' night. I didn't want her to think I was some pressed-ass boyfriend who couldn't even be away from his girl for one night; or worse, that I didn't believe she was where she said she was. Neither of those was true. I mean, it was true that I hated being away from her for the night. Since getting together, we had spent very few weekend nights apart. Only during the school week would we normally sleep in separate beds. And while this girls' night infringed on my Saturday night with her, I knew how much she'd been looking forward to it so I was happy if she was happy.

My reason for interrupting the evening she and Cassie had been planning for weeks was actually a lot more serious than any of those weak ass excuses. I probably could have asked her what I needed to ask her over the phone, but for something like this...I hated to admit it, but I wanted to gauge her reaction face-to-face. It was a big deal for me to even be asking her.

Cassie's house was all lit up with Christmas lights. Garland and red bows decorated the front porch and small wreaths hung in each window. Inside, beyond the sheer curtains, I could see Lex, Cassie, and their two friends from their old dance team laughing and having what looked to be a great time. Music blasted so loud I could hear it crystal clear while standing there on the porch, and an almost empty Grey Goose bottle on the coffee table confirmed that they were probably enjoying themselves. Cassie was belting out Tina Turner's What's Love Got to Do With It into a mic hooked up to a karaoke machine while the others sang and danced behind her. I had to roll my eyes and chuckle a little. Girls are silly as fuck when they be gettin' together.

The slow tempo of the piano intro to Janet Jackson's Again started playing and Cassie coerced Lex into taking the mic. Even through the window I could tell that she was embarrassed. But she sang....and fucking blew me away with her voice. I had never really heard her sing like that before. I'd heard her bullshittin' around before and knew she had a nice voice, but had no idea she was hiding that much skill. I leaned over a little to get a better look and listen and knocked one of the window wreaths off in the process. I jumped back to avoid being caught lookin' through the window like a peeping Tom but it was too late. Cassie was at the door in an instant as I was picking the wreath up and trying to figure out how to put it back.

"Em?! Shit! You scared the fuck out of us! What are you doing here?" she asked, clutching her chest. The others had piled up behind her to see what was going on and I couldn't help but smile when I noticed the happy grin that appeared on Lex's face when she saw me. She made her way through her friends and threw her arms around my neck, covering my face in kisses.

I buried my face in her warm neck and inhaled her sweet scent. "My bad you guys," I said to her friends. "I ain't mean to crash your party or nothin'. I just..." I turned my attention back to Lex. "I need-a talk to you about somethin' kind of important." She looked back at her friends who scattered back to the living room. Cassie handed her a coat, which she pulled on and closed the door behind her, joining me on the porch.

"What? Were you spying on me you creeper?" she joked, nodding towards the still fallen window wreath.

"Nah...well, yeah...kind of. I mean, not spyin'....just....I heard y'all singin' and shit and was surprised that....You got some pipes on you girl!" I stuttered stupidly. 

She chuckled and shook her head as her cheeks grew slightly pink. "Okay," she said sarcastically. "Why are you here? I thought you were gonna be at the studio all night," she asked, walking over to the porch railing and leaning up against it.