Bygone-G.D

18

"No!!! No! Ethan! ETHAN!! Get the-! Fuck off!" I screamed and thrashed violently.

"Grayson baby it's mom!" She yelled at me which caused me to calm down some.

"M-mom?" I asked my voice breaking. She smiled lightly at me as she embraced me in a tight hug. "It's ok baby I'm here." She said while rubbing my back.

"It's not ok mom. It's my fault, it-it's all m-my fault." I sobbed onto her shoulder. I've been having dream ever since After the funeral. It's been a couple of days but the dreams are getting worse and worse.

"Grayson it is not your fault it's no ones fault." "I can't do this mom, I can't live with the fact I killed my brother. If I hadn't had him in the car with me he would be fine right here with me! It's all my fault! My best friend is gone!" I yelled at her while tears still streamed down my face.

I looked into her eyes noticing her eyes were very red and puffy. But I also noticed a small cut on her eyebrow with a small amount of blood dripping down her face.

I slowly put my thumb over it while the blood smeared telling me it was a fresh cut. She winced as I did so. "Did I do that?" I asked my voice cracking even more.

"Gray babe I'm fine don't worr-" "Get away from me!" I yelled at her cutting her off immediately. "Gray." She spoke softly. "No! Mom don't come near me. I'm just going to hurt you just please! Please just go mom." I said as I laid back down turning my back towards her.

She made her way to my bedroom door hearing it open softly. As she walked out I heard her say 'I love you' and walked out. I silently cried to myself hiding part of my face in my pillow. "Why do I always fuck everything up?" I asked my self. I felt my eyes become more heavy.

Not wanting to sleep I shot myself up out of the bed and put some running shoes on and gray sweat pants on. I didn't bother putting a shirt on considering I would have taken it off any way and grabbed my phone and headphones.

Once I got outside I went onto my Spotify and began playing Arctic Monkeys. The melody of Why'd you only call me when your high played through my headphones. I began to run down the street making any kind of twists and turns along the way not caring which way I was going. I just needed to get away from the house and from everyone.

I was about thirty minutes in my run when I realized I came across some open field that led into the forest.

I became curious and made my way over to the field and sat in the grass looking up to the stars. I looked at my phone seeing it was 5:42am. I locked my phone back and continued to let the music to play. My hair was stuck to my forehead from the sweat falling from my body, but at this point I didn't care.

My mind wandered all over the place from my mom, then to Ethan, then her.

I thought about the way she comforted me at the funeral. I treated her like an asshole and she was still there for me.

Why?

I wished I could remember her. Us. Anything. But then again I could care less. I don't care about anything anymore. I chuckled to myself realizing I shouldn't stress over anything.

I got up looking at my phone again seeing it was now 7:14am.

Well fuck.