THE MURDERER AND I

chapter thirteen: quietness and smoking

Everything was quiet after that. No one said anything and just kept to themselves. Dinner was quiet, except for small talk between Fox and Scout.

It had gotten late after that, so Ryder and I said goodnight and left to our room. I could hear the rest of them start to whisper as soon as we had turned our backs. They continued to talk as Ryder shut the door behind us.

I lay down in the bed and sighed. Ryder sat on the edge of the bed, his back facing me. It was quiet for a while.

"I knew he was bad news." He finally said.

"You were right." I replied quietly.

"God, I wanna kill him." He yelled, slamming his fists on the bed.

"Ryder it's fine. He's gone now." I tried to calm him down as I sat down next to him.

"It's not Bella. He can't go around doing what ever he wants" He snapped.

"Ok what does it matter? It's over." I snapped back.

"It matters because I care! Can't you see that!"

My angered expression softened. I wasn't used to hearing someone say they cared for me.

"Ok fine. Come on let's just get some rest." I said carefully, pulling him under the covers next to me.

He wrapped his arms around my body, his warmth surrounding us. I closed my eyes, feeling his chest rise up and down. When I thought he was finally asleep, I heard him whisper, "I'm sorry Bella."

"What?" I said looking up as he got out of bed.

He opened the door and made his way into the living room.

"Ryder where are you going?" I yelled as I followed him. He ignored me and opened the front door.

"What are you going to do Ryder? Answer me!" I begged him impatiently. I heard the rest of the the boys behind me, my yelling waking them up.

"What's going on?" Gunner asked sleepily.

"Ryder where ya goin?" Scout asked half asleep.

"Ryder! Fucking answer me!" I finally grabbed him.

"I'm going to teach someone a lesson." He answered, softly taking my hand off his arm. I stood there absentmindedly before realizing what he was going to do. "I'm going to find him."

"Ryder think about this." Jax begged.

But Ryder didn't turn around. He didn't flinch. He didn't think twice. I watched him leave and close the front door in my face, in all of our faces. We stood there quietly, as I thought of every single bad thing that could happen.

"He'll be fine." Jax sighed, going back to his room.

The rest of the boys followed him, and went to their own rooms. I heard their doors close as I stood there alone.

"Hey Bella, he'll be ok." A voice behind me say.

I turned around to see Ace, acting tough, even though his voice had come out soft.

"God, I hope so." I said quietly, looking down.

"He's a good fighter, and he's smart." He assured me. I paced around nervously before responding.

"I just need to go outside. Take a breath." I said.

"It's dark. I'll come." Ace said following me out the door. I wanted to be alone, but I guess a friend wouldn't do any harm. I didn't mind Ace, he was a good kid. I could tell, even behind those angry eyes.

The cold air hit me hard, piercing my skin. I shivered, and sat down at the curb right by the  driveway. The streets were abandoned, only illuminated but the streets lights soft glow.

"Want a smoke?" Ace asked me as he sat down next to me. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, almost all of them gone. I could tell he smoked a lot. I did too. Not recently, which I found odd.

"Always could use a smoke." I replied, reaching my hand out to take the cigarette from him. I placed it in my mouth, forgetting to light it.

"Here." Ace held out his lighter, and I leaned forward, letting him light it for me. He lit his after mine.

We sat there for a while, quiet and smoking. It felt like the whole world was gone, and it was just the two of us.

"What did you do?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"What?" I replied, confused.

"What did you do? Why are you running."

"I thought you knew. I thought all of you knew."

"No, all we know is that you got into some trouble with Ryder, that's why you're running with him."

"First of all, he tagged along with me, and then dragged me here. Second of all, I didn't get into trouble with him, that was someone else..." I laughed quietly as I thought of Dean.

"An accomplice huh?" Ace laughed.

"You could call him that." I said blankly.

"What would you call him?" He asked curiously.

I thought about that for a second. I wouldn't call him my boyfriend, even though he had been. I just felt like he was more than that. Much more than that.

"My partner in crime. Literally." I joked.
"But the person I would do anything to be with right now." I went on, my tone suddenly serious.

It was quiet for a while. Both of us didn't know what to say, but we weren't uncomfortable. We just sat there, enjoying the company of each other.

The night started to grow colder, and I shivered in my light clothing.

"Wanna head inside?" Ace asked me, as he got up, reaching out his hand. I took his hand and he helped me up. The warmth of the house hit me, making glad I wasn't out there anymore.

We each headed to our rooms, before I turned around.

"Ace?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For the smoke, and the company."

"No problem. And don't worry, Ryder will be lying in bed right next to you when you wake up tomorrow morning." He assured me.

I smiled weakly before saying goodnight.

I stared at the ceiling as I lay in bed alone. I just couldn't shake these thoughts. I turned to my side, only to face an empty pillow. I felt a tear slip down, absorbed but the pillow sheet. I hadn't felt tears in a while. Not since I lay next to Dean's body.

I kept thinking of Ryder and where he was. It occurred to me that he could die. Just Because of how much he cared. Cursed by his own heart.

He cared too much. Too much. Too violently. He cared so much, one day it would kill him.