Little Love Letters

19.

I noticed the rainbow.

Strange as it is, and for the fact that I usually don't notice such things, it was there. It had rained a little, so the rainbow wasn't so much out of the question.

Usually people only realise that it's raining, you know? And they complain, and nag on about it. It's a wonderful creation from Mother Nature. The cycle of life.

And there is a beautiful after affect with seven colors making a half circle.

Ag, I'm being so soppy.

I wait patiently as the street sign for pedestrians turns green. The streets are shining from the fallen raindrops. Nobody else captivates the beauty of it. Such a shame.

I guess I'm trying to stop time in my mind. I have to arrive at campus and start seminars today. Luckily my apartment is close enough to the college.

But what I'm dreading the most is seeing Luke's face again. I've thought this through. What if I regret saying no to him? What if he lures me in and I can't stop wanting to kiss him again.

Get this, I am a very loyal person and I do love Zac. I'm just so scared. What if he ignores me?

What if?

I grab a takeaway coffee and make my way to class. My first lesson is literature, and it is in the cosiest little class. I know that seems strange as many students have this subject, but the teacher is very picky.

Meaning that he chooses his students. It might seem very odd, but he runs the University so it is kinda his right. Mr Kendrick really isn't the stuck up teacher you would imagine. He lets us sit on pillows, which look like they should belong to a genie, on the carpet. And I'm allowed to drink coffee while learning. How great is that?

"Ah, Elle. I see you are early and have brought coffee once again. Forget mine?" Mr Kendrick peaks up from his glasses while sitting cross legged on his desk.

I laugh at my lecturer and sit down on the pillow in the front. "Sir, it might come off as bribery. I can't seem to get that label this early in life."

"Nothing is wrong with a cup of coffee, Miss Parker. That is like the blood of a writer." He replies, and I can hear the complete compassion in his words.

Slowly but surely the class fills in. Today we have poetry readings and it's a fun session as there is nothing better to do on the first day back. Mr Kendrick told us to write something during the holidays, hoping we wouldn't forget.

The class laughed a lot, and I was so captivated by everybody's writing that one name brought me back to consciousness. Not my own, but Luke's.

Luke was here this whole time. I looked to the back of the class, and he looked straight into my eyes. So deeply that I shivered. I didn't even know he was sitting there.

He stood up not losing my gaze and walked to the side of the class. "Well hi guys. This is dedicated to the girl that broke my heart." He cleared his throat and started talking. His words made something pain inside me. I wasn't breathing properly.

He spoke in his raspy voice, looking very obviously at me. His eyes held hatred and so much pain that it crushed my soul completely. "Do you know a life of loneliness and one filled with pain? Living a life with nothing to gain. Surrounded by darkness, overwhelmed with shame. A life without peace with no one to blame.

Do you know of a place unseen? A place that holds only shattered dreams, A place filled with sorrow with no end in sight. I am given this gift each and every night.

Do you know of a place so cold? This is the place I call my soul,A place without hope or comforting dreams, A life not worth living wouldn't it seem.

Do you know of a life that should have never been, And the feeling that today this life has to end. One more day of sadness is much too hard to bear, I am tired of living a life of heartache and despair.

Do you know a person with so much pain inside? Or the feeling of loneliness when no one hears your cries, Maybe when the tears are gone and I can clearly see, The only question left will be...Do you know me?"

I gasped and slowly wiped my eyes. He couldn't see me tear up in front of him. I had to put up a strong act. I couldn't back out now because it could give me doubt. Maybe I wanted him back, but as a friend. I do miss him, but he wouldn't want me back after what I did to him.

His words were so beautifully put together. How can't I cry? Every other girl in the room seemed to love it as well as they suddenly laid eyes on him. Like prey. It disgusted me.

"Elle?"

I suddenly look up when Mr. Kendrick was standing right in front of me. "Are you alright?"

"I uhh...no.." I wipe my cheeks and start packing up my stuff, not caring if I still have to say my poem." Sir, do you mind?" I point to the door, and Mr Kendrick nods. "Just leave a copy of your poem on my desk. I'd love to read it."

I leave the class desperately, ignoring Luke completely who seemed to try and stop me. Once I am outside I lean against the wall just to get some air into my lungs.

Only once somebody opens the door to the class to come outside, I start walking vastly. I think I know who it is, and I can't let him know that his poem struck me harder than it should. He might convince me that I have feelings for him and, and, and....

I tried to get away so quickly that my messenger bag was hitting against my thigh, obviously going to leave a bruise. My toes were bunching up in my heel boots, but I didn't care.

"Just wait dammit!" I was breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath when Luke caught up.

"Elle, I love you."