Little Love Letters

21.

For the next few days I couldn't go to college. I was stuck at home with my own thoughts, and as consistently that I thought of Zac, I cried.

I feel like a building. One that was created to serve a purpose. A skyscraper. But years after years the foundations kept getting weaker, and it collapsed.

Now that is a disaster to the people around me.

His gentle smile, raspy voice, cute words. He would forever stay in my memory.

"Elle honey?" Ally's voice came through my door. I pulled my duvet over my head. "You can't mourn for two days in a row without even eating something."

"Go away!"

She took the duvet away from my face. The first thing that strikes me is the sad look on her face. It reflects in her eyes. I reflect in her eyes.

"Even if you just drink the coffee." She put a tray on my bedside table with a sandwich and a cup. "You'll die if we don't take care of you."

"Maybe I want to die so that I could be with him, and nothing could stop us this time."

She looked at me quite angrily, "Don't say that, Elle. Zac wouldn't have wanted this to happen to you."

I laughed at her answer. "How would you know what Zac would have wanted? You barely even knew him." I spat the words in her face.

She stood up and walked away, "Just go shower and get ready."

I frowned at her command. Get ready for what? Before I could ask she had already left, and all I was left with were her attempts to make me feel better.

"Oh Allison, I'm sorry." I whispered to myself.

"I heard that." Ally came peaking through the door again. "I'm sorry too, you know? Nobody deserved this. Just remember that everything happens for a reason." She kissed my forehead.

"Why do I have to get ready again?" I asked. Ally smirked slightly, but tried to hide it. "Remember Zac's older sister? Jadelyn?"

I nodded, while playing with my hands. Remembering the feel of Zac's hands in-between mine. "Well she wants to see you."

I shook my head slightly, "We never really spoke. She was always so protective of Zac and she intimidated me to an extreme." Why would she want to speak to me after her brother's death?

"Maybe she is struggling to accept it, just like you are. It could get you some closure you know?" Ally gave me a hug, and it did make me feel better. Just for a second. "Gosh, you stink."

I laughed, surprising myself and Ally. "I've put out a dress for you to wear with your boots. And we'll do your makeup and curl your hair a little bit. I hope you are planning on growing your hair longer again." She winked and left.

After eating a few bites, I started getting ready. I did feel better, but it didn't actually show on my face. I got bags under my eyes again, making my face look hollow. I was a mess. Zac's mess.

The dress Ally put out was the dress I wore on our first date. I get that it was a long time ago. We had that picnic and I had my first kiss.

The dress was flowery and still fitted.

Ally joined me a bit later, using the curling iron to create messy waves. She put on foundation, which took away the emptiness of my face. "Mascara never hurt anybody." She added while doing my eyes.

"Is that the ring?"

I looked up at her and nodded. "Yes, he wanted to give it to me if I said yes."

"It's beautiful, Elle. It fits you perfectly. I can see Zac knew you very well."

I smiled sadly. "I'm afraid that I'll never be able to walk down the aisle. I could only picture him as my husband. Nobody else would fit his shoes."

"Well that's understandable. He was the ideal man, and he was absolutely amazed by you. I remember walking down the hallway at school, and he had only eyes for you. During class he kept staring it even made me uncomfortable."

She finished my makeup and looked me in the eyes, "This will get better. I promise."

Ally drove me to the local coffee shop. It was cosy and comforting. It wouldn't feel cold and isolated to me.

"I'll drop you off inside to make sure that you find her and that you will be okay?" I nodded and got out of the car once she parked. I followed her inside of the cafe, and my eyes immediately landed on a blonde seated not far from where we were standing. "That's her." I said to Ally.

I could see the resemblance between Zac and his sister. She looked very unhappy as well, but who blames her? Once she spotted us, she stood up and gave me a strong hug. I didn't know what to do so I returned it. "Elle, I have so much to tell you. Thank you Allison for dropping her."

"No problem. Call me if you need anything? I thanked her and we parted.

"Would you like anything to drink?" Jadelyn asked. "Just a class of water please."

"Alright." She quickly ordered and returned. "So, I know we never really got off on the right foot but I'd like to change that. We have something in common, and I feel like I needed somebody closer to my age who knew him just as well as I did."

I drank from my glass. The clear taste of water being foreign. "Zac came to me when he wanted to propose again. And I was the one who pushed him to do it before it was too late. I feel terribly guilty."

A tear left her right I, and she wiped it away drastically. "But the way he spoke about you was so different. His eyes lit up, and he smiled so brightly. I thought he was using drugs or something because I had never seen him that way."

I laughed softly. "He loved you so much, and for a while you were the only girl in his life. I stopped talking to him, and what a mistake that was. I-.." Just then her phone rang. "I don't mean to be rude, but could you please excuse me?"

"Yeah, that's okay." She stood up and went to talk on her phone outside. Whoever it was must've been very important.

"What?!" I saw her through the window of the cafe. Jadelyn looked taken aback, but in a good way. What was happening?

"Yes, she is here with me." She looked at me and smiled. I didn't smile back because it seems rarely strange.

Jadelyn practically ran inside, and I was waiting with anticipation. Her eyes were sparkling as she came towards me, obviously baring good news that involved me too.

"He is alive."