For That Special One (Special A Fanfiction) #Wattys2014

Chapter 19-Forgive Me

Chapter 19-Forgive Me

NAGISA'S POV

I will keep to my word. I won't go against it. Because my friends and family's safety hangs in the balance. It is better when one suffers for the sake of others, not vice versa. I can't be too selfish to risk them all. My cousin. My childhood friends. My new friends from the SA. My parents. Young cousin Lily. Aunt Alice. Grandpa. Poppy, Adam, Theodore were at risk too. I can't be so selfish. I can't lose any of them and I want them to be happy and stay happy.

I looked at the blank piece of paper, teardrops dotting everywhere in random patterns and sizes. I have already spent half an hour staring at this paper meant to be a letter saying farewell to all of them. Summer break was only a week away, and the selfish person in me didn't want to leave or part with anyone. It was hard. Too hard.

I still remembered myself, receiving a letter from the Hawaiian University, telling me my standards met theirs and I could go. If only I wasn't too young. Devastated, I decided to ransack through my stuff, finding a book or anything that could comfort me of any sort. Then I found it.

The letter I kept ever since I was eight. The letter from Japan. The letter from a sweet young boy. The letter that made me so guilty. The letter I never replied.

I've read it every now and then, but somehow, this letter gave me inspiration. I'd go to Japan for an exchange programme of sorts and bam! I might be able to find him. The one who wrote this letter I couldn't reply.

And then I wanted to search for him. I don't even know why. I even managed to convince Poppy, Adam and myself that I wasn't only going to find him but also the twins that I made friends with as well.

Now that I found him, the twins, and made new friends, I hope that they can all forgive me for leaving like this. And I'm secretly hoping neither Poppy nor Adam would dwell of this matter. If I do return to Hawaii for good, maybe I could join Poppy and Adam in school if I was bored...and be the top student.

"Letter. Yes, the letter." I muttered, attempting to write at least one sentence.

It was really, really awkward. Ever since the kidnapping and the threat Samuel had given me, it was weird to be around the SA. I had to keep being cheerful, try my best not to break down during my possibly final days with them. I couldn't do it. Not when I found my childhood friends and new friends that I really liked. And Ryuu...his sad look at times...I couldn't bring myself to see his face like that again. Everyone deserves happiness. And I'm willing to sacrifice mine for theirs. I shouldn't rethink about stuff.

At the end of the day, I wrote eight letters. One for each member of the SA and one addressing to all of them. My eyes were so blurry I couldn't even see what I was writing and I had to stop a few times to cry. People make sacrifices all the time. Why was I so upset over this?

"Nagisa, why so quiet lately? You suddenly seem like another Megumi." Jun said on my third last day. I couldn't keep the brave cheerful face any longer. I probably wouldn't see them anymore. But yet I couldn't bring myself to talk. I knew they were all worried. Normally, someone would jump with joy knowing that there was only three days keeping them away from summer. For me, it meant returning back for good, constantly following Samuel's threats like some silly person just for the sake of everyone else.

I didn't deserve any forgiveness. I still hope they would. Once they read those letters, I don't even know how they would think of me any longer.

Every hour. Every minute. Every second made me tense. Time was ticking by likes nobody's business. And here I am, silent and a little pale. My complexion was slightly pale after I used a couple of products to mask the puffed up and panda-like eyes. No one. I mean no one has to see me down or at my worst. For the sake of others, and maybe my pride. Kei knew something was wrong from the very start and I was glad he didn't question me. Madeleine's death was not yet avenged, and knowing the sacrifices, the pain inside of me is overwhelming, threatening to get out every moment. Every sentence I said increased my risk of bursting into tears, letting my emotions out freely and being honest with them.