From Infinite to Kamikaze: A Novel

APRIL 1999 - EM (Part 2)

"I don't know," Paul answered. Royce and Proof shrugged and shook their heads like they also didn't know.

"Call her," I demanded of Paul. "Please. She ain't answer when I called her from the room. Yo, where the fuck is my phone at?"

"Oh," Proof said, getting up and going to the closet. "They put all your shit in a plastic bag at the hospital." He pulled a bag out that held my phone, my wallet, and....was that Lex's sweatshirt? Her blood-stained grey zip-up hoodie was in a separate bag inside the first bag. I looked at Proof worriedly. He shook his head. "She used it to wrap yo' hand up. She a'ight, Doody." My face relaxed a little and I nodded.

"Straight to voicemail," Paul said behind me as he hung up his cell. 

My phone was dead so I quickly went over to the nightstand to charge it. "I gotta go find her," I said with more panic in my voice than I had expected to come out.

"She supposed to be at the studio today?" Proof asked.

"I don't know...." I replied, pissed at myself for not knowing what her plans for the day were gonna be.

"Marshall, we have a meeting at 4 to discuss the concept and recording for tomorrow's video shoot," Paul said in a low voice.

"I don't give a fuck about no fuckin' video shoot right now Paul. I gotta find her." I dug in my bag for a change of clothes and headed for the shower.

After several attempts at getting any information out of her, Cassie finally told me that Lex had gone in to the studio around 10am. She had apparently stayed over at her place last night. Cassie asked me to give Lex some time but fuck that. I got Big Naz to drive me over there immediately. Paul insisted on coming.

We pulled up in front of NRG Studios a little after 2:30. "Now don't go doing anything stupid," Paul warned. I shot him a look as I got out of the car. 

I had no game plan. What the fuck was I supposed to say? How could I defend myself when I didn't even remember what had happened? Royce said I didn't do anything, but based on what he said she saw...I knew I was in for a beating. But I had to try. 

I flung open the door and walked up to the receptionist. "Um...yeah, I need to see Lexi Grey. I think she's in the studio with Linkin Park." 

She looked at a large book. "Is she expecting you?" she asked over her wire-framed glasses.

"Uh...yeah," I lied. 

She gave me the once-over and pointed me down a hallway to the left. "Studio B. Second door on your left. Please wait until the red light is off before going in," she said. I nodded and made my way down the hall, signaling for Naz to stay in the lobby. 

I looked through the windows that lined the hallway. Studio A was dark. Studio B was lit up. In the instrument room, there were 2 guys sitting on stools with guitars, a guy at a drum set, and a guy at a keyboard. Right next door, in the control room, were 3 guys standing around talking, and at the soundboard...was my beautiful Lex.

The way she looked right then could have brought me to my knees. Her face, usually so warm and vibrant, was dull and lifeless and it looked like she hadn't slept. She played with the controls, unenthusiastically nodding her head to some beats and then shaking her head when she didn't fuck with it. She looked so distracted and I knew it was my fault. The red light above the door was off and I used that moment to make my grand entrance.

"Lex, I need to talk to you," I demanded as I opened the door. All eyes were on me before one man spoke up.

"Dude, this is a closed session. What do you need?" he asked, looking slightly annoyed and just as confused as everyone else.