Moonrise || Harry Potter Twilight Crossover || FanFiction

Chapter Forty-One: Bella's POV

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE:

Bella's POV:

After my breakdown the night before, the morning brought with it, if not a brighter outlook, at least a measure of control, some acceptance. Instinctively, I knew that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going to be part of me now. Time would make it easier- that's what everyone said. But I didn't care if time healed me or not, so long as Jacob could get better. Could be happy again.

When I woke up, there was no disorientation. I opened my eyes- finally dry- and met Edward's anxious gaze. "Hey." I said. My voice was hoarse and I cleared my throat. He didn't answer. He watched me, looking like he was waiting for it to start again.

"I'm fine." I told him, promised him, "that won't happen again." His eyes tightened at my words. "I'm sorry you had to see that," I said, needing to get it all out, "that wasn't fair to you."

He put his hands on either side of my face, and his golden eyes bore deep into mine. "Bella... are you sure? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain-" His voice broke on the last word.

But I had known worse pain. The pain of thinking I'd never see him again. I reached up and touched his lips.

"Yes." I said, simply.

"I don't know..." His brow creased. "If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"

"Edward, I know who I can live without."

"But..." he began, and I shook my head, interrupting him.

"You don't understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that's what's best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It's the only way I can live."

He stilled looked dubious. I should have never let him stay with me last night, I think, morosely. But I had needed him so much... "Hand me that book, will you?" I asked, pointing over his shoulder. His eyebrows pulled together in confusion, but he gave it to me quickly.

"This again?" he asked, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"I just wanted to find this one part I remembered... to see how she said it..." I flipped through Wuthering Heights, finding the page I wanted easily. The corner was dog-eared from the many times I'd stopped here. "Cathy's a monster, but there were a few things she got right," I muttered. I read the lines quietly, mostly to myself. "If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger." I nodded, again to myself. "I know exactly what she means. And I know who I can't live without."

Edward took the book from my hands and flipped it across the room- it landed with a light thud on my desk, as he wrapped his arms around my waist. A small smile lit his perfect face, though worry still lined his forehead.

"Heathcliff had his moments, too," he said. He didn't need to book to get it word perfect. He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, "I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"

"Yes," I said quietly. "That's my point."

"Bella, I can't stand for you to be miserable. Maybe-"

"No Edward," I interrupted him, sternly, "I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I know what I want and what I need... and what I'm going to do now."

"What are we going to do?" Edward asked. I smiled just a bit at his correction, and then I sighed.

"We are going to see Alice."