One Shots #VariaSquad

Certifiably Insane (About You)

'Well who told you to go stand in the falling snow for five minutes idiot?' I questioned, pretending to be angry at him but getting up to join him on his chair all the same, hoping that some shared body heat would help warm him up. His shivers became a little more pronounced as he opened his blanket to allow me to slip underneath but they lessened noticeably as I squeezed myself into the space beside him, ending up half on his lap. 'Next time, think before you do something like that,' I scolded, grinning at his sheepish smile. 

'I did think. I thought it might impress you,' he told me, meeting my eyes for half a second before looking down. I hid a smile as I looked at him, once again reminded that no matter how mature his exterior became, there was still the same little kid inside, the same one I'd met on the first day of Student of the Year. 

'If you don't know me well enough to know that you'd do nothing but make me very mad at you by pulling a stunt like that then I don't know why I call you my best friend,' I deadpanned, realising too late what I'd said when he looked up at me with curiously hopeful eyes. 

'You do? I mean, still?' he questioned. It was my turn to look away, choosing to pretend that I'd not heard him as I looked around, desperately trying to find another topic. 

He waited and I could tell he was holding his breath, waiting to see if I'd answer or if I'd deflect. Part of me - the part that was still very much the innocent little girl who really believed that if I waited just a little longer my best friend who' I'd been crushing on since the first time he made me feel like I was worth the effort, been madly in love with since the day he actively sought me out to make sure I was okay after a minor existential crisis, would turn and look at me and realise that I was already looking, because I'm always already looking, and realise why that is - didn't want to disappoint him as I knew I would if I deflected, wanted to give him the answer he was looking for, to say that yes, I still call him my best friend, that I can't imagine there ever being a time when I don't. 

But the more practical part of me, the part that has learnt by now that saying things like that almost always lead to pain, pushed that part down, shoved it back to the corner where it lingered, and I chose to deflect instead. 'You know, it's almost ironic this,' I said after a moment, turning back to look at him and regretting it immediately, my heart clenching as I saw the disappointment written on his face. 

'What is?' he asked all the same, quickly schooling his features to hide that flash of dismay. 

'It's kinda like a roll reversal. A few years back, I was the one clinging to you to try and warm up, absolutely freezing from filming in those short skirts and useless jackets. And now you're the one who's freezing - though this is mostly your own fault,' I explained, nostalgia overwhelming me as I reminisced, almost wishing I could turn back the clock, go back to those simpler times, back when we were just us, just Varun and Alia, when we could be that way. Now, everything with us was so complicated. Seeing each other off set was practically forbidden and even phone calls had to be timed carefully, so that nobody would know. 

I don't think I'd ever know how we'd even managed to hold on to any semblance of our friendship through the distortion that had warped it over the years thanks to relationships that, for me, came and went and, for him, ran much deeper and much longer than ours did. 

'Gave me an excuse to hug you didn't it?' he said, bringing me out of my reverie. 

'What?' 

'What? I had no other reason good enough to be able to sit with you like this between scenes,' he justified with a shrug. 

'You know what? You're insane, you are. Absolutely, certifiably insane,' I told him, unable to keep from laughing even as I shook my head in disbelief.