Little Love Letters

Chapter four

Little Love Postcards
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Chapter four

I slowly placed the book I was reading,down. I couldn't stop crying: not because the main character dies, but rather my own heartbreak.

We all have our own problems, and many people would kill to have a life and such amazing opportunities as I happen to have, but all I actually want at this moment is to pull the trigger.

Just like Zac pulled the trigger on my heart. When you fall in love with somebody, you give them a gun to aim at your heart. I guess I pulled the trigger on him,but the difference is that I told him I would come back. He moved on making it almost impossible for us to be together again.

I'll be honest and admit that I'm not the same Elle I was 265 days ago. Not just mentally,but physically.

When people stress, they tend to lose pounds. With me it doesn't work that way. When I feel depressed or lonely, I eat comfort food.

I guess I picked up a couple of pounds which make a huge difference on my body. I don't even fit into my dresses anymore. It just makes me want to eat more because I become so sad.

That's why I'm currently at the book store's café. I left my favorite book in the apartment back in New York, so I bought another copy.

I stared at the red velvet cupcake with anticipation. It was distracting me. Even my legs felt jiggly as I changed my sitting position.

These last few days seemed to distract me from my personal problems, but as soon as grandma saw me this morning she brought all of my insecurities back.

She said the worst possible things. Being the Columbian chatterbox that she is, she didn't think twice about her words. Ranging from ,"Oh honey, why do your bum look like two planets!" and,"You have cellulite. You need to go on pill or I don't give any of my will money."

Of course I was happy to see her again after three years, but it hurt me the most. To top it all off, I was in my mom's hair for not telling me that Zac had a kid. Or a wife. That's why she seemed to tense up when I mentioned him.

I couldn't help myself, so I took a bite which resulted in me eating the whole cupcake.
After I was finished, I pushed the plate away. I knew I had to stop. I had to try and win Zac back. I'd have to go to a trainer and on some special kind of Starve-Me-To-Death-Diet.

I'd make him jealous in some way. I'll make him my motivation.

After finishing my cup of coffee, I decided to drive around town to clear my mind.

Because I now live in New York, this city seemed so dull and lifeless. The trees were becoming brown and the sky a cloudy grey. It seemed so silent and quite,unlike a year ago.

I turned a corner and found myself in a parking lot. I remember children running out of this building, terrified and scared because a bomber was raiding one of the classrooms, and sometimes just because it was summer holidays.

The bell rang, signaling the end of the horrible day for adolescents. And indeed many ran out of the building with smiles and laughter.

I opened the car door after the afternoon rush, wincing because I hit my bruised arm against it accidentally. To be honest, I was still weak and sore from my un-recalled attack.

What amazed me was the sight of the oak tree I stood by after school everyday. It still had it's usual carvings on the bark.

Nothing looked or seemed any different.

I walked around the building to the back fountain, wanting to relive those memories. I was met with the dark alley, and of course Zac's graffiti drawing was still there. It was covered in a few crude comments, but still nether less looked the same.