From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

APRIL 1999 - LEX (Part 1)

I looked at the clock in the studio and nearly jumped out of my chair when I saw that it said 6:20. "Fuck, I'm so sorry guys...I need to make a quick phone call," I said, fumbling in my bag for my new cell phone. I hadn't heard it ring; maybe it was on silent? No...I didn't have any missed calls. Why would he not have called me?

"I've been needing to take a piss for the last 30 minutes anyway," Mike said as he got up and stretched. He was the lead songwriter and one of the guitarists of the new rock group I was working with. They called themselves Linkin Park. They were a cool group of guys and totally new to the music business, much like myself. In fact, I was the "experienced" one of the group because of the major success The Roots' album, Things Fall Apart, was having. I was actually really proud of it. It was already certified Gold and the song that I had co-written, You Got Me, was in the Top 40 on the Billboard Charts, dominating the radio waves.

This album with Linkin Park would be a completely different sound though; different genre, different vibe, different foundation. I wasn't writing lyrics; I was composing and producing. They loved the piano sample I had sent them and we were working on incorporating it into a song.

We all scattered to take a break. I hurried outside since my phone didn't seem to have any service in the studio.

"Yo, where you been at girl?" a drunk Marshall slurred over the phone.

"Hi to you too baby," I chuckled. "I'm so sorry I haven't called. I completely lost track of the time."

"It's cool, it's cool. You on the way? We gotta dip in like 20 minutes. You might wanna just meet us at the show," he said. I could hear music and shuffling in the background and knew they were probably pre-gaming.

"I..." I started, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it...." I closed my eyes and gently hit my forehead against my fist. "To the show anyway. I should at least be able to..."

"Wait, what?!" Em asked, his voice perking up. "What you mean you can't make it?" I heard a slew of oooh's in the background from the rest of the guys, who I was sure were also drunk and being stupid by instigating. "Man, shut the fuck up!" he yelled at them. A door closed on the other line and the echo behind Em's voice told me he must have gone in the bathroom for some privacy.

"Lex...tell me you're fucking playing with me," he pleaded.

"I'm so sorry baby. Jeff, the executive producer, decided to come in today instead of tomorrow like he was supposed to cuz he all of a sudden has to go out of town, and we had to show him everything we've been working on for the past two weeks. But...we're almost done. I think like two hours, tops. I can still come to the hotel after your show." I waited what seemed like an eternity for him to respond.

He scoffed before replying, "This is some straight bullshit. You know that? It's my first tour; I've done a shit ton of shows and you ain't been to one. Not one. Now I get it....you're busy workin' and I'm happy for you and everything. But goddamn Lex, you can't make time to see me one night? That's some fucked up shit. Can't you tell them you gotta go? That you had plans for tonight?"

"Are you serious right now?" I asked incredulously. "No, I can't tell them I had plans for tonight. And I would never ask you to do that if you were in the studio and broke plans with me, so why are you asking me to?"

Silence again. When he finally responded, it was so quiet I could barely hear him. "Cuz I miss you."

I let my furrowed brow relax as I heard the hurt in his voice. "I miss you too."

"Do you? Cuz it don't feel like it. I think I've seen you a total of like 3 times in the last two months. It don't even feel like we're together no more," he said, his voice getting agitated again.