dancing on my own

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omg hiiii guys!! I'm back. after almost two months. and boy am I sorry!! I've been reading so much and I like a new series so that's all my attention's been on. I've had so much writer's block for divergent stuff. there is legit like 3 wip in my google docs I haven't finished. but here's some angst you didn't ask for!
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Watching them was torture.

Tris sipped from the glass that held the white wine spritzer, standing close to Will. The June sun beamed down on them, the smell of the food on the grill mixing with summer air. When Christina had invited her to the first cookout of the summer, what she has every year, Tris didn't expect that she would see her best friend standing in the arms of the boy she used to love. And according to Will's expression when he had seen them, he didn't know either.

"Maybe if we start dating it would throw them off," Will offered, joking. The idea didn't seem bad to Tris, if only Will hadn't been her best friend ever since junior high. Will had also been in love with Christina and Tris had been there to see it, to see them both in love. She couldn't kiss her blond-haired friend even if she wanted to. She didn't, because she still had the mindset that you didn't go after the boy your best friend was in love with. But now, looking at Christina doing that exact same thing with her boy from high school, Tris knew her best friend didn't think the same way.

Of course she was jealous. She had broken up with him, yes, but she was jealous. The only reason she had ended it was because they couldn't do long-distance. That was at least proven within the first couple of months, when he would try to call while she was studying, and whenever Tris called he was always busy. Sleeping, hanging out with friends, going to his classes. It didn't work.

She still loved him. She had thought about him every day, every night, and she knew the foolish thought in her head that he loved her too wouldn't be true. Deep down, deep in her head and in her gut, she knew he wasn't waiting for her. Somehow, Tris had hoped he was.

Standing there now, looking at him smile at another girl, that hope were smashed to pieces.

"She broke up with me because she thought she couldn't do it," Will said, his voice quiet enough for bystanders not to hear. "At least you were at college, so you didn't know what was going on. Maybe all this time, ever since we left, they have been connecting."

Tris turned to look at her friend. "Are you implying they were together before we even broke up?"

Will shrugged, but his gaze said yes. "I mean, think about it, Bea. She broke up with me very close to when you broke up with Four. Why else would she have done that?"

"Tobias was loyal to me. He is a loyal person, and he never would've cheated on me." Tris turned to look at Will better. "And Christina wouldn't have cheated on you either. That's just a thought your mind is making up to make this situation seem worse, and you can't do that."

Her eyes went back to Tobias, and her heart clenched as she saw him smile again. The smile was directed to Christina, who stood at his side while he cooked on the grill. Every time she sidled up to him, she laid her hand on his shoulder, peering at him with heart eyes. They exchanged conversation about something Tris couldn't hear. Before she went away, Tobias would turn his head and kiss her, right on the lips. When they parted, they both smiled to each other. Tobias didn't even need to bend down to kiss her, like he used to have to do with Tris.

Perhaps they were perfect for each other--more perfect than Tris had been with him. And if that was so, she didn't want to ruin his happiness.

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Tris walked out of the bathroom, wiping the excess of water onto her pants. She was humming a song that was playing outside, one of the ones on whatever playlist Christina had made. The house was empty, everyone else spread out in the yard.

Well, everyone except Tobias.

He stood in the kitchen, watching the party out the window above the sink. His dark blue eyes turned to her when she appeared in the room, and he took a drink out of the beer bottle in his hand. Slowly, Tobias nodded to her. "Tris."

He was taller than she remembered. "We don't see each other in years and that's all you have to say to me?" She asked, crossing her arms.

"What else do you expect me to say?"

"Something more than that? Something more to acknowledge my existence?"

"You broke up with me."

"You loved me. For three years!" Tris stepped to him, eyes wide. "And then I come to this party, and suddenly you're all cozy with my best friend!"

Setting down his drink, Tobias stepped closer to her. "You broke up with me, two years ago. Yes, you're right. I loved you. Loved. I don't anymore."

"That's bullshit, and even you know it!" Even if her heart was breaking with every confession of his, Tobias considered her his family in high school. "You don't just fall out of love with someone like that. That fast."

"Well I am dating Christina now." His eyes didn't move from hers. "And you need to accept that."

"I don't accept it. I can't."

"Then grow up, Tris." He took his drink from the counter. "We're not in high school anymore. Everyone has grown up except you."

"What a nice thing to say, Tobias. Real mature of you." Her eyes stung from the tears that threatened to spill over.

"We could've made it work. Nothing was happening between us!"

"There was school!" Tris ended up raising her voice more than she wanted to when she began the conversation. "There was never a time we could talk, Tobias!"

"But we could've worked it out!" He moved toward her, and Tris could see the heartbreak in his eyes, somewhere that he wouldn't let show fully. "I loved you! I hoped it was mutual, but I guess--"

"Don't even say that." Now, her voice was dangerously quiet, and she walked up to him, looking up to his face. "You know--you know it's not true. I love you with everything I have, and I still do."

"And I'm with Chris now." The moment Tobias stepped away, Tris could feel her heart shatter in her chest. "It will be that way for a long time. I don't love you anymore."

She didn't start crying until he walked out, for real. The tears that fell down her face were brushed away as she turned to walk out of the house. Never did she think that Tobias would say those words--the ones that he didn't love her anymore.

He left her there alone, and that was the realization that truly broke her.

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