luke hemmings imagines

#imagine: luke left this world and you wrote in a journal.

#imagine.

(trigger warning does apply, please don't read if it will affect you.)

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may 6th 2016

dear diary,

it has been a month since i saw luke lying on the bathroom floor surrounded by his own blood. that was the day that i finally lost my happiness, my love. i just didn't realize he wasn't happy with his life. i went to my therapist today and she told me i needed to write my feelings out in a diary since i won't tell her anything. it's not that i don't want too, it's just that i can't. i miss luke so much, and i just wish he understood he had someone by him to make him happy. i guess he didn't think i was the one.

well i best be off.

sincerely, Y/N

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may 31st 2016

dear diary,

i went outside my bedroom for the first time in weeks. the only reason was because michael, ashton and calum came over to see how i was. honestly, seeing them made me feel ten times worst. but i couldn't tell them that so all i said was "i'm fine." but i knew they knew i was lying. i could have stopped luke from doing this. i could have been home earlier if my meeting didn't run later then expected but i didn't, i could have walked in that bathroom earlier and stopped him from hurting himself. but i didn't, and i just blame myself.

sincerely, Y/N

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july 6th 2016

hi diary,

i saw someone at the mall today that reminded me of luke. I just fell too the floor and cried, i didn't care if people around me saw how i was, maybe if they saw that i was finally broken they would stop showing me their sad eyes. i don't need their pity, this is my fault. everything in my life is my fault. why do i screw everything up?

sincerely, Y/N

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august 25th 2016

diary,

i'm guessing the boys couldn't handle not having luke in the band because they quit. 5 seconds of summer has zero seconds of summer left. sorry, i tried too make a joke, but this isn't a joking matter and my joke was terrible. the boys are done, luke is gone, my happiness is gone. i don't think i can take the pain in my heart i get every time i go in the closet and see luke's clothes on his side. will this pain ever go away?

sincerely, Y/N

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december 24th 2016

dear diary,

my first christmas without being with luke, it's hard. but i'm processing this all in my brain. the boys still come over, they want me to go with them to louis tomlinson's birthday party. honestly I can't do that. it's his birthday and i'll just be there making everyone sad. it's not for me.

merry christmas luke hemmings. i love you so much.



sincerely Y/N

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may 6th 2017

dear diary,

a year, it has been a year without luke. a year without his laughs, his smiles, his jokes and his smell (that probably sounds weird but he had a nice smell.) i miss him like crazy, but i don't think he would want me to be sad and broken for the rest of my life. he would want me to be happy. so that's what i'm trying to do. i did meet someone at the memorial university. he makes me smile all the time, and he knows that i will still be sad from time to time. but he is an understanding person, and that is what i'm grateful for. i'm sorry diary, but this is the last time i write in you. once i'm done with this, it's going on luke's grave, where he can know how much he is missed everyday, and so he will know how much i love him even if he isn't here with me.



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luke hemmings you will always be my happiness and have my heart, even if i couldn't be yours. i didn't know you were unhappy with your life. i wish i could have helped you through it, so you could have experience life longer and not give up on it so quickly. luke. i hope you realize just how special you mean too me. i love you forever and ever babe. see you when i get to you. be strong up there big guy and i hope you see just how special you are.



sincerely Y/N 

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okay, i wrote this back in like 2014 when again all i wrote were unhappy imagines. (i think i was sad or something?), but i changed the years to make them more present but still past lol. 

anyways i hope you enjoyed this imagine, i think this is the last sad imagine i have written so that's always good. 

okay

bye.