luke hemmings imagines

#imagine: leaving this world is better then staying?

#Imagine.
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(Trigger warning maybe a little, idk just being on the safe side.)
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Dear Diary,
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Atelophobia
[A-tel-o-pho-bia]
the fear of not being good enough or imperfection.
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It's the twelveth of March two thousand and fifteen.
& today I have realized, I may not be good enough for Luke. I have this voice running through my head telling me that I should leave him because he deserves someone way better than me, way prettier than me. But then I have this other voice telling me, that I should stay with Luke and be happy because I make him happy.
The question is, do I follow with my head's choice, or follow my heart?
but what if my heart is in a million pieces? what piece do I follow?
I love Luke, I really do, but I feel like I'm holding him back from his dreams. My past isn't so easy to let go of like I thought. I thought with Luke I could forget all the horrible things my ex did to me, but it's taking a lot more time then I thought. All I need is Luke to hug me so tight, that all the pieces to my broken heart will stick back together. But maybe the reason my broken heart is still broken is because i'm still living. Maybe if I take my life, my heart would finally heal.
But would I be happy?
Would I miss Luke?
What about the rest of the band? They become my brothers, I can't leave, can I?
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This would be so much easier if you could talk diary, I need advice. I need to become perfect. I need to become good enough for this world.
Maybe a break from relationships is all I need.
Tell Luke that I need to get my life on track, and stop holding him back and letting him not succeed his dreams.
Maybe, I need to wait for my heart to fully reheal until I start a relationship.
I just don't want to hurt him.
But it's for the best.
Thanks diary, you are always here when I need you.
You really do know how to listen.

Until next time,
(signed your name.)