Little Love Letters

Chapter twenty-four

Little Love Letters

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Chapter twenty-four

I held my breath.

I've decided. I want this, but I don't want to hurt people in the process.

It's almost graduation. I need to move on with my life, just like Ally.

"Mom?"

I called again, walking towards the kitchen. She'd been there a lot lately, eating away. I would never know if she was depressed. She'd hide it so well.

I heard glass breaking on the tiles.

I walked down the hallway faster.

"Mom!"

I found her on the floor with smudged mascara and messy hair. It obviously wasn't a good time to ask her.

I hurried towards her side and helped her up. It looks like she accidentally dropped a plate on to the ground.

I wiped some of the tears and handed her a tissue.

"Mom, please. We need to get through this." She pulled out a chair and buried her face in her hands. She let out a few weeps.

"He never deserved it," was all she whispered. I couldn't handle my mom like this.

It happened every year.

"He didn't, but everything happens for a reason."

I felt slightly guilty. If I moved out she would be alone. All alone by herself.

"I'm so happy Zac took care of you when I couldn't," She had started the kettle to make her camomile tea.

"Mom, I don't blame you for anything. It's been four years since dad died and every year it gets harder. We miss him, you know." I scooped sugar into the steaming mug and handed it to her.

She smiled and pleaded a thank you. I knew it wasn't just for the tea.

"I overheard your conversation with Ally,"

My heart stopped. I looked at her wide eyed. She was going to tell me no. I could see it in her eyes.

"I would like you to go live your life. In New York. I'm sure you and Ally could share, it would be half the costs." She smiled and I sat down, squeezing her arm.

"We've thought about that too mom. We want to go study there. And we would both have each other." She took a slow sip from her tea. I could see the heartbreak in her eyes though.

"Mom, you can't live alone,"

She nodded slightly, a small tear escaping slowly.

"I thought about moving in with your grandma. She's not well anymore and I want to be there for her,"

"That's a good idea mom,"

I kissed her on her cheek and hugged her.

"We should go to his grave today," I stated. I could feel her tears on my shoulder.

"I have to go to Zac and tell him about New York, but when I'm back we can go,"

She sat back down and nodded.

I left the kitchen, wanting to stay with her. I had to go tell Zac, otherwise he would be very annoyed with me.

He asked me if I was free this afternoon, and he knew what happened on this day five years ago. He always supported me.

I heard a car stop outside our house, and immediately knew it was him. He was always on time.

I opened the front door and there he was, standing with a bunch of purple tulips. I smiled and embraced him, not caring about crushing my favorite flowers in between us. I heard him mumble a greeting into my ear.

I still needed to get used to his proximity. He made goosebumps appear on my skin just from sending me a heart and a kiss emoji.

"You sure seem excited to see me," he rubbed my back and whispered.

I chuckled and kissed him on the cheek.

"How are you feeling boo?" he took my hand in his.

I laughed at his words. Boo. We used to have silly pet names for each other.

"I'm getting better peachy pie, but my mom.. she's still upset," I looked down.

He picked up my chin with his hands with a big smile.

"I thought you changed peachy pie to honey," he pouted slightly.

I only put on a slight smile. His face dropped and he looked over my shoulder.

"Mrs. Parker," I looked behind me and found my mom. She pulled herself together, but that pain that stayed consistent in her eyes never went missing.

Zac had already walked towards her and put his toned arms around her. She sniffled a little before hugging him back. I could see she needed a man's comfort.

He pulled back and gave her the tulips. Her face immediately lit up. She smiled brightly. It was something I missed seeing so much.

After leaving our house with a very cheered up mom, we drove to a little café in the city.

He opened the car door for me and led me inside.

It was suddenly warm. I hadn't noticed little snowflakes falling outside and christmas was definitely near.

It all felt so right. My hand in his. I hadn't even noticed he was wearing a sweater with little rain dear on them.

I laughed and kissed him on the cheek, but he turned his face towards me and we unexpectedly kissed on the lips.

I was about to pull away but felt his hand on my back which held me close to him. I did pull away after I felt him smiling on my lips.

"We should get some coffee first," he put his arm around my shoulder and held me close to him.

I knew that was about to change if I told him I was moving away. I didn't want to leave him at all.

He was a part of me.

We sat down. All the people around me disappeared. I didn't pay attention to them. They didn't matter.

"Zac," I breathed. Our order came to the table. Perfect timing I thought.

He was intent to listen. I grabbed the mug and warmed my hands. The smell of freshly ground coffee floated around me.

"You know Ally is moving to New York, right?" I asked. He was still watching me intently.

"Yes, I heard."

"I- I want to go with her,"

It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. But I feared what came next.

He didn't say anything. He was completely still. Not a word. I didn't think he was even breathing.

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see his reaction. It felt as if everything was tearing apart.

I felt his hand on mine, rubbing small circles.

After a second, the warmth of his hand was gone. I opened my eyes and found him kneeled down next to me.

A tear slipped from my eye, and in the bittersweet moment, he kissed me.